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this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2025
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I don't know if you've experienced this (or are this age) but my kids are gen-Z, and they use 'gay' and 'queer' (mostly) interchangeably. One of my kids who is gay constantly refers to me as 'gay' because I'm bi. One of their friends who is a lesbian also uses gay, so it's been quite a learning experience for me.
Yeah, my friendgroup does the same. It doesn't really bother me that much, just very silly to think about. I'd rather be included in the LGBT community than excluded, even if bi-erasure is a pretty serious issue. I used to really care about the meaning of words, but now that we live in a post-meaning world, I mostly just care about the intent. Nobody ever means me ill will when they refer to me as gay, so it's w/e.
Yeah I've been bi(sexual) since the 90's when it was, uh, 'frowned upon', but I came out as bi-romantic last year. The erasure is absolutely real and brutal. I was talking with a guy (who was gay) and when I said I was bi he sighed aloud and then just walked away. The vast majority of people are much better about it, though I have not had a great experience once I came out as enby. Random women have come up and 'negged' my hair/clothing/etc, men on the other hand get annoyed when they mistake me for a woman.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you might want to say to them 'hey so I love being included, and it feels somewhat erasing to be...'. I find that the vast majority of the time that goes over well and people go with it.