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Anon is a fighter (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] BlanketGuy@lemm.ee 4 points 2 hours ago

I say let him. We really don't need people like this anyway.

[-] nthavoc@lemmy.today 10 points 3 hours ago

Mike Tyson was going to fight a gorilla in his prime. The zoo keepers denied his request. While he can punch a hole in a human's chest, that gorilla was going to rip his arms off with absolutely no effort.

[-] andybytes@programming.dev 8 points 3 hours ago

Why bother fight a gorilla. Just cut the forest down and polute his environment. Steal his children put them in a zoo. Cut off his hands then and turn them into ash trays. We have already dominated the natural world now we are working on dominating future generations.

[-] Almacca@aussie.zone 4 points 3 hours ago
[-] BigBenis@lemmy.world 11 points 4 hours ago

This made me think of that time my partner's brother told me in complete earnest that he'd be able to jump off a skateboard going 20+ mph and run it out based solely off the fact that the fastest recorded human running speed is 28 mph and therefore he, an average fit 20 y.o. should be able to achieve 75% of that.

[-] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 hours ago

running at 12mph on a treadmill is scary and fucking exhausting.

[-] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

Yeah, I used to be able to do 1 mile flat out at about 9 mph, then I'm toast.

[-] bss03@infosec.pub 3 points 2 hours ago

I did 1 mi. in 7:19 today.

I have done 9.2 mph in some 1-2 minute sprints for HIIT.

I'd want somewhere soft to land (when the treadmill threw me) and a first aid team ready if I were to even attempt 12 mph!

[-] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 hours ago

yeah I was 15 years younger when I tried it and it was just a novelty.

[-] billwashere@lemmy.world 6 points 4 hours ago

If I had a gun in each hand, a bandolier full of knives, and a satchel full of grenades, I might be able to take down a gorilla. But likely not before he kills me first.

[-] Zron@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago

Sounds like you need a bigger gun for each hand.

.500 Smith and Wesson in each hand aught to do it.

Just make sure you land the first shot center mass, cause by the third you’re gonna be shooting at planes.

You will no longer have wrists, of course, but that is a small price to pay for victory.

[-] billwashere@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago

I have actually shot a .480 ruger. I think I’ll pass on the .500. The gorilla won’t need to do anything because I will have already offed myself trying to shoot those things one handed.

[-] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago

That would be how to do it. Humans have pretty good endurance as far as animals go. And gorrilas have pretty terrible punching technique and waste a lot of energy on those shitty downward over head swings that are pretty telegraphed.

My money will still be on the gorilla though unless you ad a few more people

[-] matlag@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 hours ago

Your best chance to kill a gorilla in a fight is probably to move so much air around him that he catches a f*cking cold and dies from it. If you don't actually touch him you may even have a non-0 survival chance as he ignores you.

[-] Zacryon@feddit.org 1 points 3 hours ago

It's good to set realistic goals to motivate your workout.

[-] mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 6 hours ago

if it wasn't so unethical towards the animals, i would love to let those people go for it.

Could only improve the human gene pool.

[-] selkiesidhe@lemm.ee 3 points 4 hours ago

Just turned to my husband to ask are there really men out there who think they can really fight a goddamn gorilla??? Is it a joke? Have they SEEN a gorilla??? A chimp gonna kick your ass and they're smaller than an adult man wtf!

[-] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 hours ago

Id personally be more scared of the chimp. The gorilla is mostly a peaceful animal.

[-] Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works 18 points 9 hours ago

I'd fight a gorilla, and win.

It would be a gun fight, from a distance, but a fight none-the-less, and I guarantee you, I know how to shoot better than a gorilla.

[-] ohshit604@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 hours ago

I know how to shoot better than a gorilla.

Insert Planet of the Apes intro.

[-] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 4 hours ago
[-] RedditIsDeddit@lemmy.world 10 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

The gorilla will rip his arms off and beat him to death with them before he even attempts to dodge it.

[-] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 41 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.

[-] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 20 points 13 hours ago

nah but anon is built different

[-] KinglyWeevil@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 13 hours ago

If not for the ethics on the side of the gorilla in terms of making them fight a human, I legitimately do think we should let every single person who thinks they can 1v1 them try. Idiocy of this level voluntarily removing itself from the gene pool is a net good for the species.

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[-] Asswardbackaddict@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago

I wanna be a gorilla field researcher. They're cool. I saw a video where a wildlife photographer was following a gorilla too close, and you're like, "that animal is fuck this guy up", right? Nah. The gorilla punches him in the face and keeps walking.

[-] Hugin@lemmy.world 12 points 11 hours ago

I got dunk and decide I could beat a brick wall in a fist fight once.

[-] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 5 points 11 hours ago

And then you were introduced to the term boxer's fracture...

[-] Hugin@lemmy.world 9 points 11 hours ago

Nah I had good friends with me.

[-] scathliath@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 10 hours ago

Google how much force do I have to give to the dome of a gorilla in punching to give him a debilitating concussion?

[-] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 22 points 14 hours ago

Gorillas' bones and muscles are way beyond anything this guy could ever experience in his 7 years of fighting idiots. I say idiots because they fight for money and fame, not for survival as a gorilla would. Jesus, their butt probably has more muscle mass than this guy's whole body. BTW, no homo.

[-] franklinovitch@lemmy.world 88 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

"reflexes similar to my speed"

Haha this is a classic French copypasta which is 20 years old and has just been translated by anon.

It is even cited in the French "copypasta" Wikipedia article in the examples section: https://fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copypasta

TL;DR: French and fake and gay

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[-] ZMoney@lemmy.world 107 points 21 hours ago

I recently saw a gorilla skull. Note how small the brain is and how much extra bone there is to protect it. Punching this would hurt you more than the gorilla.

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[-] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 204 points 23 hours ago
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this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
480 points (100.0% liked)

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