The picture says:

Smile in my new dress

Behind me there suddenly -

Fearless winter sky.

Last week I got myself a tape measure, figured out some sizing things and ordered a cheap dress online. It looked good, and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. I felt like I could actually pull of a transition and not look like an ugly man in a dress. I giggled and cried and it felt so good. The next day I went to the mall, got my ears pierced, bought all the girly things I was brave enough to in person. Then I paced around mac like a weirdo until I worked up the courage to go in and ask for help picking makeup. They were great and super helpful getting me some basics. When I went home, I put my dress on, and thought I'd take it slow and just put on some lipstick and paint my nails. When I saw myself, I felt like an ugly old man in lipstick, and it fucking ruined all the euphoria from before. I know I can get past that, do my makeup better and find something more comfortable, but I wanted to hang on to that feeling forever. I saw the woman I know I am inside for a moment and wanted the rest to just happen. It's not gonna be that easy though, is it?

So last week I came out to my Parents and my Grandma.

I already knew beforehand that this will not end well, as my parents are (super)conservative and self-absorbed. But I had to do it anyway, right?

I met with my grandma (mid-eighties) first alone, she was a bit shocked but was quite understanding of the situation, and she tried real hard to use my proper pronouns. I really love her trying and being open.

Then my parents arrived and I laid it all down to them. They were shocked of course. Interestingly, I was not the first who happened to be trans in my family, my mother said in a tone like that being trans is some freak accident that happen and can't be helped. They told me her deadname and her new name, but from then on out they constantly deadnamed her whenever they referred to her. Great start...

She also once said, probably with good intention, that I would always be her deadname. Which stung even more, especially since she said that after I tried to correct her on my pronouns and my name. Like she totally disregarded what i was saying all along.

To my father, he is a quite right-leaning and buys into the idea that the rainbow flag and trans movement is communistic. As in, we as a minority, want to dictate the majority how to speak, act and think. (Imaging that novel idea, that inclusivity and respect is communistic)

In the end I could bear it any longer and found a somewhat graceful exit to leave this toxic coming out.

But ever since then, and the text messages I received from my mother don't help at all, thoughts are gnawing on my self. Text messages like: that she doesn't think that I am trans and that the journey I am on is the right one. Because she read up on literature (she didn't mention what literature), she hadn't seen any signs during my youth, and she insists that she always knows best.

So yeah, thoughts like am I really trans? is this just really only just a phase? Do I only really want attention? Am I just faking it?

But why, on the other hand, do I feel the shot of euphoria whenever a colleague calls me by my name and uses my given pronouns?

Why not just end this charade once and for all? Who would care in the end?

Dysphoria, fueled by conservatives who don't accept you, is really tormenting at times.

One of my biggest causes of dysphoria right now is facial hair. I hate shaving, and unfortunately HRT doesn't help reduce existing hair.

My partner helped me find a great trans-friendly, local electrologist.

I set up a consultation and agreed to an initial 15 minute session after being satisfied with the consultation. The technician is very experienced, board certified, and professional.

Unfortunately I wasn't expecting to have my first session, so I hadn't taken pain killers or used any topical numbing agents. So I got the full experience of the pain. Not recommended.

I have a high pain tolerance, but it really does hurt. It made my whole body twitch at times. Thankfully it is only a quick sharp sting, then you feel nothing. At least for a second or two.

The process is that a tiny sterile probe is inserted down the hair shaft to the base of the follicle, and applies an electrical shock to cauterize the blood vessel feeding it, then the hair is removed. Because the hairs are always in different growth stages that take about 4-6 weeks to complete, the treatment is repeated throughout the year to catch them all.

My technician is very thorough about aftercare. I was recommended a soothing lavender and tea tree oil balm, and aloe vera gel. It feels wonderful. Have to remember to not spend too much time in the sun, to wear sunscreen, and stay hydrated.

All in all it wasn't too bad and totally worth never having beard shadow or shaving again. Going back next week for a 30 minute session, then 45 minutes after that. She estimates it won't take too long, due to how naturally sparse my hair is.

Another box getting checked off my transition list <3

So originally I was sceptical about the TERF claims on rowling (because I didn't want them to be true), I'd assumed terminally online people had decided something silly (as has happened before), but the more I looked at it and thought about it, the more I thought, "Ok, I don't really have proof here, but the odds are looking pretty fucking likely that she is, surely it'd be quite easy for her to just say something publicly like "trans women are women" and it'd be all over".

