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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/tenforward@lemmy.world

Don't worry, this is the last one I'm doing for a fuckin while and this one was done by request. Wanted to redo the old moopsy ad I had anyway so two birds. Ad Read here!


Attention, all Lower Deckers and space enthusiasts! Tired of your morning cereal being as bland as a Vulcan's poker face? Introducing Moops! All Terrors, the cereal that's as mischievous as a pack of Moopsy and as bone-crunchingly good as a classic Star Trek adventure! Forget those boring Starfleet-approved breakfasts. Moops! All Terrors is brought to you by independent entrepreneurs who believe your mornings should be filled with fun, flavor, and just a hint of interstellar chaos. Each spoonful is packed with crispy flakes shaped like little Moopsies, those adorable yet deceptively dangerous furballs that keep our lower decks crew on their toes!

And for those who love a little shape-shifting fun in their breakfast, Moops! All Terrors includes special Odo-shaped marshmallows. Just like the shape-shifter himself, these marshmallows can transform your cereal experience from ordinary to extraordinary. Mix them in, and watch your bowl come to life with gooey goodness that’s out of this world!

But remember, Moops! All Terrors is not made by Starfleet, nor is it endorsed by any Federation authorities. It’s the perfect rebellious choice for those who march to the beat of their own phaser. So, whether you’re a deckhand dreaming of adventure or a cadet aiming to climb the ranks, Moops! All Terrors is here to fuel your journey with a little bit of mayhem and a whole lot of flavor.

And for those who think Moops! All Terrors is just another gimmick, think again! This cereal packs the punch of a Tribble invasion and the charm of a Q-who encounter. It’s the perfect way to start your day with a smile, a crunch, and maybe even a few laughs at the expense of your favorite officious officers.

But wait, there’s more! Order now, and you’ll receive a special anniversary edition Moopsy-shaped spoon, perfect for scooping up every last morsel of Moops! All Terrors. Just don’t let Odo see it, or you might end up with a shape-shifted surprise!

So why settle for a mundane morning when you can embrace the terrorously tasty chaos of Moops! All Terrors? Available now at your favorite independent replicators and specialty stores across the galaxy. Grab a box today and let your breakfast adventures begin!

Warning: Moops! All Terrors may cause unexpected and potentially horrifying side effects. Consumers have reported instances of sudden, uncontrollable bone growth, including, but not limited to, extra ribs, additional femurs, and, in rare cases, fully formed secondary skeletons. If you experience spontaneous skeletal duplication, please contact your local ship’s medical officer immediately. Failure to do so could result in becoming your own twin.

Be advised: prolonged consumption may trigger an overwhelming urge to embrace the dark side of your personality, resulting in the potential to become an evil mirror-universe version of yourself. Side effects include growing a goatee, dramatic monologuing, and plotting the downfall of your superior officers. If you find yourself conspiring to take over the ship, station, or planet, stop eating Moops! All Terrors immediately. Additionally, somr have reported strange encounters with sentient cereal flakes. Once consumed, these flakes may develop consciousness and attempt to communicate via your digestive system, usually by forming unsettling messages in your stomach lining. Some unlucky individuals have even had Moopsy-flake dreams, wherein the cereal demands tribute in the form of your personal replicator rations.

In extreme cases, Moops! All Terrors has been known to cause complete skeletal liquefaction, leaving consumers as puddles of sentient goo, much like our favorite Changeling, Odo. This effect is irreversible, and you may find yourself destined to slosh through the corridors of your ship in an unrecognizable gelatinous form for the rest of your days. Though mobility as a puddle is efficient, it’s generally frowned upon during staff meetings. As a puddle, you'll have to adapt to a life of unconventional communication methods, forming simple shapes to convey basic emotions or flowing into the nearest replicator to order meals you no longer have the anatomy to enjoy. You may find that most chairs no longer accommodate your... unique form, so prepare for a life spent leaking across the deck, subtly pooling around the ankles of your crewmates in a desperate attempt to be included in conversations.

