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submitted 3 months ago by kionite231@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Hello,

First of all I don't really get the actual meaning of "please". I understand it as it used to make a polite request. However I have rarely seen any westerner saying "please" on either Lemmy, Mastodon or IRC. where I live using "please" (मेहरबानी) is used often.

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[-] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 76 points 3 months ago

I say it often in my day to day life. I don't use it much on Lemmy because I rarely ask anyone to do anything on here

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 43 points 3 months ago

There's rarely a use for it online. It's used to make a request, and a lot of online discourse is making statements.

Irl, it's a lot more common

[-] stealth_cookies@lemmy.ca 41 points 3 months ago

"Please" is used more in verbal or formal communication in English. I wouldn't typically use it when writing a comment here as online comment sections are considered informal written communication. But I would always say it if I was asking a food service worker for something.

[-] charonn0@startrek.website 25 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

"Please" is short for "if it pleases you" or "if you please". It's used to turn a command into a request. It's probably not used on Lemmy, etc. because we're not requesting things of each other a lot.

[-] communism@lemmy.ml 11 points 3 months ago

It's probably not used on Lemmy, etc. because we're not requesting things of each other a lot.

Speak for yourself please. Make me a sandwich please

[-] yads@lemmy.ca 23 points 3 months ago

People say it in person a lot. Another factor might be that some people view it coming across as either non genuine or passive aggressive in written form.

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 21 points 3 months ago

Online discourse tends not to be the kind of place (in the English-speaking world) where "please" is the appropriate response.

[-] angel@lemmy.ml 19 points 3 months ago

I rarely use 'seldom'

[-] Nemo@midwest.social 13 points 3 months ago

I only use it in writing when making direct requests. I say it quite often.

[-] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 13 points 3 months ago

And you're sure your criteria includes Canadians?

[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 months ago
[-] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

Or anywhere ffs

[-] LordPassionFruit@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

Honestly. I genuinely have to fight to not say please and thank you.

[-] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago

I'm fanatical about saying please and thank you, and it drives me batty that others don't. Someone offers you a snack, say no thank you, don't say "no I don't like those" like a goddamned toddler.

[-] people_are_cute@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 3 months ago

where I live using “please” (मेहरबानी) is used often.

Bro where tf are you living 😂

I'm Indian too and have never come across anyone unironically using that word in daily conversations

[-] kionite231@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 months ago

It's used mostly by strangers TBH, not by someone I already know.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

Online? No. It comes off as snarky.

In real life, and emails? All the time. Please and thank you.

[-] BearOfaTime@lemm.ee 9 points 3 months ago

They do/don't?

Gonna need a source for this claim.

[-] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 12 points 3 months ago

Gonna need a source for this claim, please.

[-] OsaErisXero@kbin.run 1 points 3 months ago
[-] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 1 points 3 months ago

Indeed. That's why I didn't also add a question mark.

[-] Umbrias@beehaw.org 2 points 3 months ago

Need is directly in opposition to please. This makes your addition an ironic use of please, and not a polite one, which actually fits the ops observation better than the initial comment did.

[-] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 2 points 3 months ago

Maybe in some cases, but in this case the use of "need" is insincere in the first place. A please at the end softens and adds a little bit of humility to what was originally a somewhat hostile response.

[-] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 9 points 3 months ago

In Australia in the aboriginal culture I was raised in, there is no word for please. We never used it growing up

We have a ward for thank you mah,

We say thank you but if you have something and can give it and someone asks you are obliged to provide.

In today's world this causes many problems with money etc though.

[-] j4k3@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

This is very nuanced and could be difficult to understand, but the word please can have a negative context between people that are related, like with family, or when codependent such as housemates or coworkers. The word please can have a negative emphasis like nagging. As an example, one might say:

  • Please take out the trash.
  • Take out the trash! Please!
  • PLEASE! TAKE, OUT, THE TRASH!

These are common forms of natural speech where the word please does not have the same meaning exactly. In the latter two examples, the word please is like a subtle way of saying, 'just do what I ask without further arguing.

