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no smoking rule
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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Cigarettes are about as addictive as Heroin, so it's not just a matter of "doesn't want to quit", which makes you an asshole if you only apply pressure and don't try to help instead, but i don't know what you've tried.
My personal advice would be to try to get her to start vaping instead, at least as an intermediate step. It's far less unhealthy, doesn't smell awful, and you can taper off the nicotine over time, reducing the addictiveness.
Don't go for disposables, get her a nice mod kit with at least 10 replacement coils (a newbie tends to kill them fast!) and 2-3 sets of batteries (and a charger for them), and go flavour shopping with her. Depending on the smoking habit either go for nic salts when you need a high nic strength (for heavy smokers/chain smokers) or go for freebase nicotine - difference is how much you feel in the throat, nic salts are a lot easier on the throat than freebase, so freebase is when you don't need much nicotine but the throat hit is important. I would say initial costs of about 200 bucks sound about right.
It's the only thing that got me off a 2 decade habit of a pack a day, and i tried a lot. If you have any questions, pm me!
e: an example for a pretty good and cheap beginner mod: https://shop.voopoo.com/products/drag-m100s
Yeah I'm not doing any of that. I stopped smoking 18 years ago the day I said I don't want to do it anymore. She stopped smoking 12 years ago by just not doing it any more. Quitting is a choice to feel like shit for a reason. You choose to feel like shit every day with the hope that one day you'll feel slightly less like shit. You either do something or you don't do something. There is no such thing as "weaning" off.
Now you went full Asshole. You don't want to help your wife of nearly 10 years to get off a highly addictive drug? How many heroin addicts are able to kick the habit without assistance/rehab? Like i said, the addictiveness is about the same, and making one large step is a lot harder to do than many smaller ones.
Smoking is often used as Self-medication btw. You mentioned the death of her father as the event that caused her relapse. Has she processed that fully yet?
Either you have already checked out completely of your marriage or you are telling tall tales. Help your wife and get bent with your black and white fantasy regarding addiction, it doesn't work that way. Harm reduction should be the first step taken, and i showed you how thats possible.
Edit: if it's about the cost - vaping is cheaper than smoking,where i live the difference would allow to recuperate the initial cost after about 4-6 months, depending on how many cigarettes per day were smoked before.
Fair point. Like I said I know I'm not perfect. Believe me I understand addiction. That said, there must come a day when you decide you are no longer going to do a thing. You can wean all you want, but one day you are a smoker and one day you are not. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that. Yes it will suck, but your addiction has put your comfort on a credit card. That bill needs to be paid. You will be uncomfortable but that's the price.
You don't want to help your wife to make it easier. Instead, you apply more pressure, which makes it even harder to stop. That shows that you have an understanding of addiction that reflects the shit from TV series in the 80s and 90s.
This is not the support i would expect from a spouse or a friend, she might be better off without you if this reflects your everyday behavior towards her. There is nothing more to say.
You know, I never considered it before but you really have opened my eyes. My marriage is a sham. I'm going to talk to her tonight about dissolving the relationship. I can't believe I've been so blind. Thank you for being the light in the darkness. Maybe now we can both begin to heal.