In the event that you remain a sentient puddle for an extended period, crew members will likely assign you a new designation, probably something along the lines of 'The Ooze', and you'll be given a small containment field in lieu of quarters. Expect to spend most of your time navigating through drains, ventilation systems, or even being mistaken for the ship's waste runoff. Attending holodeck programs will require specially designed environments to accommodate your liquid state, which may be limited to tropical lagoons, swamps, and occasionally a vast puddle simulation called 'The Floor.' However, rest assured, you will maintain all your original memories and personality, just... a lot squishier.

Moops! All Terrors, because your mornings deserve a little bit of Lower Decks-level fun and a whole lot of bone-crunching flavor!

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/tenforward@lemmy.world

I have too much fucking time on my hands. Read here.


Starfleet mornings are tough, but they don’t have to be. Whether you’re perfecting your trombone solo, leading an away mission, or just wrestling with how to get Deanna Troi’s attention without crashing the ship, you need something that gives you the confidence to tackle it all. Enter: Frosted Frakes! The official breakfast of Commander William T. Riker! The man, the legend, and yes, the beard.

These flakes aren’t just frosted, they’re Frakes’d! Packed with enough flavor to take on the toughest Borg and the crunch that’ll keep you going through a 12-hour debrief with Admiral Nechayev. One bite and you’ll be ready to make First Contact, take a shuttlecraft joyride, or smooth-talk your way out of a run-in with the Ferengi. Each box gives you the strength of an epic trombone solo, the stamina for a full round of poker on the holodeck, and the silky suaveness of a man who can make standing with one leg on a chair look like a power pose.

Picard: "Will Riker starts his day with a bold move... and a bold bowl of Frosted Frakes! Because in space, as in breakfast, you have to take command."

And don’t worry, there’s no transporter duplication here! Each box of Frosted Frakes contains only the finest frakes, guaranteed to leave you feeling like the one and only Riker. Sorry, Thomas. Frosted Frakes gives you the same energy Riker had when he smirked his way through interspecies diplomacy and still made time to save the day. Whether you’re solving a galactic mystery, negotiating with Klingons, or just getting through another awkward encounter with Lwaxana Troi, Frosted Frakes has got your back.

Warning: Consuming Frosted Frakes may cause an overabundance of swagger, sudden bursts of charisma, an immediate urge to lead away teams and the uncontrollable desire to seduce anything within a 10-foot radius, including but not limited to holograms, ambassadors, and members of the crew. If you find yourself performing the ‘Riker Maneuver’, where you step over the back of a chair without realizing it, please consult Dr. Pulaski. Other side effects may include spontaneous jazz solos, an irresistible urge to challenge Klingons to arm-wrestling, and an inability to say the phrase "It never was, it was his assistant". Beard growth in under three hours has been reported. For optimal results, consume while smirking.

So if you’re ready to start your day like Starfleet’s most charming first officer, grab a bowl of Frosted Frakes! They’re frosted, they’re Frakes, and they’re, let’s be honest, always number one!

Picard: “Will Riker doesn’t half-ass anything, and neither should your breakfast. Make it Frosted Frakes, the only cereal guaranteed to put you in command of the situation. Beard optional, although not recommended.”

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/tenforward@lemmy.world

Ad Read here! I got really bored after work. Figured I'd make something like the Oops All Moopsy's and the Tribbles n Bits commercials I made a while back.

Space. The final frontier. But let’s face it – it’s also the final debate chamber. From the Council chambers of the Federation to the back rooms of Romulus, if you thought your adventures in the stars were all about discovering strange new worlds, think again. They’ve always been about one thing…

[Dramatic pause]

Politics!

That’s right, introducing Oops! All Politics! – the breakfast cereal that finally tells it like it is. You weren’t just boldly going where no one’s gone before – you were negotiating trade agreements, dealing with interstellar immigration, and managing ethical dilemmas every step of the way. And now, that same tangled mess of diplomacy is available in a balanced, part-of-a-nutritious-breakfast form.

