My husband got tired of being the only planner and stopped, and his friend group basically disintegrated. He came to regret it later realizing, yes, someone has to take the lead or things don't happen.
I don't see why that was so regretful of him to stop if he got burnt out from continuing. I would rather be disappointed that no one else was interested in at least rotating the burden; even just one other person alternating can make a huge difference. With that said, I wonder if he asked anyone.
Yep, same
Oh my goodness, THIS, a million percent!! Also, you have to be ok with the event you plan being the reward in itself for you, because if you expect people to thank you... you're going to have a bad time. On top of that, you have to be ok with people expecting you to do it forever from that moment on. Basically, you're going to have to be quite emotionally and mentally robust to enjoy the experience 🤣
Step 1: Become the planner.
Step 2: Tell every one that the plan is cancelled.
Step 3: Enjoy your time alone at home, watching a film or show you've already watched 100 times, while drinking cola with potato chips.
I gotta find a community that has more social people than anti-socisl. It's kind of exhausting reading so much of this.
Mastodon is a bit better in that regard, but often the memes on Lemmy are just too 🔥
This is a great way to end up with no friends lol
Downvoting me doesn't make it less true
book the airbnb
I'd rather be lonely than give this garbage company a single cent of my money.
They rent out Palestinian homes in the West Bank that were stolen by Zionist settler terrorists.
Fuck AirBnB
I feel that deep in my bones.
Way back in late December of 2006, I got invited to a community meetup for a forum that I was active in. It was in the north of Germany, about 600 km away from where I live but I had already met a few people in person, so I went. We were about 60 people, anywhere from age 13 to 30 sharing a rented location for a week, building RPG Maker games, playing TTRPGs and Wii Sports, cooking for ourselves and celebrating the new year.
Since then, I've been there at the same location, every time that event was held. Usually twice a year, except during COVID. People came and went. The original organizers resigned after the winter 2010/11 event because it had become too much work for them. A new team took over and in 2015 I was made part of that team. First as just one of many, then as second in command and eventually when the team lead left in 2019, I took his place.
The community has shrunk over time, many members are not active anymore because of their jobs, partners or children but I'm still holding on. Every summer and every winter, I take a train across my home country to give the 20-30 remaining guests a week where we can feel young and forget what happens in the outside world. In addition to that, I started an event closer to where I live. Kind of a woodlands retreat for 10-20 people over a long weekend in spring.
The team has shrunk to just my SO and me. I've been looking for someone who can help us or take over for us in case we can't make it. So far, I have found nobody. It is a hard and thankless job but I know if I give up I might never see some of my friends again, so I'm holding on as long as I can. As long as we are enough people to pay the rent for a location that has become a second home for most of us. I have sworn to make it at least to my 20th anniversary this coming winter, even if I have to pay everything out of my own pocket. After that, we'll see. I'm still hoping for a return of the old guard or an influx of new guests and maybe one of them is interested in learning how to do what I'm doing.
To keep the advertising out of the main comment: the next event is during the last week of July, signups are open. We've gotten older (current core group is late 20s to mid 40s) but we still spend our time playing (and sometimes making) games, cooking and just hanging out. If you think that would be something for you and you have a way to come to the north of Germany, hit me up. Most guests are German native speakers but we've had international guests and almost everyone is comfortable switching to English if needed.
Hey I’m curious for more details
Cool! I'll send you a DM.
I really felt your comment. I hope you're able to recruit some people. Have you reached out to the German instance? Also, if you play online multiplayer games, and you're open to the idea, I'm sure a ton of people here would love a solid gaming group to connect with even if they couldn't be there physically. Understandably though, it could be outside the constraints of how your group plays
Some people I know exclusively online but we've played many games together and they're some of my longest lasting relationships
Yeah, book airbnb, buy tickets and then watch people casually forget to pay you back.
Those are not friends.
Except everyone is like that. If you will insist on only hanging out with people that that take part in organizing, are on time, pay their debts promptly and actually have time to go out you will be handing out alone.
This is false.
If it's different for you, you're very lucky. Enjoy.
A regularly scheduled event is imo the best solution. Just have something on one night per month, everyone knows when it is, if they can't make it no big deal there's always next month. No need to continuously be organising something new.
