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submitted 5 days ago by cm0002@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

As in, not known to you IRL.

I've occasionally brought it up before, but a while back in my reddit days I was in a thread where a "professional deprogrammer" had popped in and was talking about how to "deprogram" conservatives and get them to shift left in their views. It centered around restoring their sense of community and belonging with more balanced viewpoint folks IRL and away from their online echo chambers.

I asked them if they had any way to convert someone you encounter wholly online and they said that it was basically impossible, IRL you have a decent chance, but not online.

I've been thinking about that quite a bit, so now I'm curious if anybody here has actually gotten an online conservative to come to the ~~dark side~~ light side?

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[-] Dearth@lemmy.world 47 points 5 days ago

I don't argue with conservatives online to try and change their minds. I argue with them to change the minds of people reading the argument. For every social media user that posts content, there are a thousand lurkers. I post arguments so hopefully some of those lurkers might change their mind away from nationalist authoritarianism

[-] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

I argue with them to change the minds of people reading the argument.

This is why I would labour to keep arguing until either I get last word, or the interlocutor clearly runs out of good arguments. You can't reason with people who never reason themselves into an idea to begin with. But you can convince the readers that the idea is dangerous and to keep away!

[-] fubo@lemmy.world 92 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I drifted slowly from right-libertarian to a more leftish position: pro-union, pro-social-programs, skeptical of the compatibility of unregulated capitalism with individual freedom. Still no fan of tankies.

This wasn't from anyone sitting down and trying to convince me, though. Part of it was discovering how close right-libertarianism had always been to white-supremacism: some old Ron Paul newsletters were unpleasantly enlightening. Part was seeing people who called themselves "libertarians" line up with the far right to support state violence, especially against black and brown people. And heck, part was from getting richer and seeing how that worked.

I have a lot of sympathy for the frustrations that get young men into right-wing positions and occasionally I try to puncture some of the nonsense they're being fed.

[-] jabathekek@sopuli.xyz 17 points 5 days ago

Still no fan of tankies.

So say we all.

[-] potoo22@programming.dev 16 points 5 days ago

Come over to anarchism (libertarian socialism). Anarchy isn't lawlessness; it's as close as we can get to true democracy. Not this 2 party bullshit. Government AND Corporations and People shouldn't tread on us. The government should serve the needs of the people and protect their rights from other people.

Side note, if you describe it as Anarchism and avoid saying "left", "liberal", or "socialism". You might be able to reach loosely right-wing people who would otherwise turn off at any of those words.

[-] fubo@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Thing is, the economists are right about free markets being a good idea; and free markets depend on a certain kind of regulation to exist. The trouble with capitalism is that it's never been a reliable ally of freedom of any sort; going back to the origins of capitalism in the private funding of colonial slaver monopolies. The association of capitalism with free markets is largely propaganda; capitalism started with colonial slaver monopolies like the VOC; to a first approximation every firm wants to be a monopoly, and a great way of doing that is political corruption; see today's USA.

But there's a reason every government since ever — from empires to democracies — has done things like standardize weights & measures, build public goods like roads to enable trade, and establish courts of law to enforce contracts and fair dealing. Those things are really good ideas! And I'm not sure I can credit the left-anarchist proposals to replace them any more than I can credit the anarcho-capitalist ones.

Mutualism sure has some nice ideas though.

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[-] singletona@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago

Anarchy means "without leaders", not "without order".

That is something so very many get wrong, either unintentionally, or because they've been told that lie constantly by a hierarchy hell bent on ensuring people can't think of any other way things are done.

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[-] HubertManne@piefed.social 10 points 5 days ago

I was a bit by the libertarian bug in college but what got me is just where you draw the line and it can never deal with economic inequality. Even if you started in perfectly level field it will lead to massive inequality eventually.

[-] Spaniard@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I was also right libertarian, although I have been called a fascist for that, , anyway I shifted from that slowly into anarchocristianism and I will stay here. I just don't believe in government anymore only in communities and obviously in God but that's another story.

I just want people to have their needs covered, to have strong sense of communities (love your neighbors) in non violent environments and I think human government is inherently violent either physically violent or economically violent. Jesus spoke of all this.

What I think people needs to understand is it's not the same to be left in the US than in Spain for example, different countries have different kinds of issues caused by different ideologies. So it's easy to understand why someone in Germany loves worker unions but in Spain don't because in Spain the biggest ones (UGT and CCOO) work for the government (the so called Leftist Psoe)

[-] fubo@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

anarchocristianism

To me this means Dorothy Day or Tolstoy. What does it mean to you?