The problem I'm having at the minute, is my wife still thinks that it's all probably something that's been blown out of proportion, and I can't explain to her why I'm not excited by the new Strike novel, or why I won't play the Harry Potter game. How do I prove to her that it isn't something that's been blown out of proportion and that Rowling really is a TERF

Sorry in advance for the depressing thread, but I don't have anyone in my life with trans experiences and I need advice on what I'm feeling.

As much as we might wish we could waking up one morning with the body of a gorgeous k-pop idol or something, the fact is reality doesn't work that way. And this kind of thing is what I'm struggling with the most, the fact that I'm always going to struggle with body hair and masculine features.

I was on HRT for one month, and still have the relevant medications in my bathroom, but stopped. Partially due to lack of support, but mostly due to self-doubt and lack of confidence that I'll ever be happy with how I look. I just couldn't see the woman inside coming out.

I kept asking myself: what would be worse? Constantly wishing I could successfully transition, or transitioning and having to live with never being able to pass? This became additionally concerning with the uptick in abuse against trans people.

Part of me feels guilty for stopping and falling back on the safe suffering I already know, and a part of me feels guilty for giving up, part of me is scared of all the new things I'll have to learn if I re-start, and another part of me is concerned about how my partner would feel if I started again, I know she doesn't approve but doesn't want to say so.

For those of you who are/were larger, or taller, or older, or more hairy, how did you manage these concerns? For those of you without resources in your life to aid your transition, how did you get support?

Thank you for reading.

To me it's a 🌈

Hi. I've gone to two Vagioplasty Surgeons, Dr. Metlzer and Dr. Winograd. Dr. Meltzer's staff removed me as a patient when i asked too many questions (Like why, over the phone their waiting list was 6 months, then i was told a year) and asked why my (former) therapist got to give him an unquilified medical opinion that may have been part of the delay. Dr. Winograd's staff have been downright horribe to me, inserting rude comments into my medical record under my PCP's name and generally doing everything they (Brigham Women's hospital) can do to delay or deny services.

I'm looking for a decent Surgeon in the US (preferably on the east coast as CT is my home and most of my support is there.

I'm also trying to find support and advice on this stage of my transisition. I know its where I'm headed, but I'm not sure if I've mentally and emotionally prepared myself enough. I have the letters of referance, its just down to finding a surgeon (also a supportive partner, but thats another story) and more friends close by to encourage and support me (I know I might get unmotivated with dialation, so I've gotta find supportive people that are willing to push me around, if nessicary)

Thank you for reading this.

Looking for fiction with good trans representation that my family might read. Need books that:

1. Normalize trans experiences for cis individuals,
2. Match specific genres/themes for each family member, and
3. Don't scream "trans" from the cover.

Dad's into Tom Clancy, so a military submarine thriller with trans representation would be ideal—super specific, right? Wonder how that would play out!

Went to get a prescription today (not hrt, a different drug) and this guy tried to cut the line and the pharmacist said "sir, she is in line next" and it made me sooo happy. (And then I was sad that I had to use my legal name to get my script, but overall happy for getting gendered correctly)

for context im in my early 20s and in a decent material condition rn so getting the AA isnt the problem, it's just deciding which to get

so since i'm probably not going to be doing bica because of the alcohol related warning, what type of AA would you people advise i get instead?

edit: also how bad could it be if i just went ahead with getting bica anyway, is it worth just trying that out despite the alcohol risk? because it seems to be the best for what i want out of hrt that isnt ludicrously expensive

~~edit 2: i got cryptoscammed out of $70 asking some reddit cryptobro who i thought was just so interested in helping me because he was a chaser or something for help setting up a crypto wallet, now i wont be starting hrt for another month or so :( i feel like such a dumb piece of shit~~

edit 3: a friend offered to help cover the cost of all the crypto i lost so like hell yeah, im gonna get E soon after all

So some other girls in this community mentioned that they had their first appointments regarding transgender questions and such, and so did I.

To preface this, I'm from Germany, so don't take any advice from this post please as every journey is different and is dependent on where you life, what healthcare options you have and such.

So, I went to an independent, donation based, center which deals about everything LGBTQ+. First it was pretty easy, going up to the door looking for the ringer, and then I suddenly stop in my motion. I hesitated and asked myself: "Am I really ready for this, to question everything?" My finger pressed the ringer and the Door swung open.

A super cheery woman was waiting for me and showed me the room where we would get to know each other and had to leave me alone for a bit as she had to deal with something else first (it was also 10 minutes before the actual appointment, I like being too early than being too late).