Take a bite and dive into the age-old complexities of Romulan refugee crises – remember that whole thing with the Romulan supernova? Now you can chew through it, one bite at a time! Or maybe you'd prefer a spoonful of Federation-Klingon relations – because what’s breakfast without a side of ritualistic combat followed by tense ceasefire talks?

But we don’t stop there – Oops! All Politics! is packed with real, Starfleet-endorsed moral quandaries! Will you side with the Maquis or the Federation? Can the Prime Directive really handle this kind of breakfast? It’s all in there. And every crunch is a new ethical conundrum. Each bite is one step closer to solving the galaxy’s biggest questions – or just rehashing them endlessly like your favorite season arc. Need something with even more bite? How about the Borg reparations clause? Or the thorny, ever-present struggle of AI rights? If it’s divisive, controversial, and guaranteed to spark a heated debate at your breakfast table, we’ve crammed it into this cereal box!

Now, we know what you’re thinking: 'But Starfleet was about exploration! Discovery! Pushing the boundaries of space, not politics!' Well, let’s not kid ourselves – every decision to chart a new course came with a debate in the ready room. Every first contact was followed by a long, politically charged discussion with a council, a tribunal, or at least a conference call back to Earth. You might’ve been watching for the phasers, but Captain Picard? He’s always been about the hard choices – in and out of the captain’s chair.

Picard: "Starfleet was never about avoiding tough choices. It's always been about facing them. With a spoon!"

And if that doesn't sum up the nature of exploration, here's a final thought from Captain Picard to carry you through your morning routine:

Picard: "The pursuit of knowledge, justice, and equality has never been simple, but neither has breakfast!"

You heard the man! Oops! All Politics! – the only cereal that doesn’t just fuel your body, it gets your brain racing with endless possibilities of galactic governance! And for those who need their mornings with a bit more time-travel-induced headache, we’ve sprinkled in just a dash of temporal prime directive violations. Perfect for those mornings when you just need to re-evaluate causality over your tea, or more likely, coffee.

And let’s be honest – it’s not just about what’s in your bowl. It’s about the bigger picture. Why isn’t that replicator unionized? Are the Ferengi getting fair trade deals on cereal exports? Who’s setting the price on Mini Moopsie Bites or these dilithium-flavored marshmallows, and is it even ethical?! So, if you’re ready to start your day with the kind of discussions that used to be reserved for stuffy admirals and rogue captains, pour yourself a big ol' bowl of Oops! All Politics! – because, deep down, you’ve always known… it’s never been just about the exploration. It’s always been about the politics. And now, it’s breakfast too.

Warning: Oops! All Politics! may cause extreme discomfort for anyone who thinks that Star Trek was just about lasers and space ships. Side effects include critical thinking, sudden realizations about systemic issues, and the uncomfortable awareness that your favorite episodes always had something to say. If you suffer from the belief that the Federation wasn't always striving for a better, more just galaxy, consult a new viewing of Deep Space Nine immediately. Results may vary based on personal capacity for empathy and logic. Ask yourself: 'Was Starfleet ever not woke?' If the answer is no, congratulations – you’re ready for the truth.

Oops! All Politics! – available wherever your replicator will acknowledge its duty to your morning routine. And don’t forget, that’s a replicator with full labor rights, naturally.

Picard: "In the end, it’s not just politics... it’s a balanced part of your day. And trust me, nothing pairs better with a hot earl gray than a good ethical debate."

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Car Talk with Martok. All new episodes every... whenever

Season 4 Episode 8

Looking for a list of other episodes? Check out this megathread!

Original Source: DominionMediaTV

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 126 points 7 months ago

I will never understand how EA went from the game company everyone knew and quoted with that "Its in the game!" slogan to a laughing stock and poster child of shitty studios.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 196 points 7 months ago

Bro if that shit failed to perform then it's on them for failing to manufacture enough. The demand was there. And it out performed the Xbox whateverthefucknow.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 134 points 8 months ago

Well, yeah. You'd have to be an absolute fucking idiot to say otherwise. The dude tried an insurrection. He routinely violated American democracy. It's almost like if you elect a wanna be dictator he's gonna, you know, become a dictator

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 195 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

There is no fine on earth that could be levied that would discourage others from doing this. If they have profits higher then who cares.

