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The only opinion that matters here is your partner's.
Cheating is when you do something that betrays your partners trust.
I couldn't care less if my partners post nudes, anonymous or otherwise, so it wouldn't be cheating for me.
Other people feel differently, and so it could be cheating for them.
I also agree.
While I couldn't care less (it's their body and bodily autonomy is super important to me), I'd be a little hurt if they didn't tell me about it.
In that case I'd be more interested in talking to my partner to try and understand why they felt that they couldn't talk to me about it and needed to keep it a secret.
That's a decision you have to make along with your partner(s).
That's my take. If your partner is aware and doesn't mind there's nothing wrong with it. If you're doing it behind their back, that's a big issue, in more ways than one.
I think what's important here is discussing it with your partner because it is a form of sex work.
That's absolutely your decision and your right, it's your body - but your partner should get to choose whether they want to date someone who is doing that.
Having removed metadata and with nothing recognizable in the pic.
Not really relevant, that's like saying ordinary cheating isn't cheating if you wear a good disguise.
Or using a glory hole.
Oooo I think the analogy is a Little off. Just because of the way I interpreted why they said that in the first place.
I think it was said because they are expressing that the nudes are as impersonal as possible, not to say look I deidentified myself. In my case (if I'm right, maybe I'm not) it's a good faith argument to say see, I'm not trying to connect with someone I'm trying to have a business transaction, so comparing it to what wearing a disguise accomplishes in cheating isnt accurate.
Again, that's only based on my interpretation of why op added that bit
Someone is free to only date people who don't do office work, but its their job to communicate that requirement and what they'd consider crossing that line. You shouldn't be expected to consult your partner before filling out some paperwork at work and there shouldn't be some societal-wide expectation that you would inform them of the work.
When I get deeply emotionally attached to my data analyst, I might care if they're moonlighting on the side. Sex, work or not, is still an emotional topic for most of the human race and it's not new knowledge to anyone.
Enough that it would not naturally occur to me that "please do not engage in prostitution while we're together" needs to be said out loud. I will casually ask if you're monogamous and if you say yes, that's how monogamy works.
Even aside from that, yeah, tbh, I would consider it good form to let your partner know you're considering a new job regardless, just so they generally know what's going on. If you have to hide it, maybe something is wrong.
Selling a photo isn't really prostitution in the way people usually use it. No physical contact, no risk of STDs, no commitment to anons purchasing, it doesn't count.
If you put a lot of time into it or doing it more long-term or they're expecting you to be somewhere and you're gonna be late, sure. If it's a one-time thing that takes a very short amount of time, it's insignificant enough to not matter whether or not you mention it. That's not hiding anything more than not telling them you tied your shoes that day is hiding something.
I personally would not date someone who is employed by the US military.
If a partner hid that from me, it would be a breach of trust.
If you're in a relationship with someone that cares that deeply about office work, and you don't have the first inkling that they do, you have significant communication problems that need to be addressed.
More realistically, you'd know enough about your partner to know that it might be an issue for them, in which case, not knowing what their boundaries are, but knowing you're at risk of crossing them, you'd communicate with them.
Whether something, anything, is considered "cheating", is based on whatever the two people in a relationship agree shall be considered cheating. It's their relationship, their rules. An oral contract (pun intended).
If you have enough thoughts wondering if it is wrong, it probably is. Communication is key in a relationship. If they are cool with it, then do your thing. If you're too afraid to tell them then you already know the answer.
It's cheating and the fact that you are asking shows you know it is.
I think the fact they're asking shows they're not sure.
But also, one should be sure what your partner constitutes as cheating before engaging in said action, yeah.
My wife and I do not see the selling of nudes as cheating (unless non-consent to the nudes or the distribution, then it's a lot of levels of gross) but others might disagree.
Yep, you're asking everyone except the right person, here. Ask your partner. If you're afraid to ask your partner, then assume it's cheating until you do.
I'm poly; I don't have a personal definition of cheating in that context. My partner is a grown-up and can do what she wants; I can barely see how that's even my business, let alone my problem.
But if you pretend to follow a given set of rules, while actually secretly breaking them - that's pretty much the definition of cheating in any context.