Then we talked. About all of my immediate concerns regarding transitioning, not only socially and medically, but political and work related as well.

I didn't know that public healthcare in Germany can cover so many things (when you have a diagnosed ICD-10 F64.0 that is). From HRT, to surgery to hair removal, vocal-chord surgery...

Pretty amazing. Buuuuut, getting that diagnose is a pain in the butt, even though I'm in the third-biggest city. There are just too few specialized therapists and the queue times can be years long. But that's not where it ends, I have to go through at least 5 sessions, 50 minutes each. And then I can get the diagnosis to get my medical journey started. Firstly, I want to go on HRT, getting those hormones and the body changes; they sound super promising. I'm not certain yet about the steps after that. But changing my legal name will, currently as a new law is in the making, take legal council, examination and some months to think it over, and then an appointment at court. WTF? The new law can't come soon enough.

So yeah. It has been good talking to a sister regarding those questions and my concerns, as the political climate isn't looking spiffy right now, and it only gets worse.

In any case, if you have questions or need help regarding trans* please seek out your local community as they can be really helpful and supportive!

I think I'm struggling a bit on my self acceptance.

For example, I know that HRT is something I want. But I'm not ready for it right now. I have this strong desire to start it and start a more noticeable transition, but after looking more into it I got scared and dysphoric almost about the whole thing?

I have moments where I'm confident and want to move forward but also moments where I'm scared and it feels like too much.

Plus I feel like I'm running out the clock on my transition. I'm almost 30 and only came out to myself and my wife a month ago. I feel like I've wasted a lot of my life already in the wrong body and I feel like I need to play catch up almost.

I guess I'm wondering if these are common feelings people have when first starting off? Knowing that you want something for your transition but just not being ready yet. And this weird sense of time slipping away even faster than before? Almost like a mid life crisis... like a beginning transition crisis, lol

Just something I've been conflicted over the past week that I thought I would share with y'all. ❤️

I (25mtf) realized I might be trans years ago after finding egg_irl on reddit and spending the last few years basically finding every excuse as to why I couldnt be trans. I was terrified of coming out and terrified of the possibility that I might not be cis. The repression and fear for years destroyed me. Once I developed some pretty severe depression I began seeing a therapist. I was convinced the depression was due to my severe burnout from my job and that it couldn't possibly be gender dysphoria. Thankfully once I began seeing this therapist I brought up my gender identity issues. After months and months of my worstening depression I was eventually placed on prozac. The prozac helped a bit, but what really helped my depression was beginning to really explore my gender identity. About four months ago I discussed it with my long term partner of 6 years and she was amazingly supportive beyond my wildest dreams.

I was able to start exploring my gender identity and wear feminine clothes and be referred to with she/her pronouns etc. It was really fun and helped the depression subside. I thought the prozac was doing its job and fixed my depression so I was referred over to a gender therapist to determine if I may be transgender. I got to meet other transgender guys, gals and nonbinary pals. I got to hear their experiences with being trans both the good and the bad. I was terrified of being trans because I've always been horrifically socially awkward. I couldn't imagine dealing with standing out in public and being clocked. I was absolutely horrified of how badly I could be treated. Those fears held me severely back in my coming out process. I had only told 3 people for months and it was only the people I lived with. I wasn't out to anyone else and felt too scared of losing the people I cared about even though I knew they would be supportive. After only a months time after this point my prozac stopped working.

My depression came back with a vengeance. I began isolating myself and overall losing my will or motivation to do anything. I hit the lowest point of my life last week and realized there was no way I could continue denying my true self. I ended up popping an edible and playing Celeste because I'd played it before and new it was a story of depression written by a trans woman. I've literally never been more called out by any piece of media in my entire life. It literally saved my life and showed me that I truly need to listen to my inner self. I cried and cried for hours and truly listened to my inner self for once. That was one week ago today. From that day onwards I had no idea how much confidence I actually have. I stopped boymoding 24/7 and made a new goal for myself: be my authentic self always. I in that time managed to find out that my social anxiety seems to have been caused by gender dysphoria. When Im presenting as fem I can order food at take away spots without issue and call people on the phone or even begin messaging people. I began the process of coming out to everyone and I created my first social media posts in years. I announced to the world that I'm Ada and I cant continue denying who I am. since that day I have been on cloud 9. I have never felt happiness like this in years (if ever). I feel lighter and more energetic. I have motivation and confidence like I could never believe. In the last week I went out to the movies, went to a couple restaurants, did karaoke, went thrifting, went bar hopping in a very conservative part of my home city (was not my idea and I didnt think it through when I said yes, but I was very suprised I only got a few odd stares and one rude question) and even went to a Halloween party. Every one of those I was wearing what I wanted to wear (pretty much always a skirt and cute top) and definitely did not pass (still waiting to be able to start hrt). I at first was afraid of how bad the transphobia could be, but I soon began to realize that most people, at least where Im at, are either super supportive or keep to themselves. I have heard some pretty rude things this last week about me. I heard myself being referred to as a slur by a couple of the customers at a 7/11. I helped my grandparents move and heard some offhanded comments from one of the family friends who is a pastor (basically him wondering if I was fruity and how such a good young man could do such a thing).

