412
The girlfriend-zone
(lemmy.world)
Are the non-ace okay?
This comments section stinks of Old Spice.
I'm a cishet dude. I think sex is awesome. but I don't understand the need to fuck everything that moves.
I get it, women can be very beautiful, sexy, cute, pretty, cool, whatever... there's all kinds of nice. and I do appreciate that a lot. I do appreciate seeing a woman who's any of those things. even none of those things. but I don't get ... like why do you feel the need to fuck every single person? friends are so fulfilling. the endless thirst is weird.
edit: please don't come at me with evo psych shit. can't believe people actually do this still. shitting is a biological drive too, but I don't look at every surface as a toilet because I understand that it's appropriate to shit at a toilet but not on a driveway. I think it's possible to respect women as much as you can respect driveways to not see them as objects to your so-called biological drive.
also how come women don't try fuck everything with a dick? you think it's not biological for women? come on.
no the answer isn't evolution or biology. it's sociology. we need to educate and socialize our boys better.
Contrary to what most dudes here are preaching, I think this happens just because most dudes rarely have any deep personal connection with a woman and, once they do, they feel attracted to them.
That last bit is easy to answer. I mean, I agree with you 100%.
When you’re talking about the difference between the drive of men and women though there’s one really really huge difference.
A woman can have one child a year and for a limited window in her life. A man can have as many kids as they can get women. A woman needs to be selective about a mate whereas a man can push out as many children as possible and hopefully some of them will be able to carry on the dna.
That is if we’re looking at it from a purely biological standpoint and we don’t take our intelligence into account, and I don’t know how much time you’ve spent around the average motherfucker, but I worked in a gas station in a town with no bars so I was the only way a man could get alcohol. And oh boy, the average motherfucker ain’t right.
I tend to agree. People tend to discount the biological drive, and even of we aren’t animals about it the drive certainly will color decision making.
That leaves the social factors that keep the sexes from easily and widely just being friends (a mess that isn’t gonna be solved in this discussion) and how we use our brains to override biology…some plainly better about it than others.
Word of the day (because I suspect many humans don't realize they fall into this category):
I didn't say I don't have sexual attraction. if anything my attraction has broadened since my teenage years, I find so many more types attractive than I did during peak hormonal days.
finding people sexy or beautiful isn't the same as treating all of them as goals. you can just think hey she's hot without needing to get in their pants.
also I'm not saying people shouldn't try to fuck anyone, I'm saying they shouldn't try to fuck everyone.
Well not having sexual attraction at all would be asexual, rather than demi-sexual, and even then, you can still find or think someone is attractive without actually being sexually attracted to them, as it's not really the only form of attraction to exist.
And unfortunately, usually due to any number of personal problems, including but not limited to lack of impulse control, it seems quite difficult for many to not want sex with whoever they find attractive, as I've personally seen several times by now.
But of course that's hard for me to exactly understand given I don't seem to feel sexual or romantic attraction to anyone myself, despite having or being close enough emotionally to people that either would be reasonably apparent.
And of course, I don't mean offense toward people in consensual circumstances such as an open relationship with that second line, quite the contrary, as that's not an impulse control issue, nor an problem if consent is given and done safely, etc.
Demisexuals do have sexual attraction though.
It's just they don't really want to have sex with someone unless they first have an emotional bond (and since it's a spectrum, some literally don't find a person sexy at all until there's an emotional bond).
A lot of people don't have that limitation though - it's not a goal or anything, they just also get sexual urges with hot people and therefore want to have sex.
Those people usually are up for / have one night stands for example, because they don't really need any emotional connection to want to have sex.
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This a premium shitpost. I fucking love it
Hits too close to truth to qualify for a shitpost. And I am saying that as a man, observing...
Who says satire/shitpostery can't cut close to the bone? The best ones are the ones that make us evaluate ourselves under a critical lens.
I don't dispute the point for satire, but shitposts never struck me as being concerned with reality... Maybe I just misunderstand the genre.
Yeah, I'm with you. My understanding of the term "shitpost" is that it's, by definition, low-effort and/or low-quality.
Do what I do: Be fat and ugly. Not only will you not be in the girlfriend zone, men will go out of their way to make sure you know they "don't see you that way" regardless if you were interested or not.
Oof.
And that username; double oof.
Yey to us fat chicks! for real when I was super fit and beatiful having friends was hard, even at work! Now that I'm fat I'm much more relaxed, have a nice mixed (men and women) group of friends and don't worry about bosses wanting to fuck me
Edit: Also I want to add 2 things for the younger ones:
-
A bad relationship is worst than no relationship
-
If you are not happy and confortable by yourself you'll never be happy with someone else
I don't think I'm fat and ugly but I did start putting out mad lesbian energy (I'm queer but not strictly into any one gender) and men now just think I won't be into them either way so they just talk to me like a human. To think of all the friendships I lost to shitty guys in my 20s when I could've just said I was gay the whole time....
if you lost the friendships because you aren't gay then they weren't going to be any good. that's not losing friendships that's you being neo dodging all the bullshit coming your way
Girl needs a gayfriend.