If your partner would be not-OK with some activity, but you want to do it, then you either do it anyway and face the conflict head on, or you don't do it at all.
Selling nudes specifically - some would care a lot, some would be fine with it, and the only way to know is to ask. But sneaking around because you assume it'd be a dealbreaker if they found out - no bueno. No bueno at all.
This. Cheating isn't any one specific thing, it's a breach of trust. If you know your partner wouldn't like it don't do it. If you're not sure, ask. If you don't want to ask, then yeah it's probably cheating.
I'd be concerned if my partner hid a job from me.
Posting nudes is not cheating. Not telling your partner you're posting nudes is cheating.
Given data is irrelevant to the question. Anonymous or not, it depends on what your partner thinks about this. And if you don't want your partner to know, then you already know the answer.
Nah not cheating but definitely something that should be discussed in a relationship.
If your partner knows about it and is ok with it? No. In any other context? Yes.
If you're keeping this from your partner, the fact that it's not recognizable/traceable doesn't make it better, it just means you know what you're doing is wrong and you're taking steps not to get caught.
If you're serious about this question, you should not be in a relationship. Regardless of whether it was you or your partner doing it, if it was hidden from the other person, it's cheating.
If it's something we previously discussed and agreed on, no. Hell, I might even help if they want.
If it was done in secret, I'm not sure if I'd quite call it cheating but it's at least a lie of omission: What other secrets are being kept? Why should I keep trusting this person if they aren't honest with me?
Backing all these comments that say it's about communication. If I found out my partner has been selling nudes, hiding it from me, and also hiding the money? An unforgivable betrayal of my trust and our relationship. If he came to me beforehand and we discussed it and the money went towards our mutual goals, it would at least be something I'd consider.
The whole point is not hiding it from your partner. Discuss things before you do them.
I don’t think so, but having partner buy-in is def important. Actors that do sex scenes or models that take nude photos/videos aren’t generally considered cheaters for doing so, but doing it in secret might be a breach of trust.
Yeah, if your partner did it behind your back for whatever reason and you found out about it I would say that that is an offense worthy of possibly ending the relationship over.
I wouldn't call it cheating, but I would call it a breach of the trust in the relationship.
If my girlfriend didn't trust me enough to tell me that she's wanting to do that then what else is she going to keep from me?
Maybe I'm not the right person for her if she feels like she can't tell that to me.
No but if your partner feels the need to hide this from you it's a good moment for reflection
No because I define cheating as sex with a non partner without the partner’s knowledge or permission.
But it still ain’t great and should absolutely be discussed with them. Hiding shit like that never works out and it will just damage or destroy trust when they find out.
You can emotionally cheat on people as much as physically cheat.
This depends entirely on what boundaries you have set in your relationship(s), and whether the person who is doing the sex work is open about it with the other partner(s)
Example 1: Relationship is established as monogamous, person is open about performing sex work and is not doing things behind their partner's back/trying to hide it, and both parties are satisfied that it falls within the boundaries they've set in their relationship - not cheating!
Example 2: Relationship is established as polyamorous, people involved have several partners and metamours. Person doing the sex work is not open with one or more of their partners about it, tries to hide it or do it behind people's backs, or does so despite it being outside of the boundaries set with one or more of their partners - cheating!
As with the vast majority of things in this vein, it's all about the individuals involved.
It's definitely not cheating, but it still may upset your partner. I'd discuss it with them if I were you.
Personally, I don't consider it cheating but I would be just as pissed off as if it were, so the difference doesn't really matter.
As others said, you probably want to talk thay with your partner.
Not cheating, but without her knowledge or permission it just kind of makes you a piece of shit
No but also I'm poly so my boundaries on what is cheating are way different from most the population
Whose nudes? Yours or your partners?
Your own
You're selling my nudes?!
You really ought to close that bedroom window at night
It’s not cheating, especially if it’s anonymous. More like the same lines of watching porn, just a more personal version.
If you were sending them to someone for some other reason it would be closer to cheating.
No
Whose nudes?
Not "cheating" per se, but still bad.
this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
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