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If you can't explain why the rule matters, then I won't follow it.
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
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this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2026
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/c/autism is leaking.
This is me to my core. (I mean, just check the username.) The easiest way to lose my trust is to say the reason is "because I said so." Okay, but why do you say so? Is there a real reason, or are you being a buzz-kill? Because plenty of people have arbitrary reasons for things and sometimes that's what it comes down to.
I can recall specific instances where I was given a reason and it made all the difference. Like a lot of little kids, I used to scream when having fun. Just saying, "Don't do that" didn't make an impact. But when my mom explained that when she hears me scream, she thinks I'm in trouble, and if I scream for no reason it'd make it harder for her to respond if I were actually in trouble, that's the day I stopped.
A little bit of explanation can go a long way. Sometimes people treat kids like they can't understand deeper reasoning, but that's not true for everyone.
I pay it forward now. A kid I worked with preferred to point at things using his middle finger instead of his pointer finger, even when the thing he was pointing at was on the ceiling. When I told him to use his pointer instead and he asked why, I told him, "Some people think that means something very mean. I don't want people to think you're trying to be mean." That's all it took for him to start using his index finger instead.
Point is, when people explain why something is done a certain way, they can be far more likely to respect their rule. I get that there are times when quick obedience is required, like when there's imminent danger. However, explaining more trivial situations builds the trust necessary to navigate those moments better. If someone's always pushing for authority over arbitrary things, they shouldn't be surprised when people (especially kids) don't listen to them when the matter is serious. Which is why I take the time to explain things with the kids I work with - sometimes we really do need to move quickly, particularly when another kid is acting out aggressively and we need to leave the room. They know I'll give reasons when there is time, so when I tell them to do something with urgency, they know things are getting real and it's time to move.
it's frankly baffling to me that people don't just throw in a one-sentence explanation of why kids should do things, how tf are they supposed to learn?
Something i've come to realize is that an absolutely horrifying amount of my """autistic""" traits were just from not having had the opportunity to learn things, like when i was a kid i literally didn't understand that i was supposed to speak up if i'm in pain, i just sort of assumed that adults knew and didn't care.
Just in the past 5-10 years my life has been hugely improved by seeking out knowledge on my own, to the point that i now find informal social stuff so easy that other people are impressed.
It's why i'm an ardent supporter of the idea that most (or at least many) disabilities are almost entirely a problem with society, not the individual. And the depressing thing is that a lot of the adjustments to be made are really not that significant at all.
I think one of the reasons some of the little kids in my life like me is I try to give them honest explanations. They don't always fully understand, but I think they appreciate getting answers. And probably appreciate the occasional "I don't know, actually. Let's look it up"
My parents did this as well, and I have massive respect for them because of it. Similarly, the only time my dad would yell at me was when something was urgent and dangerous and he needed me to do the thing right then and there's no time to explain. I knew I could always ask for an explanation after the fact.