I'm in favor of forceful dissolution.

If you prove you cannot run a company safely, repeatedly violate safety violations and continue to do so for DECADES then you shouldn't be allowed to sell any product, ever again, to the public. The company should be scrapped and all assets sold off or let the government take it and start making cars but drop the cost massively and only sell to its citizens ala pharmaceuticals.

People get their drivers license taken away for far less than this. For pretty small things overall. Toyota laughed at customer safety for 30 years and has only admitted it when caught. Why the fuck is this company allowed to continue existing?

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 281 points 9 months ago

Good. Suffer, you utter shitgibbon. I want you to be as terrified as everyone else who you had to 'involve' yourself with was.

Bet you're sweating now, fuck face.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 121 points 9 months ago

Reminder that its limited to this version of Mickey. The Mickey we all know is still under copyright because Disney is evil.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 149 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Bad dragon sells adult sex toys of a wide variety, most common being dildos. Dildos that are modeled off of dragons or other fantasy-esque creatures.

I kinda want one.

Who am I kidding. Not even kinda. I absolutely want one. A specific model and everything. I just cannot remotely afford it and likely never will...

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 229 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

He was part of a team that created devices allowing people to play what they wanted on switch, 3DS and some other consoles. He was convicted of fraud and imprisoned for two years before being released. He still has to pay off a fine of 10 million dollars so Nintendo is garnishing his wages for the rest of his life. ~~Which pisses me off because he's on Disability in Canada which is barely enough to live on (trust me...) and also taxpayer funds.~~ Not to mention that there is no way in fucking hell that his part in all of this adds up to $10 million dollars in lost revenue for Nintendo which is exactly why that fine was applied.

Edit: Apparently disability can't be garnished. Was a slight fuck up on my end. I had misremembered something and misread something which led to that. Nonetheless, situation still massively fucked for applying a $10 million (well, 14.5 million but 10 million of that is for Nintendo) fine for a dude who made $320,000 off of the hacks. However if he did make any money outside of Disability, they would immediately be entitled to 30% of it. Fucking insane.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 158 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Well, for those curious this is from Jim Carrey's wikipedia but it's also not nearly as bad as it looks. Only one of those things a real problem.

Wrongful death lawsuits

Two lawsuits but over the same death that had zero proof that Carrey was in anyway involved. He started dating a woman named Cathriona White in 2012. She got married in 2013 but they continued their relationship in an on-again-off-again style until her suicide in 2015. The first suit claimed that Carreys wealth and personal influence to get the medication that she killed herself with. There was no evidence that this had happened in any way whatsoever. There was evidence that she had issues with prescription medication before she met Carrey though. The second wrongful death lawsuit was over the same death but this time from the mother of the deceased and for something completely different. This time it was claims that Carrey was riddled with STDs and had lied about it and hid the results from White. Both lawsuits were completely dismissed with no legal proceedings ever going further than those suits. No settlements were made. Carrey was a pallbearer at Whites funeral.

Vaccine skepticism

This is the one as bad as it looks. He wrote an article in 2009 that were doubting Vaccines and in 2015 he said the California governor was a "corporate fascist" who was "poisoning" children by enacting the vaccination requirements. He didn't say anything about the COVID vaccines that I can find elsewhere. Dude was an idiot but it's been 10 years and with him not talking too much about it I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. In 2009 he was dating Jenna McCarthy, a known anti-vax lunatic. Brainwashing doesn't take forever to get rid of. If he's still anti-vax then yeah, fuck him, but after 10 years without a peep during the biggest vaccine blitz known to man? I'm willing to hesitantly give him the benefit of the doubt. Am surprised no one pressed him on it though.