[-] Spaniard@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

Same but mostly Jesus.

[-] renegadespork@lemmy.jelliefrontier.net 30 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Yes, and this is generally how it works:

  1. Establish that you care about their perspective, and truly mean it. Most people can sniff out insincerity.
  2. Start asking good faith questions about their position. If their beliefs are misguided, they will begin stumbling upon the flaws on their own. It’s okay to guide them gently with the questions, but don’t try to convince of them of any particular viewpoint, and don’t tell them they are wrong either directly or indirectly. That can undo any progress you made. Just focus on encouraging them to deeply analyze logic that you recognize to be flawed.
  3. Only offer your perspective / opinions if you are asked directly. If you’ve done #1 and #2 well, this should start happening. I recommend understating your opinions. You don’t have to lie, but keep rants to a minimum and use soft language.
  4. Be consistent. No one changes their world view overnight. It takes planting seeds, watering them consistently, and waiting.

P.S. If you are doing this correctly and with an open mind, there’s actually a good chance you might change your opinions on a some things, and that’s okay (as long as they aren’t harmful). It also can show them by example that opinions are flexible and should be based on evidence, not the other way around.

[-] Novocirab@feddit.org 4 points 4 days ago

Thank you, that's very insightful and useful.

[-] faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 49 points 5 days ago

I'm in the middle of pulling a chat friend out of his programming. His only real problem was being raised in Texas by a Good Ol Boy single father, and once he got out from under his dad's wing, he started to realize that what he was taught simply isn't lining up with reality.

He started out as an incel, but now he's in therapy and has a girlfriend.

I think of it less as 'converting' and more just holding his hand while he figures out that his dad's advice was complete horseshit. It takes forever, and not everybody has the spoons to pull it off, but I do, so I will.

[-] rice@lemmy.org 7 points 5 days ago

a man of high logic, far easier to convert than majority of them.

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[-] DrFunkenstein@lemm.ee 27 points 5 days ago

I was raised super conservative, and the two biggest steps on my journey to the left were Jon Stewart Bernie Sanders

Jon got my attention by pointing out the hypocrisy that did in fact exist on both sides. It gave me a space to exist where I wasn't just called a wrong dumb redneck and dismissed, but felt like he was actually trying to meet me where I was. That allowed me to let my guard down and actually listen to what he was saying.

Bernie Sanders came along in 2016 at a point where I would've called myself a centrist and basically did the same thing. Non judgmentally gave me a space to exist, listed some topics I cared about, then gave me a cause for them.

People don't like being told they're wrong. You cannot debate someone out of believing what they believe. What you can do is ask them questions. Get them to consider why they believe what they believe, and eventually they may start seeing contradictions and change their mind on their own.

[-] j4k3@lemmy.world 35 points 5 days ago

I was raised Right. Change is a long series of events that no one person or interaction triggers. Dogma is only truly changed from within.

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 17 points 5 days ago

I grew up believing 9/11 was an inside job and the planes were military cargo ones with missile pods and the purpose was an auto-coup and also a heist of the gold bullion stored in the towers basement, vaccines caused autism and a range of other diseases, and I voted for Clive Palmer (Australia's cheap dollar-store knockoff of Trump).

The turning point for me was getting off 4chan (I went via 99chan which became a nazi site before dying which is not great) , talking to more people besides just my mother and Aunt, and somehow stopping being a contrarian shitgibbon by losing the belief that all politics is irredeemably corrupt and a vote for Clive was a vote for chaos, respectively. I THINK I was looking for a world that was more interesting and made more sense than this one.

Ironically I started my internet life on &TOTSE, which is about as left as Lemmy, but there, I was an antisocial lying troll. Now I am not antisocial anymore.

I still believe that the moon is hollow and inhabited by ancient inbred families of cannibal Reptilians who aim to repopulate the earth but don't have the means to return, but that's fairly harmless IMO.

[-] j4k3@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

You've still got time.

I was in Geometry class when 9/11 happened. The day stopped. The news was turned on in class a few minutes before the second plane struck. I watched it in real time. I had been in those towers 6 months before too...

About the worst rabbit holes for me were giving any audience to perpetual motion trolls, and Brown's gas nonsense in car stuff.

Everyone tries to simplify messy complexity and we are all tribal in scope. I've learned to only pay attention to people with academic credentials. I don't watch translated nonsense from general news outlets. The information I pick up elsewhere is more collectivised where I expect to see a bunch of people talking about something from different angles before I view the information as relevant. I also do not care for any outlets claiming to bridge some divided narrative as these are controlling where the line in the sand is drawn. If two parties are Right and Right-Jihadists like in the USA, calling one party Left is manipulating by validating the status quo and outdated perspective.

