398
Anon institutes the draft (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 4 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
44 comments fedilink hide all child comments
top 44 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 55 points 4 days ago

At first i wondered how shitty the parachute must've been, but then I remembered that I had dwarf hamsters as a kid, not normal ones.

Also for some reason my mom made the mistake of getting a boy and a girl and they did exactly what you'd think. Except that the cage was too small for that many critters and the momma started eating the babies out of stress....

[-] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 17 points 4 days ago

...

Oh! The hamster mom. Not your mom.

Ok, that's a bit less horrifying.

[-] cantstopthesignal@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 days ago

We had one pet rat then my mom let me get another one of the opposite sex. Anyways we had really bad rat infestation before we sold that house.

[-] tetris11@feddit.uk 10 points 4 days ago

I had that parachute action man, and I remember chucking him down a flight of stairs. Shitty, shitty parachute. The doll itself was surprisingly well made (I guess it was drop tested a lot during production?) but weighed a ton and the parachute was hilariously too small for it

[-] some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

Yeah rodents have interesting behavior like that. They have absolutely no qualms eating a friend or their own offspring if they need the resources.

I once had two mice. The next morning, I still had two mice, but one of them was missing its head.

[-] Alfredolin@sopuli.xyz 9 points 4 days ago

😳

[-] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 days ago

Dont worry she didnt eat all of them! I think we had like 3 or 4 generations of inbred hamsters before we finally got a second cage and segregated them.

.... as an adult i am staunchly against any "pet" that has to be kept in a cage or enclosure.

[-] TootSweet@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I witnessed the other side of that phenomenon. The babies ate the mom.

[-] RamenJunkie@midwest.social 1 points 4 days ago

This happened when my brother and I got mice. He got a mouse, I decided I wanted a mouse. We forgot to check the gender...

[-] MapleFawn 63 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Pretty sure the Hamster would be fine, didn’t Kurzgesagt have a video on this kinda stuff where they tossed a mouse of a skyscraper but due to the mass and size of the mouse it doesn’t reach a speed in which it dies on impact?

[-] jrs100000@lemmy.world 65 points 4 days ago

You can drop a mouse down a mineshaft and it can survive the landing, but a skyscraper has cross winds, which could easily get it moving laterally too fast to survive. A hamster is considerably larger than a mouse though, and just because a mouse could survive doesnt mean a hamster would.

[-] Kazumara@discuss.tchncs.de 41 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Hamsters are way heavier, around 150g, unless we're talking pups or dwarf breeds. That's around 6 - 10 times the weight of a mouse.

And they are a more compact shape with stubby legs and tails, which I imagine has negative implications for terminal velocity.

[-] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 days ago

Size comparison:

[-] speakupattheback@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

There's only one way to settle this

[-] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 21 points 4 days ago

Hamsters will die from looking at them wrong. I also know three childhood friends who had hamsters that died from it just walking off the bed

They are very fragile

[-] Johanno@feddit.org 26 points 4 days ago

Our hamster died from a 50 cm fall. I don't think they are as durable as mice

[-] wopalopa@lemmy.world 21 points 4 days ago

i had a hamster when i was a kid it was put inside a glass aquarium. my lil bro took it to our granma house couple blocks away. idk how but he lost his grip and fell to the ground. the tank glass shattered and the hamster died on the spot. im sure its not a height thing and more of a shock and stress thing

[-] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 13 points 4 days ago

The US military has been collecting all the munitions grade hamster due to a shortage of depleted uranium.

[-] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

A wise man once said:

You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mine shaft; and, on arriving at the bottom, it gets a slight shock and walks away, provided that the ground is fairly soft. A rat is killed, a man is broken, a horse splashes

[-] Darkenfolk@sh.itjust.works 7 points 4 days ago

From what I've seen on the internet hamsters need to be on a 24/7 suicide watch, even without retard kids throwing them from buildings.

[-] Honytawk@feddit.nl 3 points 4 days ago

Mark Rober's squirrel videos also talked about it a lot.

[-] B0rax@feddit.org 30 points 4 days ago

Kids shouldn’t have rodents as pets.

And I had one as a kid…

[-] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 4 days ago

Rats are great kid pets. But as any pet should be primarily be taken care off by adults, not the kids themselves

[-] BlaestEgnen@feddit.dk 1 points 3 days ago

We caught the mouse on our attic, by luring them into a moveable plastic bath tub. Then we apparently overfed them, so most of them ended up dieing because they got stuck in the toys, which mainly was cardboard rolls from paper towel

[-] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

This comment section is a trip.