The language and formalities greatly depend on where you live, the local culture, and the population density in that region. In rural parts of the USA, formalities are common, but often are very hallow in deeper meaning. For instance, in the Deep Southeastern USA, like Alabama, there is a common phrase 'bless your heart.' This phrase actually means, "I disagree and think that you are a fool," but the meaning is like an unspoken truth and an inside joke at the same time. If you confront the phrase directly, the person will tell you they only meant the phrase positively, and they will make you look and feel like a fool for assuming it was said negatively. If you fail to realize the true meaning of the phrase, everyone that does know the meaning will see you as a fool. If you recognize the true nature of the statement, you are forced to rephrase your argument or agree to disagree.

The word please is most common in these rural cultures along with words like sir and ma'am. This language culture has a strong association with the conservative Right, religious extremism, deep prejudice, and toxic stupidity in the USA. That subculture association seems to impact the use of such linguistic formalities elsewhere in the country.

The word please still has a basic meaning of kindness among strangers or coworkers, but its formal use as a normative standard has a strong association with the worst of our subcultures in the USA. The second I hear someone talking like that, I immediately distrust them like seeing a person walk into a bank wearing a trenchcoat and a ski mask.

[-] Arfman@aussie.zone 5 points 3 months ago

Not a westerner but after moving to Australia, took me a while to get used to using please. It's not common where I'm from lol

[-] makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml 5 points 3 months ago

Please let me know, how you know, they are westerners?

[-] Eol@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Does it really mean anything? If you're a respectable person isn't it implied? Thank you as well. People should be able to see the thankfulness... Too many assholes fucked up use of please and thank you trying to look good when they aren't being good. Now sometimes I see it as a sign someone's trying to take advantage or hide their true self.

I say it in newer company but I don't know if I say it to often to people I know.

[-] davel@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 months ago

I just checked, and I used “please” about 30 times in the last year on lemmy.ml. I live in Burgerland.

[-] kionite231@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 months ago

Did you mean Burgenland? It's a funny typo.

[-] davel@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 months ago

I meant Burgerland, home of the Whopper and the Big Mac.

[-] emergencyfood@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 months ago

Burgerland is slang for the USA.

[-] Alice@beehaw.org 3 points 3 months ago

It's funny, I was ALWAYS taught to say please growing up, but as an adult I only hear it in more formal settings, or from older folks. I think people realized that tone and body language also show that you're trying to be pleasant and not bossy, and dropped the habit of saying it.

I'm sure it's regional, though, and I'm only speaking for one small chunk of the US.

[-] BCsven@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 months ago

At a restaurant, or with people you don't know it is common to use please and thankyou, less common with family, but still done. But online writing, please and thankyou seems uncommon

[-] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 months ago

Rusty on my reading of devanagari-- is that pronounced like "meharbaanii"?

[-] kionite231@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 months ago

Yes, that's correct.

[-] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 3 months ago

I use it constantly in the real world. Not on Lemmy. But I consider this to be pretty informal.

I also deliberately say "I beg your pardon," instead of "Excuse me." The former is a request. The latter is mostly a demand, at least in the USA the way people behave.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

Con su permisso, or Excuse me please, when I need to move past someone. Yeah it's a demand but a polite one I think.

[-] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 months ago

Because the boomers forced us to say it or we got hit and we are through appeasing them.

[-] EleventhHour@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

it's not so seldom in my experience.

[-] Admetus@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 months ago

Much more likely they're saying 'thanks in advance' in the original post or otherwise they reply with gratitude for useful replies and answers.

If they don't, then yes, they're probably immature, a 14 year old or just a twat.

[-] ulkesh@beehaw.org 2 points 3 months ago

sudo make me a sandwich…please

[-] black0ut@pawb.social 1 points 3 months ago

Command make not found, but can be installed with apt-get install make.

[-] card797@champserver.net 2 points 3 months ago

I write and speak the word please quite a lot. In all of my emails when requesting things for work or pleasure I use it. I was raised in the US South and I think it's very common practice here to teach kids in such a way. My own kids are being taught the same. I can't obviously speak for the rest of Western society though.

[-] jbrains@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 months ago

I'd like to know where you are expecting to read "please" on Lemmy or Mastodon where it seems not to be commonly used.

[-] h3mlocke@lemm.ee 1 points 3 months ago
this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2024
39 points (100.0% liked)

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