Introverts need more casual interactions, the walk or bike to work/school, with a stop at the local park or coffee shop
coffee shops are where it's at
Maybe it is me but I've never been sitting in a coffee shop and seen anyone who wanted to be talked to. Headphones, laptops, doom scrolling.
Probably me, though.
Obligatory, FUCK AIRBNB!
oh sure thanks, let me get my gold lined cheque book and start making reservations this second!
Well yeah that post is bougie af, you could just invite people over lol
I live in a single room in a basement.
i was living in a shed when i made that comment 7 hours ago. just picked up keys to an actual apartment today. hoping the best for your situation, i know its not easy.
Thanks it's honestly not too bad. Just no good for hosting social events.
Congrats on the apartment.
The downside of this is when people flake or aren't sure about future plans. You're stuck with the bill.
then no one comes
Never ever book an airbnb
When i inv people to things they don't come
You have the planner and the nucleus. The nucleus is the person that everyone wants to hang out with, usually an extrovert with no planning skills. The planner and the nucleus are natural allies because they meet eachother's needs. So figure out who the nucleus of your group is, be good buds, and plan things out with them first so you know they can make it before you send out the invite.
Then when you send out the invite they'll reply all to say they're coming and everyone else will come. Some groups have multiple nuclei so that's a thing too.
Planner nucleus followers arrangement might make you feel unloved as the planner.... But it's just normal human social structures. Even Nazis had the same setup with Hitler and Goebel, Trump and Miller. Any group you look at has this structure! Secretly without the planner nobody gets to hang out at all so they're the real OG imo. A group with only nucleus-followers is a bunch of people who rarely meet and say "we should do this more often" and then don't.
I got lucky, our extrovert also has planning skills... Mostly, but good enough that a few of the rest of us can supplement on the details that get missed
A smaller version of this is when you go to a theme park with a group of friends. Everyone wants to "stay together," but everyone also wants to ride a specific ride. A long time ago, a friend taught me to just start walking to a next ride. People can come along or not. They usually do, though, while still debating which ride we should do next. If someone asks me where I'm going, I just smile and say, "to the next ride." I go to theme parks to ride roller coasters (and the viking ship, but ONLY if it goes all the way around), not to talk about which roller coasters to ride. It's not a mix tape - the order doesn't really matter. We'll get to them all multiple times. It's why we usually go on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
Basically, if you want to do something with your friends, do it. Invite them, but take the lead and do it. They can come along or not. Their choice. If you ask if people want to do something, they'll all say sure, but planning will get messy fast. Plan it far enough in advance, give them a date and a deadline (for things like deposits), and people can usually move things around if they really want to be there. If they miss the deadline/date, too bad. Maybe next time.
On that note, if you love rollercoasters, go alone. Then you can ride or do whatever the fuck you want when you want. Take the single rider line without worrying about the group being split up. Buy a fast lane pass without worrying about whether everyone else wants to spend that money or would rather spend more time in lines. Eat wherever you want when you are hungry. Show up when you feel like it then leave when you're bored or close.
I was the planner for my friend group for the better part of a decade, and then I moved to a different country.
I'm still the planner for my biweekly Zoom call with my besties, which is going strong.
The other friends pretty rarely get together now. I told them someone had to take up the mantle, but nobody did.
2meirl4meirl
Neat AirBnB ad
I'm the planner for my friend group (maybe the secondary planner) and my wife is the planner for most of her friends. We just had a baby and now we can plan less so we have less events to go to.
This week, I planned a 4p game night, got several people to respond affirmatively on it. No one showed up.
Some people are just so brain-empty they can’t associate words to meaning. They just respond in expectation, assuming they should say “Yeah, I’ll be there!” and then perform no follow up with travel planning or calendar entries. That is how dumb this generation is.
Flaky people have always been flaky it's not a generational thing.
You were planning the event. Did you perform any follow up?
...fuh ... rinds? ...free unds?? What is that word? Oh, the TV show? What is this?
Thankfully I hate all of that shit
If I have the spoons and money, I like to just host an outing for my friends. Plan it, pay for everything and drive. It's sweet to provide an experience that might not have happened without the effort.
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