Im not that worried about this that much. My other friends will accept it with ease. They will probably make a shit ton of jokes about it, but tbf I would do too. My family shouldn't be that hard too. The biggest problem I have will be getting the courage to implement who I Am into every day life and having to "out" myself to all those groups of people that I know, but dont know that good, that I would be able to talk about a lot of the intimate details. Its not that I will face backlash from those persons (at least not from those where I would actually mind having to cut them off), but me being to scared to actually change something.

Edit: there might be one or two friends who I may have to cut off, which would be kinda ass, but it wouldn't mean the end of the world to me.

I would consider that the easy part. There are some other people to which coming out will be much harder.

Funny enough is, that I met him through Lemmy. We didnt live that far away and it was a quitefcool coincidence, that I happened to move around near him for university (its around a 20 Minute drive to him). But yeah, hes a very good friend.

Thanks for the advice. I will devinetively look into it. I have absolutely her clue how and where I can find something like a gender affirming therapist, but shouldn't be to hard to find one. I will devinetively start writing a journal (won't do it on paper because theres a fair chance I will not be able to read it afterwards xD. My handwriting is terrible) since this devinetively sounds like a good idea to be able to remember myself why I am doing stuff and how terrible I currently feel. I already started reading the gender dysphoria bible even tho it doesn't really feel like gender dysphoria (if I understood what I've read so far right). I dont hate my current body. I just have this insane desire to be someone else. I know that being a woman is what I want, not because my current form is bad, but because even the thought of it fills me with joy. Currently it feels like someone ripped a giant fucking hole into my chest and nothing us able to fill it, except becoming what I dream of. It kinda feels like when youre really hungry, but its not in my stomach, but instead in my chest. Its absolutely horrible. Worst of all I currently dont really have the opportunity to tell a friend, because I know, that I really need this, because I dont really want to risk, that my family notices something. I'm devinetively not ready to talk to them about how I currently feel. If I'm lucky I might be able to do it on the weekend, since most of my family is gone or busy on the weekend. Will devinetively give an update if I can talk to a friend.

I might start reading some of the books you mentioned too. Someone else also recommended me whipping girl.

Edit regarding your edit: Luckyly I dont have a social bubble where I have to fear transphobes. There may be some in my hometown, but they will be quite easy to avoid, since I'm not there that often. In the city where I am usually (aka where my university is) I have absolutely no fear about transphobes. The majority of people there are super accepting and I know no others place where its that likely that someone you encounter is part of the LGBTQIA+ Group.

Damn, that sucks. I absolutely hate my current position and I devinetively want to end this as soon as possible. Theres no way I could withstand this for years without going literally insane.

That's when I'm moving back into my place since then the new Semester at University starts.

What do you want me to say, girl (guy?)?

Idont know (sounds weird when I really think about it). Do as you want.

But yeah, I know that its just 4 more weeks until it will eventually get better. The one upside of this is, that it gives me time to figure stuff out without having to focus on other things that much.

I know that I have no choice and I kind of accepted it. Sadly this doesn't really help with me absolutely hating it. I know that it will go away, but for now it absolutely sucks.

Getting fried all day is sadly not an option for me. Its quite counterproductive when you have to work all day, which includes quite a lot of stuff where I could hurt myself quite badly i f I dont watch out, and are not by yourself.

There is absolutely ni way i could stand through the current situation for a decade. Not even a year. Currently every day feels like torture. Even the 4 weeks until I Am no longer at my parents home are horrible to just think about.

you may have to be prepared to cut people off who do not have your best interests at heart.

I know. Im hoping that I can reduce this to an absolute minimum. I already know 2 people I will probably have to cut off, because they have been transphobic for quite some time now. Good thing is, that I usually only game with them, so not that big of a deal and even before realising what I Am I mostly reduced contact, since its kinda weird when their first instinct, when seeing a good looking female character in a game, is talking about how badly the would fuck her.

Heard that too, which was maybe a little bit a reason to why I wanted to try it (but primari;y it was because that would be the last time to try for about 2 months and my ass was impatient).