I was definitely hurt by those things, but the bad feelings basically bounce off when I realize just how many people are supportive of me. I am referred to by my preferred pronouns and name pretty much by everyone I normally interact with (mistakes happen here or there but they dont bother me as I know they arent intentional). The feelings I get from the love and support around me is worth those bad moments. Ive never felt so free in my life and wanted to share my story of how coming out basically saved my life and wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Im only one week in to being fully openly out and the gender euphoria has basically cured my lack of motivation and energy. Sometimes just taking a leap into something (if it seems safe enough to do so) is worth it because it forces you to face those fears and overcome those challenges.

I just started to wear some fem-clothe at all. So I have some question fore more experienced girls.

I face an issue when dressing, I am pretty tall and don't have hips (nor belly). I realized that when buying fem-clothe, I need to go one size shorter than when buying boy close, or the skirt will simply fall due to my lack of hips.

Being tall means if I wear a size-M, I feel like my clothe are very short. (It's may-be a self confindence issue). The skirt I am wearing right now stop like mid tight (rather than above the knee), I feel my skin touching my chair, and feel like that I need to move on a very specific way to not show up my underwear (Actually I like that, feel like it force mes to move on a feminine way).

I am also not confident enough yet to spend time in the women's aisle let alone try clothe at the store, so I just have a quick look, grab something and try-it at home

Do you have any tips for tall girls ? Which kind of clothe shall I wear/avoid especially as I don't have hips nor breast

I've been wondering if the reason I've only seen small results after nearly two years is that while my levels are fine by body can't do what it's supposed to. And if that's the case should I just quit hrt

Hello there,

Sorry for my english first,

For very recently now, im a girl at home, and i feel so good like this. Im so good when im wearing my sweatrobe,
When i see my legs shaved, i love them, i love me.

But now when im going outside (i keep the socks under pants) as man, i feel so unhappy, so bad.

How can i still go on without feeling shit to be a man now... i mean, its just wears...

Ive always hated do shoppings, but now i check robes on shops by walking the streets, and just that make me i want to be dress in girl mode, and i feel so unhappy, so sad, i want to cry at theses moments.

Do that will pass with the time,
Is it the classic way of the MTF ?
Could i be happy as girl at home, and as man outside ?

I just hope i feel like this, because affirming me to myself with wearings, is new...

Im now home, with my sweatrobe, with you lemmy, and my guitar, and now im good, now i'm...

Ty for the reading,

I'm wondering what the group age range looks like. I'm 35 for example.

No obligations if you dont want to post you age. I wish lemmy had post so it would be a little more anonymous.

I made the appointment to talk to my doctor about starting HRT in a month 😸

This weekend I was camping at a faire with some friends, and resolved to tell the last person in my friend group about my transition.

The talks went over really well with my other friends, but I have been pretty anxious for each of them because I feel like I never have a good idea what the reaction will be.

In full disclosure, by this point in the faire all of us were fairly inebriated. The group had kind of fractured off into smaller clusters, so it was just me, my friend I hadn't told, and one that I had. We were walking back to camp from a spot where we had been watching the stars, and I felt like it was as good an opportunity as any.

"Hey, now that we have a moment, I've got something I've gotta tell you," I said. My friend inmediately froze in place, arms spread in a T-pose, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. I thought perhaps the way I lead into the convo sounded like I was going to say something grave lol.

"So... I've been going through a bit of a transition," I say. She immediately loosens up once again and nods, following along with what I'm saying. "I've actually been on E for about two months." "Uh huh," she says, with a look that implied she was waiting for the bombshell she expected me to drop.

"That's it," I said after a moment. "That's all the news," I followed, laughing a little. "Oh ok, nice!" She replies. "That's cool!" I guess she expected me to tell her I had cancer or something. I told her it seemed like she was taking this very casually, and she said that gender has always been whatever to her. "You're still my friend. I think that's awesome!"