Gay dudes get all the ladies.
Perhaps instead of teasing the queer kids in highschool, Chad's shoulda been taking notes.
And every chad should have a gay guy friend. The women will always be around. The law of averages says the chad will end up with lots of options that find him desirable. Plus having a gay guy friend will likely improve said chad in various ways that most women like.
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Hot girl problems. It's a real thing and leads to a tremendous amount of loneliness for them. If you are very clear and the guys aren't all invested already, then it's a great way to start a legit friendship. Problem is that with a lot of cute girls, they have had so many bad experiences with guys putting them in the girlfriend zone that they just end up jaded.
It's our responsibility as individuals never to get jaded, and also to be honest with ourselves about what kind of energy are we putting out there. Is the OP crossing boundaries with these guys, suggesting they may become more by accepting their overly nice gestures, actions, texts and gifts? If not, then it's the guys fault.
She could always make some girl friends but we all know how difficult THAT is. Hot women need some accountabilityv though if they're ever going to get out of this rut
This reads a bit like satire. Really good satire!
The "girlfriend-zone" is a word im stealing from this...
Oh, it's definitely satire, making fun of "nice guys" who complain that they've been "friendzoned".
The horror, friendship!
but I'm NICE! How couldn't she love me?
Congrats on meeting the bare minimum of being a decent human, fucko.
Also so often they aren't nice, they just think they are.
But for real. Wash frequently, groom yourself, get out of the house, and start making platonic friends. From there learn to flirt. Oh also, acknowledge the reality of how attractive you are and while it's totally cool to shoot above your range, accept that you're probably going to get someone similarly desirable to you. Oh and get your mental and emotional health under a certain level of control, emotional labor is part of a relationship but so often I see lonely people seeking codependency.
I was once a weirdo loser who couldn't get a partner, and anyone who can't do the above needs to take a good long look at why and resolve those issues. If you can't be happy single a relationship won't make you happier, they're more of happiness multipliers.
get out of the house,
But the sun is out there. I think I'll stay where the giant nuclear fusion reactor can't see me
Join us vampires by only going out at night
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She's being too nice.
It's the Fuck Zone,and too many guys put all the women in it who aren't in the Mom Zone or the Bitch Zone (and there's some overlap there).
just don't break both your arms, apparently that causes an expansion of the fuck zone
I think it is satire... I realized once I read the bolded "it's just how they're wired, biologically." But yes indeed, very good satire.
It's both satire and a reversal of the same experience.
I wish people would put me in the girlfriend zone ( I'm a man)
Or the freindzonr would be nice too.
I hate that this is satire but also pretty much true. Men are not generally socialized to recognize uncomplicated, unsexual fondness for a woman.
I'm not sure I'm even capable of not wanting to sleep with a woman that I get along well with. Like, I don't ACT on those feelings so as not to fuck up good friendship but they are there.
Thanks for sharing. I definitely find people far more attractive once I get to know them than as strangers.
It's okay to feel like that, you just need to be in control of your actions and in your case you are! So good job
The thing about socialization is that it's ongoing throughout life. A guy having male friends who can tell him "idk bro sounds like platonic affection" can help him learn even as an adult
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I have an opposite problem. When I (I'm a guy btw) was in school, I sometimes just want to have friends but whenever I talked to girls, I worry that girls would just think I have some other motive (which it seems to me like every boy in my class do just want romantic relationships). Like maybe I'm asexual/aromantic, but I never wanted those types of relationships, I prefer a long lasting friendship.
(I don't have much friends either way, regardless of gender; current amount of friends is: zero; because I just stopped talking to people after highschool, oh well 🤷♂️)
I (straight male) always found it easy to connect with girls, but I was also raised in a very feminist family (despite my mother being nominally conservative).
Dating is a lot of work and vulnerability and an attempt at 'clicking' on many more levels than friendship. It definitely wasn't that I wasn't interested in dating (I very much was), but 'Gorl fun AND pretty' just wasn't enough to automatically spark my interest in romance. 'Gorl fun' meant possible friend; 'Gorl pretty' was most girls, because girls pretty.
I got spontaneously voted the most handsome boy in the class when I was in 10th grade though. Always burnished that particular memory on the Altar of Ego.
God, that final bit. I was a resident assistant for my dorm in college for a year. Didn't date anyone that year. Had plenty of crushes, including plenty from the dorm. At the end of the year, my coworkers (female RAs) were like, "yeah we were all so surprised you didn't go out with anyone, like, half the girls here were in love with you." And I just stared into the middle distance, "and you didn't think to tell me???"
"We thought you knew!"
"I DID NOT"
How were you supposed to know? If half the girls acted the same then how could you know that anything was afoot?
Never really thought about it that way, but that's a decent point.
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this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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