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this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2025
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TransLater
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I started to transition at the age of 44. Wife, no kids (fortunately), and a semi-public career.
I held most of the fears that you do about passing, still have my doubts, but after 10 months of hrt, passing is much less of a concern.
Hormones have been the greatest antidepressant. Seeing my body slowly shift along with my emotions has been the greatest confirmation that I’m doing the right thing for myself. I actually feel like I want to live now. I want to keep going.
As far you should go. Who knows? That’s entirely up to every individual. Some people find peace in the mere realisation that they are trans and make no changes at all. Others need to socially and medically transition as quickly and completely as possible before they’re happy.
There are as many ways to transition as there are trans people. Try exploring a little bit with your presentation and see how that makes you feel. Just feel it out step by step and see what feels right for you. At this stage I might suggest not even thinking about it as transitioning to female but more about figuring out who you are as an individual.
Personally, I got on estrogen as quickly as possible. Months before I came out to friends and family (my wife knew from the start). 10 months later and I’m pretty much still boymoding but in women’s jeans and T-shirts.
My look is becoming rather androgynous though. I keep getting “the squint” as people try to get a read on me. 😆
Best thing to do is find a therapist who specialises in gender issues. Mine was invaluable in the early months.
This is why I started estrogen, I couldn't mentally handle thinking of starting HRT with the goal of becoming a woman, because I felt I never would be a woman and all of that was just too painful. So instead I set a more achievable goal: transition just to improve my mental health, just to feel better.
Estrogen made me life affirming for the first time since before puberty, I had no idea I was even depressed before, but I am so much happier and "normal" on estrogen. I had no idea this could be the case, I didn't even know trans people were impacted this way, it was shocking to me when I read about "biochemical dysphoria".
I remember after first taking estrogen that whether I was trans or not, I would happily take estrogen as a recreational drug. That was a bit clarifying, as no matter whether I decided to continue transition or to live as a woman, I knew that estrogen felt amazing and I wanted to keep taking it. That estrogen might someday make me look like a woman was just a bonus. :-)
Funny thing was, I was so scared of not passing that it took quite a few sessions in therapy to find the confidence to just ‘try’ hormones.
As the weeks passed and changes started I became more and more comfortable with transitioning. I remember a few weeks in there was a moment as if a switch was flicked in my brain and life went from black and white to colour. I was walking in the evening and started crying at how beautiful the sunset through the trees looked. I’d never experienced emotions like it!
Are the hormones pretty expensive?
I live in the uk so I diy. I can get approximately 18 months worth of hormones and injection supplies for £100.
In the U.S. 1 year of injectable estrogen costs me around $100, FYI. Less now that I've had an orchi (my dose is maybe a quarter of what it was pre-surgery).
Woah I thought that was going to be the biggest factor. I had no idea it was so cost effective.
Wait until you start looking for clothes 😆
or hair removal 💀
Trying to gauge how bad electrolysis price this is: is $100/hr a lot for it?
That seems about right! I currently get about 1 hour a week on the genital region in prep for vaginoplasty (some weeks I double up, so 2 x 1 hour sessions in a week).
Okay, great to hear! Knowing i wont be getting price-gouged is good.
Does it generally take the whole hour for that one area, even after its been thinned down by previous sessions?
I haven't seen full clearance even with an hour once a week, and even with thinning. There is progress, but it's not like laser where there is no hair for a while, it's more like there's always hair to zap for the whole hour (some of it new since last session, but most of it was there last session). After a month or two there is more thinning and I'm seeing more clearance - that is nice because the zaps are not as clustered (it can get really painful when many follicles are zapped in the same area).
Okay, i can see how that can add up quickly now. My goals are completely hairless genitals, "undercarriage", and chest, slowly expanding to full body over time (everything neck down). This is probably going to take a good couple of years I'm starting to think (not discouraged tho! I want it done and plan in scheduling an appointment/consultation soon!)
I went with laser first and I'm pretty happy with the results - face, arms, legs, belly, chest, etc. I would say my dysphoria was worst for the face, then chest and belly hair were second. Shaving arms and legs are sorta normal for cis women so even though that makes me feel gross, it's not too bad.
I'll probably need electrolysis to finish up persistent patches on my face, but it will be a lot less than without laser. Laser overall is less painful for me than electrolysis, esp. 1 hour sessions 💀
That said, laser isn't as permanent and electrolysis is definitely better if you can handle it. I just wanted to minimize my electrolysis as much as possible, and it's sorta required for the surgery (laser is too slow and weak on the genital region to get sufficient hair loss, electrolysis is more reliable of a method for permanent removal, too).
Face doesn't bug me nearly as much as chest/nether regions tbh. I've had a thick beard for years, but i know once i finally shave it off it'll bug me a lot more when it regrows. (Edit: and it will be significantly harder to remain stealthy when its gone)
Chest grows thick enough that it genuinely affects how clothes fit my body and just feels miserable. Nether regions its irritating and scratchy and makes my thighs feel gross.
ah, interesting - I barely had any hair on my chest or legs to start with, so that might be part of the difference - I basically had a small patch on my sternum that I didn't really notice until after I transitioned (and then it bothered me immensely, despite being thin and whispy). I always disliked my beard, it felt unclean and like having pubes on my face - not shaving was like the ultimate giving up on my self-care, and was the start of a particularly bad period for me. So shaving it resumed immediately and my sensitivity became rather extreme, beard shadow or its absence had a pretty significant impact on my mood.
Yeah, the center of my chest it was thick enough i couldn't see my bare skin through it.
My beard does bug me still, and sideburns drive me batshit crazy (giant head + thick sideburns + glasses + headphones = PRESSURE!!), but its relatively manageable for me.
It does still depress me though; the main reason i grew it was giving up on constant shaving, but i also unfortunately learned that a beard makes me significantly more approachable as a person. As in, i stopped noticing people skittering away from me in stores ☹️
Its also in my picture for multiple forms of work ID cards/badges.
HRT is cheap, relatively speaking. Just remember that you also need to get frequent blood tests. There can be very small side effects depending on your specific treatment and medical history, so doctors will want to make sure things are kept in check. I'm on spiro and a marathon runner, so I also need to watch potassium, for instance.
The real expense is laser/electrolysis, and eventually surgery if you decide that's the right path for you. I personally can't wait to get all the testosterone poisoning gone, but I know it will take time and planning. And it will be worth it!