My god so often.

• That time I was obsessed with/cluelessly envious of Kim Petras for like a week in 2009.
• Wishing that I could grow up in a fem cybernetic body the way Motoko did in Ghost in the Shell.
• "Boy clothes are so boring, girls are so lucky they get to wear all these cool things"
• That weird empty/jealous feeling I got when looking at pretty girls and even artistic renditions of women. One time this feeling was so bad I typed some rant describing this into my friend group's "art" channel in discord. Nobody responded thankfully but I'm sure they had questions.
• Never being comfortable with being referred to by my full name but being alright with the shortened version/nickname that is much more gender neutral.
• Unexplained platonic attraction to trans women and gnc people (I guess this one's not so much dysphoria as it is just a possible sign)
• Hating the idea of my voice deepening, and feeling kinda weird when I got mistaken for my dad over the phone. I think I subconsciously altered my voice over the years because my voice comes out very breathy now despite being somewhat deep. (Could also be social anxiety, still figuring this one out)
• ~~Crying~~ Bawling the year I got a gift box of Old Spice cologne and deodorant for Christmas.
• Feeling uncomfortable with picking male characters in games that give you the option. Like actual physical and emotional discomfort.
• Wearing a hoodie every day all day during middle school and high school even in the California summers.
• An inability to refer to myself as a man, and being uncomfortable having to refer to myself as a boy. I would almost always just say guy because it felt less loaded. Even typing this out gave me pause.
• Depression beard
• That time a friend called me our mutal friend's waifu and our mutual friend played along which gave me (unbeknownst to me at the time) gender euphoria
• In the same vein, after I married a good friend in final fantasy xiv, he (jokingly? idk it was a little sus) asked me to call him darling and I leaned into it HARD. I thought this was my bisexual awakening but thinking about it now, knowing I'm trans, I think I just wanted to be seen as a woman in the context of a relationship. (and in general as well obviously) This gives me a lot to think about. Thanks OP.

Probably more I can't think of at the moment.

All of this and I still have doubts and imposter syndrome. Sometimes I want to grab myself by the shoulders and scream.