So, I started estradiol enanthate about a week ago and while I realise I still have a tonne of testosterone in my body, the estrogen should be at a therapeutic level by now. I'm calm and haven't been angry for days. I've started being productive (well more productive at least). So from the very earliest indicators, it seems to be going well (obviously I'll know more in a few weeks). This, however raises a number of challenges.
Firstly how am I going to tackle the family stuff? I know my kids would be supportive (and my partner as much as she's able), but my parents are pretty transphobic. There's also my children's classmates and their families. About half the kids in her class throw around racist slurs like it's no big deal, so I'm certain they'd give her a hard time if I visibly transition. I don't mind lumberjackmoding for a while, but I'm eventually going to look like a woman with a beard.
Secondly, what to do about documentation. I know I can't change my gender on my passport (terf island), but as a foreigner I need to have it.
Third, there's the actual nuts and bolts of transition such as voice training. I get frequent throat infections that leave me unable to say anything for months at a time. Not to mention my family is used to my voice and seems to like it. But again if I'm going to hot-mom-mode in the future, I'm going to need a feminine voice.
Fourth, what about my name? I haven't put nearly as much thought into it as I perhaps should have. K know im not going to change it officially until my parents expire (they are not good people but they are old enough that starting conflict with them won't help), but at some point I'm probably going to want to. So how do I pick? It seems weird to choose my own name. It's not like I picked my 'on life support name'.
Also what to actually do with the facial hair? It's going to be largely necessary for groundskeeper-Willy-moding but I can't shave because my hair is too curly and it causes horrific razor burn. So it'll need to be IPL/ Lasered off but that would need to be sooner rather than later because I'm at that age where it's going to go grey and at that point light based removal won't work.
Suggestions?
First point- are you doing monotherapy or are you also on an anti-angrogen? Taking something like spiro will help suppress testosterone which will help your body with its feminization. Does your provider require blood work to test your levels? I have to get blood work done ever 6 months to make sure I'm in the right place (actually had to up my initial dose as my estrogen levels suddenly crashed a year in)
The family dynamic will very much depend on overall safety. I'm not a parent and not interested in being one, so my opinion is coming from a different place. You are your own person, and I'd honestly put distance between my mom and I if she was unsupportive. I wouldn't allow her to be in my life and risk my children being exposed to her views. As for other children... you can't control them, but you can be a guide to your children on how to handle disgusting behavior and language. I think that's part of being a parent. I think it's important for your children to see it's okay to be the person they want to be. Constantly swapping on them might create a feeling that they need to constantly mask to fit in.
Documentation will depend on your location. I would suggest seeing if there's local lgbtq resource or support centers that may information for your particular country/area. There will have been others who have transitioned and been through the process.
Voice training takes time🩷 I realized early on that listening to women in the real world (not online or content) allowed me to be more comfortable with my voice. I would focus more on inflection, intonation, and tilt. Here's a guide that helped me understand what makes up a voice and what I could work on that wasn't just focusing on pitch. https://www.undeadvoice.com/guide. They also have a free class which is a great place to start!
Name- it was suggested in another thread to not be shy about trying out different ones! You don't need to settle on one immediately. You can be honest that you're seeing what feels right. See how you feel introducing and being addressed with different names. I'm sure you'll find one that feels like you 🩷
Facial hair- laser or electrolysis. IPL is not going to be effective, will take forever to work (if it does), and carries certain risks when being used on faces like ours. I went the laser route and am happy with my results. I have and grays on my chin that I might eventually get removed through electrolysis. Trimming/shaving grays doesn't lead to shadow for me, so I'm not too bothered by them. I might also get any stray hairs that eventually start growing in handled with electrolysis.
As far as razer burn - how's your skincare routine? Shaving routine? Do you have an exfoliant (not a physical one -a serum or toner)? As your skin and hair softens this should also help. I use a Philips Norelco OneBlade for any upkeep - cuts super close and doesn't irritate my skin like a razor.
