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submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by kescusay@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

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While the District Attorney’s Office agrees that it is highly inappropriate to teach while intoxicated, it is, unfortunately, not illegal.”

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I hate it here.

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cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/13249285

A book about book bans has been banned in a Florida school district.

Ban This Book, a children’s book written by Alan Gratz, will no longer be available in the Indian River county school district since the school board voted to remove the book last month.

Gratz’s book, which came out in 2017, follows fourth-grader Amy Anne Ollinger as she tries to check out her favorite book. Ollinger is told by the librarian she cannot, because it was banned after a classmate’s parent thought it was inappropriate. She then creates a secret banned-books library, entering into “an unexpected battle over book banning, censorship, and who has the right to decide what she and her fellow students can read”, according to the book’s description on Gratz’s website.

In a peculiar case of life imitating art, Jennifer Pippin, a parent in the coastal community, challenged the book.

Pippin’s opposition is what prompted the school board to vote 3-2 in favor of removing it from shelves. The vote happened despite the district’s book-review committee vetting the work and deciding to keep it in schools.

Indian River county school board members disagreed with how Gratz’s book referred to other works that had been taken out of school, and accused it of “teaching rebellion of school-board authority”, according to the Tallahassee Democrat.

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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by NightOwl@lemmy.ca to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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Deleted: Duplicate (www.theguardian.com)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by ptz@dubvee.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Duplicate; Deleting.

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submitted 2 days ago by 0x815@feddit.de to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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In a soliloquy on batteries for electric vehicles, including ships, he pondered what would happen if such a boat were to sink and the battery would submerge.

...

“It must be because of MIT, my relationship with MIT, very smart, I say, what would happen if the boat sank from its weight, and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there,” he said as MAGA supporters listened intently. “By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. Did you notice this? A lot of sha…”

...

“So there is a shark 10 yards from the boat, ten yards… or here,” he said. “Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking? Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?”

...

“He didn’t know. He said: ‘Nobody has ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there is a lot of electric current coming through that water,’” Trump said. “But you know what I would do if there is a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time.* I’m not getting near the shark.”

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submitted 2 days ago by 0x815@feddit.de to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Archived link

Russia’s Supreme Court has banned the vaguely defined “Anti-Russian Separatist Movement” as an “extremist” organization, the independent news website Mediazona reported Friday.

Rights groups say they have not been able to find a formal organization called the “Anti-Russian Separatist Movement,” leading to speculation that the authorities could use the designation as a pretext for wider criminal prosecutions of anti-war, anti-colonial or Indigenous rights activists.

Russia’s Justice Ministry, which initiated the “extremism” claim in April, defined the “anti-Russian separatist” group as an “international public movement to destroy the multinational unity and territorial integrity of Russia.”

Mediazona said its correspondent asked a ministry official ahead of the hearing to rule on the designation whether they “have any guesses” about what constitutes an “anti-Russian separatist movement.”

“We don’t just guess, we know,” the Justice Ministry official was quoted as saying without commenting further.

Russia’s Supreme Court designated both the “Anti-Russian Separatist Movement” and its “structural divisions” after convening a closed-door hearing Friday, Mediazona said. The designation means anyone convicted of association with the vaguely defined organization could be imprisoned for up to six years.

The court previously banned the similarly nonexistent “Ya/My Furgal movement” in support of a jailed ex-governor, as well as the “international LGBT public movement,” which has prompted a sweeping crackdown on public displays of LGBTQ+ identities and lifestyles.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16364130

Appeals court tells Texas it cannot ban books for mentioning ‘butt and fart’

Conservative-dominated court restores books denounced by officials as ‘pornographic filth’ to school libraries

An appellate court has ruled that Texas cannot ban books from libraries simply because they mention “butt and fart” and other content which some state officials may dislike.

The fifth US circuit court of appeals issued its decision on Thursday in a 76-page majority opinion, which was written by Judge Jacques Wiener Jr and opened with a quote from American poet Walt Whitman: “The dirtiest book in all the world is the expurgated book.”

In its decision, the appellate court declared that “government actors may not remove books from a public library with the intent to deprive patrons of access to ideas with which they disagree”.

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  • Hiker finds pipe feeding China's tallest waterfall, sparking social media controversy and investigation by local government officials.
  • Yuntai tourism park operators admit to using a pipe to enhance waterfall flow during dry season to maintain visitor satisfaction.
  • Social media users express mixed reactions, with some understanding the situation while others criticize the artificial enhancement of natural landscapes.
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“We get it, we don’t like spiders either, but it’s never a good idea to use a blow torch or any other flammable device for pest control,” firefighters said in a social media post.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16157729

Idaho bar celebrates "Heterosexual Awesomeness Month" with free beer for straight men

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[META] Help! (lemmy.world)

Hi everyone,

News is weird. When it's weird enough, it reads like articles from The Onion, and that's what we're all about. But as the community grows, there's more and more content being posted here that just isn't very Onion-y.

Jimmy Carter Becomes Second President Convicted Of Felony For Sticking Up Waffle House

Take a look at that headline from The Onion today. Or this one:

World Series Of Poker Entrants Play One Hand Face-Up So Everyone Can Learn Rules

Or this one:

New Hormone-Free IUD Wards Off Sperm With Steady Emission Of Police-Grade Pepper Spray

That's the flavor we're going for. We want real, credible news articles with headlines that read like they're from The Onion.

This is not the community for:

  • Non-Onion-y political news (it's gotta be absurd enough to look Onion-y)
  • Non-Onion-y regular news (it's gotta be absurd enough to look Onion-y)
  • Satire (it's gotta be actual news)
  • Fake news from fly-by-night "news" sites (again, it's gotta be actual news)

That means not every ridiculous thing a politician does qualifies as appropriate content here.

I need your help, though... I need people to report content that just isn't Onion-y, and I need people to try not to post non-Onion-y content in the first place.

Finally, I need help moderating, so this is also a formal call for new mods! Post below if you think you're ready to take on moderation for one of the larger Lemmy communities! Tell me why you'd like to mod, and link to a news story from any time (it doesn't have to be current) that has a properly Onion-y headline, to show that you really get this community.

I'll pick two people to become new moderators for the community from participants. Good luck!

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A global shortage of oranges that sent prices soaring has prompted some orange juice manufacturers to consider turning to alternative fruits to make the breakfast staple.

...

"There are three main factors driving the soaring price of orange juice, and it's drought, disease and demand," Ted Jenkin, oXYGen Financial CEO and co-founder, told FOX Business.

The spike stems from declining output in Florida, which is the primary U.S. producer, and disease and extreme weather events in Brazil, which accounts for about 70% of global production.

Orange trees in Brazil have been suffering from a disease known as citrus greening. Once infected, citrus trees produce fruits that are partially green, small, misshapen and bitter. There is no cure, and trees typically die within a few years of infection.

The disease, along with severe heat waves and drought that occurred during the pivotal phases of flowering and early fruit formation, have put Brazil on track to register one of its worst orange harvests in more than three decades, according to a new report published by Fundecitrus and CitrusBR.

...

In the past, orange juice makers have avoided long-term shortages by freezing juice stock, which can be preserved and used for up to two years, according to the Financial Times. However, even that frozen stock is dissipating because of a three-year shortage build-up.

Cools said that manufacturers may have to consider using a different fruit, like mandarins, because their trees are more resistant to the greening disease. However, that could be a lengthy process.

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A Pringle thief told police "once you pop, you can't stop" after his arrest over a series of robberies.

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Not The Onion

10862 readers
1518 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

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