I was fearing someone else would also be struggling with this.

My suggestion is:

Choose pudú.

Ooooh you're gonna get that fresh passport smell!! mmMMMmm plastic that lets you cross gates with armed guards. :D

Congrats on the awesome goal and it's good you're making plans! Videos of airports sounds umm.. well, I guess you gotta get psyched somehow. hehe. I'm really glad you're getting in the right headspace too.

I hope you get your passport soom and have amazing, wonderful adventures everywhere around the world, and all your wildest dreams not only come true, but are surpassed beyond your imagination. No, seriously. I hope you have good travels. The time I spent traveling changed my life for the best.

Godspeed, Elaine Cortez. Godspeed and thanks for sharing a little bit about your life. :)

Noooooooooooooooooooooo I hate sleeping in the wrong position, and yeah it sounds like you have a bad case of that.

Idk how to help you get through the pain tbh. Siatica can be horrible. Sorry. Hope you feel better soon and if we don't speak till then, good luck on the interview tomorrow!

I believe in you, Ardyssian. You got this.

Me too, DarkFuture. Me too.

Me three

That happens to me too. I sometimes just don't sleep out of... idk... spite? Not sure if that makes sense or not but it's like "screw you, pudutr0n, you don't get to sleep more. me and the boys are going out to have fun!"

I'm sorry about your little boy and I hope he's not as cranky as you expect. You're doing good work raising a little human with care and support. Not everyone has the same consideration.

Hope you have a great day. Peace to you, RizzoTheSmall.

A counselor being dismissive can't feel good. Really sorry about that. And yeah, the US seems to be pretty chaotic right now. It feels to me like the entirety of western civilization is in crisis sometimes, and I get overwhelmed and stressed. It really does feel very dangerous and I wish it didn't affect you and so many other people as much as it has.

Not saying I have any solutions but sometimes, when my entire life and everything is going straight to hell, i can make myself feel a little bit better by closing my eyes and remembering the good things I still do have, and just appreciating them for a second amidst the chaos. Like the support of people who care, the little health I have left, the roof over my head and my computer. haha. In my case it ain't much, but it could be a lot worse. For me, anyway.

Just those little moments of trying to find some precarious version of inner peace make it a bit more manageable to me. Not that they'll fix anything regarding circumstance, but they let me catch a breath and sometimes that's what I need.

Thanks for taking the time to open up and I really wish the world becomes a friendlier place for you and all of us. Take care and with any luck, those counselors will start doing their jobs better to actually help people having a crisis.

Stay strong, ocean.

I get you. In light of recent events I ended up looking for answers in a philosophy text book and landed on Jean-Jacques Rousseau and his social contract.

There were two points to me that stuck out, the first was that Rousseau how systems of governance become increasingly difficult the larger the group (modern communication would probably make this easier) and that the public will must be inclusive of all, not exclusive.

Looking out at the US today, I feel like it utterly fails in this philosophy (even though founders like TJ were a fan of his work), and while lot of places also fail, but the US at this point in time feels completly anathema to the concept of empathy, ethics, and the public will. Unfortunatly, the solution that historically tended to go hand in hand with these enlightenment ideals also got a bit choppy with kings, fairly revolty and that is a hard pill to swallow.

I know, it's total chaos. It's just awful. The world survived him once, so our survival rate is 100%. Doesn't make it easier going through it though, and the whole thing is awful

That sounds really hard to handle. I'm sorry.

there are some aspects of my personality and person that took me a long time to come to terms with and accept because they seemed all bad to me. No possible upside. With time, thought, I came to understand that those aspects of myself have different value depending on context and situation, and sometimes, although not often, being the way I am in those ways I hate is great and a huge advantage.

Idk if this applies to you, but idk. Surely black holes are good for something? Maybe their power of attraction can somehow be channeled.

Either way, sorry you're struggling with that. Good luck.

Me too, edgemaster72. Me too.

Stay strong and keep your mastery on those edges!

I hear that, Metju. I really do.