What changed me started with stratification of rock layers and realizing deep time was not compatible with my religious narrative. I encountered a sharp personal dislike for biases and prejudice against others without logic or reason. I encountered a lot of plausible seeming arguments, but ultimately the people making those arguments had nothing to offer; they are trolls with no depth, interests, personality, community, richness in life. Look at such a person's profile and they are not real. There is no greater engagement or value they add to the world. All they do is make arguments that muddle political narratives. I learned to view these people as either getting paid to post or idiots. I care about real people and that means your politics should only ever be a small part of your person and profile. Any person that lacks a serious passion project and hobby(s) but posts their politics is a joke to me.

In a way, I extend this to any group now. Like do people in your group include Nobel laureates that contribute significantly to the advancement of humanity. Because if they don't, why bother wasting time with fools that lack top aspirations. Live life with no excuses. Excuses are for fools. Do the best you can with the cards you're dealt in life.

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[-] IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago

Most people do not respond to a single argument or fact. They accumulate multiple experiences. This is why the shift happens gradually for most people instead of instantly when they are confronted with facts.

[-] Windex007@lemmy.world 35 points 5 days ago

Don't know if I've ever done it, but it was done to me.

So, it's obviously possible.

I'm pretty amused by the mix of comments where people are offering up themselves as irrefutable evidence, while others proclaim with certainty it can't be done. Actually a humbling perspective see people who've convinced themselves trying to convince others I don't exist.

[-] cm0002@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago

Well it can be done, IRL, and it does seem as though it can be done online as long as it's across a time span of years and a deep well of mutual respect to lean on.

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[-] Distractor@lemm.ee 4 points 5 days ago

Would you mind sharing more details on your experience?

Like, was it a single person that got you thinking, or feedback from a group?

Is there a particular conversation that you remember as the start of change, or rather a gradual shift over time?

Did/was something happen(ing) in your personal life at the time that made you more open to hearing another opinion?

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[-] d00phy@lemmy.world 34 points 5 days ago

Before deleting most of my Reddit stuff, I had a good conversation with a conservative about climate change. They pulled out all the standard right wing talking points, and I tried to remain respectful as I provided sources that refuted every one. One they threw out that I hadn’t heard of at the time was “global wobbling,” which I had to look up. 10- minutes later, I responded, with sources, saying that it was yet another thing the right throws out to confuse the issue for voters, but something climate scientists are well aware of and can measure and predict. At that point, they thanked me for all the info and said they had some reading to do. That’s the best I’ve ever gotten. Don’t know if they changed their view, though.

[-] Stovetop@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago

I'd like to stay optimistic and hope they did as well, though if my own experience is any indicator, there's equal chance they fell into the pit of "Maybe climate change is real, but it's not that bad/it's better for me."

[-] Podunk@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago

Ill be honest, thats a victory in itself. Creating a crack isnt a loss. Its progress. As small as it may be. A damn doesnt fail because of a meteor hitting it. Its a crack here, a fracture there. It adds up.

The resiliency of that mentality isnt impenetrable.

[-] Mallspice@lemm.ee 17 points 5 days ago

Maybe but I feel I’ve made it worse sometimes too.

There’s a couple sayings. ‘The smart man sounds like crazy man to the stupid man’ and ‘You can’t win an argument with an idiot’.

As complex as it can be, it usually boils down to that or you just find out they’re rich, selfish, like control, and love schadenfreude.

[-] notastatist@feddit.org 5 points 5 days ago

But what is if I think the conservative/fashist sounds crazy to me? Is he smart then?? Am I the stupid?

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[-] Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

My "deprogramming," was more a series of small hints I was on the wrong path.

At first, people who tried arguing pushed me further toward the right. They came at me from inciting angles, making up facts to support their arguments. Yeah, the left bullshits too, and if you believe everything that supports your point of view without question - you're not that different from the people you hate.

I remember someone asking me to a Fahrenheit 9/11 showing at university, called me a Bush supporter when I wouldn't go. I wasn't, I just didn't like Michael Moore. Still don't for the above reasons.

Looking back, I could have gracefully immersed myself in other viewpoints if it weren't for the constant needling of wannabe academics and the automatic disdain they had for my views. I was attacked for even bringing up points because I was questioning myself. Honestly, I get why conservatives hate academia.

I will say some arguments stuck, though. Statements that sounded like complete nonsense in the moment make sense to me now, years later. It's not wasted breath to share your views with someone, they'll remember.

