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Grindrule
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
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this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2025
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I think if you're not sexually or emotionally attracted to guys all you're going to end up doing is hurting someone else. Like how a gay guy who isn't attracted to women, has a relationship with a woman because he "should" and only ends up depressed themself and worse for their partner.
Well, I don't have much choice. It's either this or be lonely my whole life. Also my best friend is hitting on me hardcore, I might just learn how to love him back. But thanks for your input, it is also appreciated
What makes you say this friend?
Most women reject me due to the way I look. Single one that didn't reject me was horrible to me and wanted me to off someone for her. I was trying to find a girlfriend 17 through 24 years, and only one who genuinely thinks that I'm wonderful is my best friend, who is a guy. Despite what other people say, I'm pretty good at brainwashing myself so I'm positive that I can make myself actually love him.
Look, I don't know your personal circumstances, but I personally think that the person you are, rather than how you look, is more important to every one else who isn't vapid and vain. If you seek out different groups, pursue hobbies and try to meet people that way, you'd pawbably have a better chance than seeking out a relationship. No promises though, I think younger people are just kind of over dating.
As for your friend. Well, maybe it works well for a while, maybe you convince yourself you're happy. But sexuality isn't a choice, and the chance it ends up in heatbreak is likely greater than not. That said, the fact you're even considering it could be a sign that you do actually have some homosexual tendencies, that you might be suppressing due to internalised homophobia.
Maybe I am suppressing it, who knows. I'll talk to him about it first. Would be good to know what "seeking out groups" means, a lot of people tell me that but I literally don't understand, I'm a bit slow with abstract language. With all the hobbies I have, one could think I'd already be in one by the time I finished college, but alas
Like, a group that meets up regularly either for social purposes or related to a hobby. You can find out about them from your local library or council, community centres, online spaces related to your location, etc.
Thanks, I'll try looking for something like that
I didn't find proper social groups for me until I was like 30. It's very difficult for me to socialize and it's something I've had to put a lot of active work into. Not everyone finds what they're looking for out of college, a lot of people don't know what they're even looking for until later. It can be lonely sometimes but like most things it is a skill you can improve on.
Until recently I was living in a city so depending where you live ymmv on this advice: For me I found my groups by going to lots of events. Even if I didn't think I would like them. Regularly checking for cheap local concerts, meetups I'd hear about, if I saw any posters I'd take a picture and put it in my calendar. I'd say 80% of the time I learned I didn't actually like the thing but it would get me talking to people. From there I could ask about similar events and if one of them sounded closer to what I wanted I'd go to that.
You really have to put yourself out there and be ready to walk up to people and just start talking (but also be ready to exit the conversation if it isn't going well). It's awkward and nerve wracking but you'll slowly either get better or find those rare gems that love it when some rando shows up and can't stop sweating while talking about Morrowind or whatever. If you're like me it can help to bring a prop sometimes. I solve Rubik's cubes. So if I'm not feeling like I can approach anyone I can sit near people and just solve that for a while and someone will get curious sooner or later and ask me about it which opens a conversation.
Thanks for this advice, it made it easier to understand what I can do ❤️🌹