Most of the most miserable moments of my life where during times i had everything "on paper", as in... the check list of "things you need to be happy" was complete. Nowadays I'm poorer, unhealthier, have less friends, have a worse job, no partner, and basically have nothing glamorous to brag about... but I'm about a hundred times happier than I was back when i had the full checklist.

It's funny cause I want some of those things back now, despite knowing how irrelevant they are. There's something about me wanting to lie to myself about how important those things are and my happiness being up to them and not myself.

Yeah, human psyche is fucked. I guess the lies we tell each other to get status, money or votes we end up believing and then we go on these wild goose chases.

I'm sorry you're dealing with self hatred. If it's of any value to you at all, you seem like an insightful person and I appreciate you taking your time to share your thoughts and feelings with me.

Take care, Metju.

❤️🫂

Damn. I've been in similar moods / states of mind and they can really be hell. Even did my very best to get the deed done one time, but ended up waking up in a hospital, only to be locked up in a psych ward for months. It was the single most horrible time period of my life.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know how it feels and I have no doubt in my mind you don't deserve one ounce of it. I don't know if anyone does tbh.

I'm glad you could get out of the funk and yeah, exercise seems like one of those things that is all benefit once you get rolling. Glad it helped and hope things pick up. Keep the happy chems flowing. :)

Well first of all, congrats on the kid and good for you for owning up on it and adapting to their arrival. Might be scary but seems like you're handling that well so kudos. I'm sorry the days are hard right now. Hope you can make that career change work. To me it's been weird. Opportunity comes at the strangest times and to me it's all been about keeping my eyes open. Good luck and thanks for taking your time to tell and and us about your life. Much appreciated, cod.

Woah! Congrats! Feels so good to have hard work recognized. I bet you've been doing an awesome job too. If I had to bet, probably well deserved.

Thanks for sharing and have a nice day Joeyowlhouse.

Well that sounds hard as hell. Sorry, MoreFPSmorebetter. Really sorry. And umm.. can relate. A whole lot, actually. Like, your issues sound so much like my own it's nuts. I feel deeply represented by your struggles.

I also try to keep maximum honesty and try to let people in, but it feels like part of me just won't open up to trust, no matter how hard I try and truly want to be seen by someone. Anyone, sometimes. It's like There's always an emotional tightness inside me somewhere that is clenching on something intimate, for some reason, and will not let go for anything. Like part of my heart is for no one. Not even myself. It is only to be hidden and locked in at all cost.

Your post actually gave a lot of insight into my own condition, so I appreciate you sharing and I think I'll benefit from your story. I wish I could offer something in return, but beyond hearing, relating and knowing what it's like I have no tools or solutions that help with the core issue. If I did, I probably would be out enjoying my life instead of trying to feel better about myself and exorcise my deeply rooted shame by trying to help strangers have it better here... So I guess, in some weird way, something good is coming out of all my bs, for someone at least.

Despite your issues being unresolved and causing you pain, I don't think your progress is meaningless. It gave me insight, anyway. If anything but that, it's something I'm grateful to you for. Thanks for helping me introspect.

I guess what I really feel is that the future is uncertain for those like us, but I know I become a better person when I have hope for myself. I treat myself and others more kindly and carefully and with more consideration... Even if they never get across the wall, I make my best efforts to throw them things that might be useful to them from behind it. I really do.

I eat my sadness away too and have been doing so the last few weeks, and i'll tell you something... It hasn't helped. The void's still there. The situation doesn't change. I just feel more guilty and more ashamed, only with a full stomach.

I think I'm gonna go get something healthier to eat now. It's way past lunch time and I've been starving myself. Thanks for the reminders, please treat yourself with more kindness and umm... idk... good luck. I sometimes have faith in myself, so I can definitely have faith in you.

Some day we'll tear down the wall. Some day.

Thanks for sharing. <3

Yeah it seems like the year's been so long and it's not even april yet. Crazy stuff.

I'm glad you were doing well yesterday. Thanks for sharing!