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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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submitted 6 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) by Sunflier@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

We forced ourselves onto you after you repeatedly said no. Why are you so upset? Look how many jobs we replaced!

-Microsoft CEO right before the guillotine's blade falls

Edit: This cross-post about AI potentially replacing almost 12% of jobs off the bat seems relevant.

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submitted 15 hours ago by Fontasia@feddit.nl to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/39323927

Wut.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/39329798

Bet you never thought you'd read that combination of words anywhere other than on the back of a Dan Brown book, did you.

(article is paywalled, unfortunately, but there's enough there to get the gist)

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Israeli forces stormed a theatre in occupied East Jerusalem to prevent a children’s play from taking place following orders from far-right minister Itamar Ben-Gvir.

Police forces arrived on Sunday night at the Palestinian National Theatre, forcibly removing spectators gathered for the play and causing children to cry as they were ordered home.

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Brett Ratner, accused of sexual misconduct by several women, will bring his hit franchise back to the big screen

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Beckinsale explained that she initially thought her daughter’s boyfriend was just looking for attention until she noticed that, similarly to an egg, whatever had passed through his body had a “shell” and a “yolk” when opened.

“Hold on a second,” host Jimmy Kimmel said. “An egg came out of his body?”

According to Beckinsale, yes. “Not out of his mouth or ears, it came out the route that it would come out of a hen,” Beckinsale replied. “Well, not his vagina. He went to the bathroom and was very surprised to find that he had laid an egg.”

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Meta allegedly gave accounts engaged in the “trafficking of humans for sex” 16 chances before suspending them, according to testimony from the company’s former head of safety and well-being, Vaishnavi Jayakumar. The testimony — along with several other claims that Meta ignored problems if they increased engagement — surfaced in an unredacted court filing related to a social media child safety lawsuit filed by school districts across the country.

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So secure was the annual contest to fill three director and four officer positions that when one trustee lost his cryptographic key to unlock the results, the error made it impossible.

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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by heyWhatsay@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Nalmefene is different — and not without controversy. Per Filter, the drug isn’t meant for reversing overdoses in people with substance abuse disorders, but in first responders and military members who might come in contact with them. It also increases the risk of fatal overdose in drug users.

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Another post from betting market company Polymarket read: "BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all New York elementary school students to learn Arabic numerals." The post has almost 14 million views.

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Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

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