As far as my healthcare provider, you're talking to her. I'm keeping everything off the books because while my government is still somewhat stable, I don't necessarily want to be listed as transgender officially. But, I'm definitely taking enough. I elected to do monotherapy because I don't necessarily want a lot of the effects of blockers. I'm aiming for normal female testosterone levels not 0.
As far as my parents go they are both in their 70s and in not optimal health so I'm pretty sure they won't be an issue much longer. I'm not worried about my kid getting picked on as much as I am worried about her getting in trouble for defending my honour with her fists.
Thanks for the voice feminisation link. I can actually do a convincing feminine acent, but I need to be a character when I do it. I'm not from Essex or Northern Ireland, or Glasgow so the character voices don't seem like a realistic choice.
As far as shaving goes, I get the same problems as black folk because of my hair type. Its 3b and coarse as insect hair. Exfoliation and skincare will only do so much.
Basically the whole reason I'm taking estrogen is biochemical dysphoria, so while I'm ok with the physical changes and Indeed welcome a lot of them, I'm not blind to the difficulty they could pose to day to day life. it's a lot to think about.
blockers dont drop your levels to 0 if you dose them correctly, I hover at around 17ngdl with cis female levels ranging from ~15-90ngdl. If your levels are really high you probably should consider blockers IMO, not a doctor tho :)
Yeah but low testosterone with blocked receptors will make things like ed and decreased libido more likely. While I understand that a lot of girls want those things, i don't. I'm hypersexual and actually like it. As does my fiancé.
yes not drop, but block androgen receptors, eg cyproterone also have antagonist effect on them, and drop T naturally by working like progestin in HPG axis by suppessing LH and FSH and it never be zero because lh is testicle stimulant but we have also adrenal testosterone
but cypro may have stronger effects by blocking AR, when i used it its works instantly on AR and i feel better much and i didnt have that fast antipsychotic effect even on antipsychotics like painkiller
bicalutamide block only receptors it also okay, if bica taken mono it will boost LH levels because antagonist of AR in brain, more LH = more T but will have AA effect because AR is strongly blocked and some unused T will be aromotize into estrogen that cause feminization side effect in cis men threating androgen positive cancers, also not recommended to use as puberty blocker it will feminize not much but yes (for me is cool feature)
idk about spiro much but as im understand its working as pretty weak AA as side effect by antagonist to AR receptor
mono really doesnt need AA, because if estrogen is enough much and stable then HPG is suppressed so zero LH and T only adrenal like in cis women plus estradiol increases SHBG synthesis and free T is much more less than total, its works similar like GnRH agonists does by suppressing LH/FSH, so AAs on mono is pretty overkill and side effects
i recommend waiting when T stunt completly and body adopt to estrogen, for me it was not instantly
STRONGLY recomment doing blood work especially on high doses, because body can metabolize tooo much E and will cause pregnant like levels, more risk thrombosis(blah blah i dont trust this info because we use same E like in body) but 100℅ mood swings
increases risk of thrombosis by bioidentalticals have only oral estradiol because it have first pass and liver and it have metabolites that increases risk, and half of E is destroyed in liver, half is more than normal metabolized into weak Estrone
idk wrote as much as i can, i know too much information for a 16yo im really did huge research last years not only on hrt but also psychomeds, but only hrt made me pharmacist i definitly work as endo but getting diploma in russia in this sphere is pretty hard and im silly for typical educational system, but i can work in pharmacy getting college degree is not hard
should i work in pharmacy? i think there never be hard to find work i have ~10 pharmacies on ONE area in my city, eg two same zdravcity and also "april" ones pharmacies in ~100 meters each other three in one house, two in one house HOLY SHIT WHY THEY SO MANY IN ONE SPOT but also MANYYYY in other areas of city but one is sooo concentrated, funny that in all them i can buy w/o prescription estrogen pills/gels(also we recently got russian version of sanctioned divigel, plus recently we get lenzetto in russia) and bicalutamide(many russian generics as well) or spiro, if pharmacist have a bad day in one pharmacy i can go to next pharmacy in same building
If I were to start university again, knowing what I know now I would 100% have studied to be a pharmacist or bioengineer. Hard work but you're rewarded with guaranteed work at a decent wage.