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How's your week been?
(self.trans)
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this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2024
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I'll try to keep the story short.
I would like to briefly preface my story with the fact that I have alot of health related issues and my parents have been with me and super supportive the whole way... that is until I identified as trans. So I'm a bit torn on what to do at the moment. ( They don't like that I'm trans )
I am currently dealing with alot of depression in regards to my parents. Both my Dad and my Step Mom are pastors and very religious Methodists. They are strongly against me being trans.
I started hormone therapy in Nov 2022 and I've been very happy with my progress. But around Nov 2023 I came out to my parents and it at least wasn't hateful but my parents didn't like it and were very emotional.
Cut to where I'm at now. They sent me these long worded letters on how it's wrong and why I shouldn't be transitioning etc. Dad went the science approach and Mom went the religious approach.
And they keep demanding a response from me. But everytime I bring myself to even try to respond I just domino effect into that depression hole. I'd much rather work, play my video games, hangout with friends and just ignore the problem.
Which I know ignoring problems can be bad... I'll figure out a way to deal with it somehow.
On a lighter note, I have ALOT of new trans friends and stuff so I have a sort of support network. And I recently got a new girlfriend who is local. So I got that going for me. :-)
I just want you to know that if you consider yourself religious, your parents' interpretation isn't the only one out there. I know a lot of Methodists who are very supportive of trans and LGBTQ people. My entire family on both sides are mainly Methodist (a lot of them pastors as well), and support really just varies from person to person. United Methodists are generally more supportive. The pastor at my church (United Methodist) was very supportive of me when I came out to him, and uses my name and pronouns.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
I actually did research way back when and found the website strongfamilyalliance. And they have a resource for "Faith Based Organizations" to show the general consensus of support for LGBTQIA+ by various religions. Some say they support it and some say they don't. Regardless, I found it to be a very helpful resource.
Sorry to hear about your parents. There are definitely arguments you could make on both the science and religious fronts, but it depends on the specifics of what they will believe or accept as credible. To start with the science, what we do know and have plenty of empirical evidence for is that transitioning is overwhelming effective at reducing harm and achieving life-saving and positive health outcomes, see: https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/
I appreciate it. This is very helpful thank you :-)
I do feel that HRT has helped me in alot of ways.
One of the biggest benefits for me, possibly as a result of being true to myself, is that I have more confidence in myself and I'm more open about things. And that has lead me to making way more friends than I've ever had.
I used to be more reserved mostly because I was afraid of what others think. And while I'm still afraid of what others might think I also don't care anymore and just want to exist as the best me I can be. :-)
I haven't been able to tell my parents about that tho cause of the friction between us.
What I just wrote may in fact be part of the letter I should write to them.
Thanks for the help :-)
Tell your mom that God made you trans, and God doesn't make mistakes. He also has a lot to say about how we should love each other. You can't change being trans, but you will pray about it and deal with it in the best way available, by transitioning.
Tell your dad that the science is not super clear, but whatever he is reading decided their conclusion first and then looked for data to back up their predudices.
Tell them both that you want to have a good relationship with them, but if they keep sparking arguments trying to convince you they know more about your brain, body, and soul then you do, you will have to limit the time your spend with them for your own well being.
My mom cried when I came out to her. We didn't talk about it for years. I told her when I started hormones, and while we had some rocky days, she always maintained that she loves me and wants me to be happy. We are closer than ever, and she introduces me as her daughter now.
I hope your parents come along to love and affirmation eventually.
I appreciate your response. Thank you :-) hugs
I'm not sure I can be so blunt about it... but yeah I'll take that into consideration to help me. Thank you.
Just wanted to say that you have ZERO responsibility to justify or DeBaTe your existence to ANYONE, including your parents.
It's not your problem, it's theirs.