Regardless, I was still wrong and it wasn't other people's responsibility to educate me. I did that through meeting good, patient and understanding friends, actively trying to dismantle my biases, and through therapy. Oh, and some pretty intense acid trips. That shit will fast track you to a feeling of oneness with your community real quick.

[-] Sanctus@lemmy.world 21 points 5 days ago

No, because nobody is actually about discussions anymore. They want to be right. I've sat down and talked to plenty of right wingers, after and before all this crazy shit pushed everyone into tribalism, and it was mostly that we agreed on what was good but disagreed how to get there. I miss those times. Now it doesnt seem theres any middle ground to build on.

[-] Septimaeus@infosec.pub 7 points 4 days ago

Yes, however…

  1. Many people you meet online are not, strictly speaking, people.
  2. Of the remainder, many are there for a reason.

I would wholeheartedly agree with the deprogrammer with one clarification: “known to you IRL” refers more to anonymity than to whether your interactions take place online, and the reason for that is important to consider.

[-] Zarxrax@lemmy.world 15 points 5 days ago

I don't think anyone is going to change their views over an Internet post or conversation. Maybe someone might come around on a particular topic if an argument really resonates with them, but someone changing their entire worldview can take years. But sure, I think it's possible given enough conversation and slight nudging over time, given they aren't being more radicalized by other content every day.

[-] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago

I have changed my opinions by being exposed to new knowledge and different opinions multiple times, so I assume it could happen to other people too.

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[-] Tahl_eN@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago

I was very conservative. My drift leftward started before the internet was enough of a thing to have video debate spaces, but online debate has given me a lot to think about and pushed me farther left. I credit George Carlin with some of my early movement. He's like an online debate, just against air.

[-] AlecSadler@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 days ago

I was raised Christian. I was taught homosexuality was a sin. I used to angrily preach at others to convert them or they'll burn in hell. etc. etc.

Fuck those people

That said, no, I have not succeeded in shifting anyone's views ever. Typically the people I encounter are beyond saving unless the things happening directly impact them.

[-] lennybird@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

My family including my parents moved from rural conservative to progressive left (probably somewhere around Social Democrat).

I've spent A LOT of time trying to truly reach out to conservatives, Trump supporters, from this angle. It requires a lot of time, but know two key things:

  1. All you can do is plant seeds for neurons to grow. Belief structures get locked in like worn paths through a jungle, and so carving new ways requires an immense amount of time. You'll never see the fruits of your labor yourself — both because the vast majority of people have an ego they protect at all cost, and because by the time something "clicks" and new neural paths build, you'll be long gone.

  2. Always recognize that your target audience is not the individual, themselves, necessarily, but the onlookers to the discussion. Always hold the high road. Always be courteous and let them throw the first punches. You'll have a much easier task convincing the fence-sitters whose egos aren't directly on the line as a direct participant in the conversation.

You can increase the probability you'll reach these people by ending the conversation on a cordial note once you realize arguments are starting to become circular. You also know you made some decent ground if they just ghost the conversation or delete their entire comment chain without warning. You pierced their ego; they feel embarrassed. You've given them food for thought. Try to also frame how you got out of the echo-chamber so it's not necessarily an attack on them, but an example of growth on yourself.

It's a thankless task, the victories you'll never see until we see it on a statistical level. The problem is that it's a competition for who commands their attention the most, and you'll never compete with Twitter, Fox News. You just have to hope they have that eureka moment, combined with perhaps a direct run-in with the fascism you warn about.

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[-] DoucheAsaurus@fedia.io 11 points 5 days ago

I'm done trying to change minds, they're sure as shit not changing mine. I just can't with these people anymore. You can't reason someone out of an opinion they didn't reason themselves into.

Public shaming is the way to go, it's served humanity plenty well in the past to curb unwanted behavior and minority opinions. Shove the hypocrisy down their throats and revel in their little shocked Pikachu faces.

Using their own tactics against them is cathartic and effective, they're used to people trying to reason with them and then dragging you into more and more insane arguments and stances. The reins really come off when you realize you can lie just as much as they do and hand wave any counterarguments. Burden of proof? How about I just throw some more bullshit at you, etc. Quote the bible, extra points for obscure/confusing passages. Frustrate the fuck out of them, its only fair.

[-] Yoga@lemmy.ca 7 points 5 days ago

Shaming doesn't work. It just makes people hide and get worse.