I had not anticipated such immediate and unflinching acceptance. I count myself very fortunate to have such cool friends. Anyway, I thought it might be nice to put that story out there! I am still kind of reeling from the support I have received, and wanted to share.

Hope you all are having a good week!

Hey everyone, first time posting. Hoping there are others with similar experiences who can share insight, but at minimum I want to put my thoughts down.

I [29MtF] am pre-everything, but have accepted I am trans for the last 4 years with the understanding I would never transition. Continuing to live as a man in spite of myself seemed realistic. My dysphoria was never really that bad, so even though the idea of being a woman was amazing, I could always push it aside easily and continue with my life.

Sure, I would have bad days where dysphoria would get me down, thinking things like:

"Why can't I look like her? Why does it have to be such a big deal if I want to transition? Why would so many people hate me for being who I want to be?"

But as always, these times would come and go. I could grin and bear it, pressing on to another day.

My wife of 6 years is fantastic. I love her more than the day we were married, and we have a child on the way. In the past, I have been open with her about my general preference towards femininity. While she accepts this and loves me for it, I have never properly told her I think of myself as transgender. She and I both come from a background where being trans is considered wrong, and I know she still thinks that even though we are both supporting and accepting of our LGBTQ+ friends.

In the last year, one of my closest childhood friends told me he was gay. He and I regularly get drinks together, and mostly tell each other everything. When he came out to me, I told him I was trans. We have both been able to support each other, mostly as confidants while he deals with backlash from his family. I wish I could tell my wife as easily as I told my friend, but obviously that has more potential consequences.

The more time passes with me accepting who I am inside, the more natural it becomes to think of myself that way. This unfortunately has made dysphoria a more frequent and intense experience.

Additionally, there have been a handful of incredibly euphoric experiences I have had in the last year. My wife and I cosplayed a lesbian couple at a con this summer, which was the first time I dressed femme in public. Also, with my wife's pregnancy, I have been wearing some of her maternity clothes (shorts, sweatpants) around the house since those fit me surprisingly well. (Also justice for all of my hoodies she has claimed over the years)

I know for certain that transitioning would sever ties with almost all of my family and friends. Further, my wife would have a difficult time deciding what our future together would look like, assuming it continued at all. Despite her open mindedness, our shared religious beliefs would ultimately inform the outcome.

I wish it wasn't so hard to keep pretending. I'm just so tired.

Edit: Update

Last night my fiancée told me that she is very happy for me for figuring myself out and that she doesn't feel that we need couples counseling relating to my transition anymore which is exciting. She did say that she has realized the main problem she was having is that she is mourning the past. She mentioned one of her favorite early memories of us was me wrapping my manly (eww) arms around her from behind. She realizes that these are just that, memories and she'll have to get used to things being different moving forward.

Today met my mom at Starbucks and got my first ever Starbucks drink at age 28 and she asked me about my transition. I had previously come out to my whole family as non-binary and said that I may transition in the future. She is under a lot of stress from other things right now so my transition has been an extra thing on her mind recently and has been upsetting her a lot. This is fair, I understand that it's not just a big deal for me but also for everyone around me and I have been careful because of that.

My 6 years younger brother transitioned years ago and being young he was rather aggressive about it, it was a "get used to it or get lost" kind of thing which I understand, if I figured out I was trans as a teenager I might have been like that too. My mom was worried that I might be like that so I reassured her that is not the case, I am older and more mature and we can all be adults about it but I also need to do what's right for me.

Before I met her I wasn't sure if I was going to bring up my transition. I like to be thorough and only update people when I am sure about it and I had been thinking of waiting until I had been on HRT for a bit and was certain about it before giving my family an update. I am glad we talked about it now though. I don't have to worry about it aside from know how stressed my mom is in general and that I'm contributing to that. It is what it is though, I'm not slowing down for my family. I just told her that my fiancée is using she/her with me now but my mom and family can keep using they/them for now.

I was playing one of my "therapy games;" a game that, like, I use for therapy, ya know? I saw a line I hadn't seen:

"Thank you for showing these monsters how to love."

Context aside, it got me thinking, self-reflecting.

I've been trying to "set aside" our arguments, trying to show my brother, my mom I'm still me.

I'm trying to love them, despite how I feel they have slighted me. I'm trying to show them how to love.

Before you write them off completely, try to show the monsters in your life how to love (with healthy boundaries, of course). The results may surprise you.