what stopping me - idk only p a r e n t s

im tired of boymoding

school - next year i will go to home education so no problem

society - idk im seems pass now especially with long hair and baaaaaangs

i remember prev year i switched to another class to end 9 classes of school because of bullying, new classmates was cute pretty femme(even boys) weird and im come out to some of them AND THEY ACCEPTED me, this was so comfy to go school but mom was against to going school because of that SUPPORTIVE classmates...... but now in mine class are fucking terrible now and im not going to school THEY ARE toxic im not even come out but they calling me "опущенный" (prison slang for gay bottom men), "оно"(some like "they" in english but not multiple "oни"), and strictly use insult variations of dead name eg deadnamesik, usually they thread me like 3rd sort but opposite with ugly toxic masculine boy classmates, some try to press sensitive information from me

what my goal - just expression, wear that i want, look that i want, name change(but cant change gender marker)

it will be easy - i have no friends etc, most ppl dont know me, the shit from school definitly go away from this city because it small(140k population) and there no education options

i even can change name right now but im minor and need parent approval of BOTH parents (i didnt live with dad and he doesnt know anything) so problematic and plus school will see change

my parents accept transition & name change after 18 BUT NOT NOW, and even sometimes i wear neutral clothes from women section and THEY SO MUCH BETTER and clotches from men section I CANT WEAR THEM my hips are too big, i tried jacket from men section oh fuck it so tight in hip bone BONEEEE and too loose in shoulders IM SUCCESSFULLY MALEFAILING

so i think i should slowly transitioning

i love it so much, i live in russia and half of blocked resources working with no speed loss and vpn,
i set it once on my openwrt and rarely touch config,
if something doesnt work - set resource ip in config and works,

this works by modifying packages and DPI think its sonething different

my mom have very smol breast, dad sister also same even after lactation soooo im have same? definitly i have same and im ok with it

roungly one year diffrence here 31.03.25 and 31.03.26
finally comfortable in my body

apowowwlwoowk im tired but it better than paying for shitty low quality new furtinure for 300k rub, materials is 4000rub and work is FREE (aaaaaawaaaaaaaa help)

finally loving myself again
dysphoria goes away

prev post
a little worried that T go up or convert to DHT because of LH 2 mMe
maybe 3/4 of pump twice or just 1/2
0.75 mg twice give me too much 467 pg estradiol but LH 0
also i shouldnt take blood from hand what i use to apply oestrogel
but i should take bloodtest again after some time because it can be just flustration and there only month when i lowered the dose

in september 120 pg on 0.75 mg once fully suppressed HPG axis LH 0

overall i feel very good so is main marker that is just flustration and if is only elevated a little bit pre application isnt that bad because SHBG suppress free T and i should apply new dose roungly after 24 hours

my skin little bit more worse lately but i think because my skin is sensitive to skincare on estro

i mostly use only water to clean my face and woa skin soft and pretty (estrogen is magic) but if i use something my skin get worse
eg cleaning soap for face two diffrent and my pores isnt that clean
also used some GOOD cream and no is much worse feeling like my skin is oily, tonic are also useless

one year of normal mental health, no worrying aabout masculinization

hope second year will be even better

i looked a photos prehrt before HOLY SHIT hair structure changed and hair looks much more better now

also i have now much more healtly weight and no anorexia
my appetite is normal

i was 50kg, now im 66kg and it looks, ok all fat mostly go to hips and face is skinnier than 50kg on te$t..ne (im ~162 cm) also psych pills gained appetite a little bit but now i fixed that

everything is better, face much more girly and cute

im interesting in additionally suppressing HPG axis without super high E(can cause mood swings)

what other benefits of prog?

im worried about converting into DHT in liver via oral route(i dont like rectal method.....)

left is 7mo girl Mary, right is 8yo boy Tishka

i live in russia now

honestly i hate all govrenments, idea of bordering humans etc
nowhere i will be good all life, nowhere is good
everywhere fucking capitalists and shitty politics

and what if i move spending 5464653364 euros to good country and i dont will even have right for vote and right wing idiots win by shitty losungs in 15s videos from tiktok etc etc
the example is US

i dont care in which fucking country i live everywhere is bad ppl and good ppl and there no wrong nations