Political and Spiritual views

He believes in that 'The Secret' type nonsense "The Law of Attraction". Said he visualized having a $10 million cheque and putting it in his pocket and then 7 years later he got a $10 million cheque for Dumb and Dumber. Not really problematic so much as bizarre/unrealistic. He's also an outspoken socialist. The big part of that section is him talking about sparking an "international incident" because he was making political cartoons of Orange Hitler and then Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. He made some cartoon that criticized fascism by depicting Mussolinis death. This pissed off Mussolinis granddaughter on twitter and she threw a hissyfit.

Artwork and NFTs

He's a painter and has been for a while. The section mostly focuses on that. There is a single line about NFTs, it being: "In April 2022, Carrey announced that he had minted his first art NFT via the NFT platform SuperRare. The NFT is based on a painting entitled Sunshower, and is accompanied by original voiceover." Apparently he also released a couple NFTs under a different name before releasing that public one. That is the entirety of his involvement within the NFT community. Also something stupid he did but given it isn't an ongoing thing he didn't push relentlessly it doesn't seem like that big a deal either.

HOWEVER

The title is totally fucking true. Live your life like a good person, don't be a fuckwit, listen to experts, and don't jump on trends immediately without doing research. Might be a tiny problem or a big problem but you will have problems if you go down an alternate path. Problems you will then have openly deserved.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 180 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Forget the fact they were hostages. They had already openly surrendered and were waving a white flag. They were non-combatants in every sense of the word. They murdered them.

Israel claims that 61% of deaths are civilian which is already beyond fucking abhorrent but with this news, is that number remotely reliable?

Israel has been dying to take every square inch of Palestine for decades. They took their opportunity and they are openly slaughtering the population. 61% by their own admission. Over half of all deaths have been civilian but still they keep pushing on. They kill their own people and still they push on.

I no longer see a difference between Israels government under Bibi/his party and the Nazis in WW2. Openly exterminating a group of people they do not like under the argument that they have some holy/divine/superior claim to land. That is literally the fucking Nazi playbook.

It is genuinely bonechilling and horrifying.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 213 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Edit: Can y'all please stop downvoting this person for being confused? Rule number one. Be kind. They're not being a dick here or being cruel or anything. Give them the benefit of the doubt please.


JK Rowling is the author of Harry Potter and was primarily known for this. Loved, even, for this. An enormous fanbase. Not to say that there weren't issues with her portrayal of POC characters or doses of antisemitic behavior (The Goblin Bank literally has a MASSIVE Star of David in the middle of their lobby) but people still loved her nonetheless.

Yet overtime she started adding random stupid things to canon. People asking about bathrooms and her randomly tweeting in response that wizards used to just shit themselves and then magic it all away. This happened more and more with all manner of subjects that started to really point out she was a piece of shit. When people started talking about her portrayal of various different characters, she sort of went off the deep end. She started getting really entrenched in her position and bitter towards everyone. One of these positions was that trans homies are not homies. The typical "mental illness/grooming/rapists" reasoning. Her position within the fandom fell into utter freefall and fractured an enormous amount of said fandom. This then bled into popular culture as a whole because she's such a popular and influential public figure. She just kept digging and digging and digging and now she's primarily known online as "That bigoted bitch who wrote the wizard books". The entire Harry Potter franchise has become slightly toxic to the touch. Hogwarts Legacy was released to immense backlash and almost none of it was the fact that the game was a raging, repetitive and extremely badly written pile of hot garbage that had no character development or story consequences. Even the actor who played Hermione (not sure about others) came out and said that they would have nothing to do with a Harry Potter continuation or reboot if JK Rowling was involved in any way whatsoever which is what led JK and WB to team up to remake the Harry Potter series. There has been a TV show that was announced with JK herself being heavily involved.

While still a massive franchise and a massive fandom, Harry Potter has aggressively slouched in those ratings and has been inextricably linked to the personal opinions of the author formerly known as JK Rowling. Honestly I just refer to her as "that transphobic bitch who wrote about the wizards" most of the time now.

Edit: Fix'd.

[-] Stamets@lemmy.world 149 points 11 months ago

Bro. You almost gave me a heart attack for a second there, making me think I somehow posted something VERY different.

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Stamets

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