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 16 points 4 days ago

Anon has either never owned a hamster or did own a hamster and is a psychopath that had no issues with animal abuse.

[-] Sonotsugipaa@lemmy.dbzer0.com 49 points 4 days ago

It is also possible that the fictional 9yo anon didn't have a firm grasp on physics, the wisdom not to endanger an animal for their own entertainment, nor the awareness that they didn't understand how actual parachutes work

(couldn't be me, at that age I had a drivers license, a stable job and the ability to vote)

The dad on the other hand...

[-] yakko@feddit.uk 17 points 4 days ago

Only thing the dad did wrong is set a bad example by getting caught laughing. Don't they say comedy is tragedy sped up?

[-] Sonotsugipaa@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 4 days ago

Personally I wouldn't immediately lmao if I learned that my child had killed an animal hours prior, but yeah, I wouldn't go as far as accusing him of being a psychopath either

[-] yakko@feddit.uk 9 points 4 days ago

It'd be highly context sensitive for me. I had a horrific hamster accident as a kid myself, so I might laugh out of pure unprocessed trauma.

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

or with distance. like slipping in the mud, that's a tragedy. now tripping someone and seeing them slip in the mud, that's comedy gold.

[-] yakko@feddit.uk 3 points 4 days ago

Exactly. It's very human to find mirth in any misfortune that we have no emotional connection to.

[-] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 days ago

Nope, straight to jail

[-] jaybone@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 days ago

This is how they get the voter fraud statistics.

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

You're skipping the first part of my statement. I can tell you didn't own an hamster either.

Lets say the hamster successfully parachuted down safely to the ground outside of a 4 story building. Hamsters can run quickly and squeeze into impossibly small places. There is a good chance the hamster, now unattended, would run away and escape. Hamster owners know this.

Here's a perfect example from a random youtube search. Hamster running away outside. 7 second. Thats how long it took for the unattended hamster to disappear into the underbrush. In this clip the owner was right there and able to recapture the hamster. A 9 year old would not be able to traverse 4 flights of stairs in under 10 seconds.

A 9 year hamster owner knows this too.

[-] Sonotsugipaa@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I did own a hamster, when I was 6 years old.
I also didn't know shit, because I was 6 years old,
and I don't know about the challenges of chasing a hamster (which has something to do with yeeting it out of the window, somehow?) because I didn't yeet a hamster out of the window,
and even if I did I wouldn't remember it well because I was 6 years old.

What kind of child were you at either of those ages, sheldon_cooper@lemmy.world?

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

I did own a hamster, when I was 6 years old.

I didn't get my first hamster until I was 8. Anon apparently has one at 9.

I also didn’t know shit, because I was 6 years old,

Sure, but we're talking about a kid 50% older than 6 years old. There's a lot of cognitive growth between those 3 years. I don't think you'd say you were as stupid at 9 as you were at 6 are you?

and I don’t know about the challenges of chasing a hamster (which has something to do with yeeting it out of the window, somehow?)

I don't know why I have to walk you through this, but okay: If anon at 9 assumed that the hamster would safely parachute down to the ground 4 stories down, then the moment that hamster was unguarded, it would bolt. A 9 year old that has ever taken their hamster outside knows this. A 9 year old typically doesn't want to lose their pet. So this was why I said that anon never had a hamster (as in this post is fake).

and even if I did I wouldn’t remember it well because I was 6 years old.

You don't remember anything from when you were 9 years old (as Anon was)? Are you saying if you had a pet at 9 you have no memory of it today? That...wouldn't be normal.

[-] Djehngo@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago

Given that it's not uncommon for kids to injure themselves jumping from high places using a sheet as a parachute, I don't think we need to be assuming malice here.

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

9 year old hamster owners know that unattended hamster outside run away in seconds.

[-] Object@sh.itjust.works 23 points 4 days ago

Mf that's a 9 years old

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

9 year old hamster owners know that unattended hamster outside run away in seconds.

[-] Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it 12 points 4 days ago

It was a 9yrs old dude...

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

9 year old hamster owners know that unattended hamster outside run away in seconds.

this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2026
398 points (100.0% liked)

Greentext

8578 readers
342 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works