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no smoking rule
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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Lol. Neither of them are assholes. He decided to stick around for 5 years. He wants her to quit, she probably wants him to be more accepting. He could have left 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 year ago given that he’s upset she’s not trying hard enough.
People smoke for all kinds of reasons. Her dad’s death could’ve triggered some intense mental health issues. You don’t know. Who’s to say she didn’t try a few times?
She's not an asshole lmao, she’s struggling with addiction and likely mental health issues. Neither is he for having these boundaries. It’s up to him to just leave.
She spent 5 years without attempting to make headway on something that is disgusting, makes the area smell disgusting, makes her smell disgusting, will stain skin and teeth, harms her and reduces her life span, harms her partner and reduces his lifepan when he DOESN'T CONSENT, and harms their relationship. She is UNQUESTIONABLY an asshole. You do not have a leg to stand on. Your arguments are just "Oh but she might need it to cope."
I don't care.
She is an addict and is refusing to budge. As someone who went from a pack every two days to nothing, and as someone who went from drinking half a pint of vodka everyday to nothing, I can categorically say she is an asshole. If she is outright refusing, as OP said, then she is in the wrong. She is choosing addiction over her relationship. She's not just an asshole. She's a horrible person and her love for OP is genuinely questionable.
You do not get a pass from being an asshole simply because you have an addiction. At first? Sure. But she has been doing it for 5 YEARS and after being talked to about it she's doing nothing. She no longer gets the umbrella of empathy for her addiction and she should be called out for it. She's being selfish and putting her own wants over the health of everyone involved.
Bro you’re the asshole. He consents by staying in the relationship. He’s an adult not a child with no ability to leave the situation. You hate smoking, good for you. But you need to chill the fuck out, holy shit this triggered the fuck out of you.
Good to know you have literally no real argument against it. You just had to resort to insulting me when I never did anything but challenge your argument.
He gave her an ultimatum on the renewal of marriage and was asking if she was an asshole due to that. No. He doesn't consent by staying in the relationship when he directly asked about it in the first place. You're just immediately defending her addiction and saying essentially it's her support blanket. It's a weak defense.
This entire encounter is pathetic. You responded to my comment challenging my point and then got uppity when I dared to slap your point down. Just go away.
Next you’ll be telling depressed people to just brighten up and anxious overeaters to just eat less. In your childish view of the world where either one person is an asshole or the other must be, with zero nuance, it wouldn’t surprise me.
She’s not an asshole. Maybe they’re not a good match. But just because he tells her she needs to quit something that’s notoriously difficult to quit and she doesn’t do it, it doesn’t mean she’s an asshole.
If you want me to go away try to not engaging in further discussion lmao.
Are you 12?
k
Some people cope by smoking, others are chronically online sad assholes. Choose your vice, I suppose.
This issue isn't rising to the point of leaving. There is nothing in the world that would make me leave her. I disapprove of her decision to keep smoking. I am disappointed that she knows how to quit and refuses to do so again. There is definitely an issue here, but at the end of the day I can't and won't force her to do anything. I am definitely not without my faults too. It pisses me off, but I'm not going to go all high horse on her.
But honestly, I don't know what to do about it. I do have a low level resentment about it, but we really do have a great relationship otherwise.
Roll over. Do nothing. Accept that your wife is an addict and doesn't care enough about you to even try to quit smoking when you've made it an issue.
Pester her to quit.
Ask for couples therapy.
Seperate/Divorce
Those are literally your only options. You do nothing or you do something. In either case, you've got to address it if you want to do anything about it.
Do you? You said that you wouldn't have married a smoker and you still refuse to. She is relying on a crutch that is killing her and causing harm to your own health. You've asked her to do something about it. She won't. This isn't like her passtime is knitting or something. It's a money sink that is detrimental to the health of everyone involved and everyone around it. She's more willing to poison herself than even consider quitting. Is it really a great relationship if someone isn't willing to change to protect themselves, their health and your health?