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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by theresa to c/mtf

Well, it's happened. Three months ago, I made a post here asking about how to cope with the wait for surgery (By the way, thank you for all the nice comments. They were very helpful and I regret I just didn't have the energy to reply. But know they were appreciated a lot). I was aiming for January. I prepared all the documents, collected them over months and put in my application for coverage. And today, the answer came back. Denied. I did everything right. All the right documents, all the right doctors. The reason for the denial? They say I need to provide proof for 12 months of therapy. This is an old guideline. The current guideline, which has been in place since 2020 says: 6 months. I paid a therapist out of my own pocket without their coverage for exactly 6 months of therapy. This was about 2000€. And now they, who are literally the institution made for adhering to their guidelines, are disrespecting their own guidelines.

Respectfully, I can't fucking believe it. I read the e-mail four hours ago and I'm still in tears. Of course I'll appeal it. It'll probably work, they're factually wrong. But this delay means I won't have surgery this winter. It'll be summer at least before I have surgery, everything takes ages in this transphobic, terrible system. Initially, I just went to therapy because they made me, because I needed the hours for the application. But this system is making me sick. It's making me mentally ill, it's making me consider suicide. I don't know how to cope with having a penis any longer. The wait until January felt impossible. And now it's postponed, at least months. Maybe years, who knows at this point? The thought of having to endure this body so much longer makes me physically sick. I want to throw up. I can't do this anymore, it's so painful. Honestly, one of the most painful things, if not THE, I've ever experienced.

Another summer with a penis. Another year without being seen as human by dates. Another summer without swimming, without tight dresses, without cute bottoms. Another year of wasting my youth on the most horrifying thing I wouldn't even wish my worst enemy: transition. I know it's an ungrateful thing to say and positivity should be embraced but right now I'm on the ground and I'll just say it: I wish I was cis. I would do anything for it. I'd kill, unironically.

Rant over. I'm sorry, I just had to get this out.

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[-] neuracnu 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I sat in on a seminar by Advocates for Transgender Equality who explained a lot of key details of receiving transgender medical care.

Their primary message was "you'll almost certainly get denied initially, and then have your appeal denied as well. That's when you appeal again, to a third-party oversight board, and that's where you will almost certainly win."

The process is arduous and designed to frustrate you to the point of giving up. Don't give up.

Quite a few resources can be found at https://transhealthproject.org/ including a template for appealing adverse decisions regarding gender confirmation surgery.

[-] dandelion 19 points 1 day ago

I know it's an ungrateful thing to say and positivity should be embraced but right now I'm on the ground and I'll just say it: I wish I was cis. I would do anything for it. I'd kill, unironically.

same girl, I think a lot of us feel this way

you shouldn't feel pressure to be a perfect trans person who loves being trans, it's ok to acknowledge those feelings, I feel the same way

Hopefully the appeal will go through and who knows what will happen, but I believe in your persistence and ability to make this happen. Surgery is a huge undertaking, and the recovery process can be brutal, too.

Do you have any support or advocates you can lean on to help you navigate the appeal and the hoop-jumping?

[-] theresa 8 points 1 day ago

Thank you for the nice comment (and your comment on my older post as well!). I actually found out via my therapist who e-mailed me, I haven't even gotten the letter yet, tomorrow probably. She's offered to assist with the appeal which is nice of her. We'll schedule a call in the next few days and figure out the next few steps.

[-] flipflop@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I usually don't interact with Social Media, I just lurk. But reading this had me in tears and I just wanted to type out a few words waiting at the train station rn. I'm agender and also don't like having a penis. I wish it would just disappear and I wish I just didn't have any gendered characteristics. No need to delve deeper into that right now, though. One of my closest friends is transfem (a shared hatred for having a penis is a really nice bonding agent) which is one of the reasons this hits really close to home for me.

Now, to actually get to a point: I just want to give you some kind internet words in the hopes that they can maybe at the very least let you know you're not alone in all this. I would also like to offer you to reach out to me via dm if you need someone to talk to. (I could dm you some channels of contact if you want)

I don't know you but I looked through your post and comment history a bit and you seem like a wonderful and lovely lady. Please don't let this piece-of-shit system ruin that. Don't let it take your life.

Seriously, please don't hesitate to reach out if you think you could benefit from that. You're worth that, you deserve to have someone to talk to who can at least somewhat relate to what you're going through.

I'm German too, so no language barrier there.

Lots of love

this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2025
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