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[-] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago

I've had small success with my aunt by focusing on her love of children, explaining how many are dying under the needlessly cruel boot of Israel

From what I have figured out:

  1. They need to already respect you in some way, this does not work on random strangers unless you are a top tier communicator or public figure

  2. You need to identify the levers, for my aunt it is babies in danger. It will be different for different people, you need to do your homework

  3. INFINITE PATIENCE and consistently reiterating your own genuine respect for them (this can be hard, you may need to dig deep), you need to show them that they aren't your enemy and that they have been lied to by people they have trusted for nefarious purposes

  4. Play on the rights inherent distrust for the elite, Muskrat and co ARE the elite! Look at what he's doing to medicare!

  5. It will take many, many sessions and you CANNOT falter or get impatient or it gives them an excuse to dismiss everything before

It's not easy, it takes time and effort, though it is doable

[-] cm0002@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago

Yea, IRL it's possible, but it's much got damn work. I'm doing this rn for some family members, and it's been a few years and I think I'm starting to make a breakthrough on one.

I've needed to stoop to some "drastic" measures though, like manipulating their favored corporate social media algorithms away from the alt-right bubbles or drastically artificially slowing down certain places like Facebook so that it's "painful to use"

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[-] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 days ago

While I haven’t convinced anyone, I have seen things shift to a more class conscience level.

Luigi might have been the turning point. Slowly right wing spaces are turning anti rich.

I haven’t been able to convince anyone, but I’ve gotten people to agree if I just focus on “I want this in my country cause it would benefit me as a working class man”.

So imo it’s less about going head on and more about finding something you could agree with and just solidifying that, if they are gonna move left it’s gonna happen slowly by them observing their life.

[-] OccamsRazer@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago

Luigi situation is interesting because pretty much everyone agrees that the health insurance industry is broken. While most conservatives (probably?) disagree with his method, they can't wholly disagree with his motive.

[-] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

I'm getting there with my coworker although I wouldn't quite call her conservative; she voted for the NDP in Canada where we live as we are both union members and that's who we vote for, but she loves Trump, but in this crumbling hellscape of the last few months and the tariffs he's hollering on about on Canada, she doesn't like that because she can't cross border shop. She says he's gone rather loony although she still likes him.

However, she isn't stupid, and she watches all sorts of news from all over and doesn't just blindly believe in the cult. The last few days I have explained dark money to her, and how it fuels elections in the US for both parties and how basically the Koch brothers and all the Tanton network groups fund Trump. I gave her some articles to read, and she's starting to get it. I didn't put it from the perspective of hating trump, just that she should know how these things are funded for everyone (the Democrats are no stranger to dark money either and just because the groups they funnel it in under sound sunnier and less racist doesn't make them any less sketchy), and how the political landscape is manipulated that way. I am finding she's listening to this, and coming away with a better perspective, rather than trying to explain why he's totally wrong. Dark money is a topic I recommend to everyone to learn about, because these elections in the US are being bought by dark money.

[-] MissJinx@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago

Feel free to disagree but in my own experience observing people any tipe of radical thought is usually a mental health issue. You can't treat mental health through comments.

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[-] FundMECFSResearch 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

If it means anything, I started my journey on lemmy as an armchair socialist who in practice was more a welfare capitalism type person. Now I’m a full on anarchist (anti-capitalist). So a steady stream of influence, especially when people make good points and it helps make sense of my suffering, has shifted my political views strongly.

(But the basis for that shift was already kind of laid out, I’ve been fascinated by anarchist critiques for a while, and one of my favourite political authors was one. But the sort of being in a community of likeminded people [lemmy] and having significant suffering at the hands of the current system that made me more strongly shift towards those views).

On the other hand. Simply having a few conversations with my vaguely left wing partner about my views has led her to go from vaguely social democrat to anarchist.

I think the lesson is change is possible, it’s just a slow series of events that add up. Usually there isn’t one thing that straight up switches a person.

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[-] BromSwolligans@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago

Does it count if I did it to myself?

[-] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 7 points 5 days ago

You have two options:

  1. Insist upon yourself, with presentable and short facts hard to deny
  2. Argue from their perspective and draw their ire towards the party they (used to) support with their own morals

People change minds even if you don't see them do so directly, option 1 could pay off in the future as they shift certain narratives, understand certain topics and gain new morals or goals, but option 2 is immediately and pays off if they listen, someone who supports war would be turned off from supporting trump if you, say, used trumps incompetence to blame him for 'risking American troops'

[-] Kichae@lemmy.ca 6 points 5 days ago

I have been told by multiple people (so, like, two. Maybe 3) over the years that things I have posted have changed their minds and their leanings on political topics. But these were not any of the people I was directly addressing. I think they may have all been before the rise of Big Social, too.

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this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2025
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