Ever since I was a kid, I knew I had a non-zero chance of getting cancer when I was middle-aged and die.

Popped that tumor out of me right when it was turning Stage 2.

Uh, 12. I wasnt in such a great place mentally and socially as a kid

If you asked teen me how long I'd think I'd love, I'd probably say till my mid-late 20s then kill myself. I kind of just let life take the wheel after high school cause I figured putting in time and effort with further schooling was a waste of time and money. So I worked retail....for 11 years.....at the same job with no promotions. Now I'm almost 31 working at a slaughterhouse with diagnosed anxiety problems on top of epilepsy and possible autism. My therapist is helping me get in a better mindset, but I don't know if I could ever see myself doing any schooling.

27 was supposed to be the big year I get my peace. Thematically appropriate and seeing I was born just day after Cobain died, literally, seemed perfect in almost all ways I could imagine.

As fate would have it, the younger me found themselves in a temporarily good place and life situation back then, and that plan, long planned and honed well, got scrapped in that momentary distortion of perspective. Having been clinically depressed for over a decade back then, in hindsight, it just seems so ridiculous to have dismissed all that so readily…

Oh the naivety and pure innocent energy of being young like that. And I’m not that much older anyway now, although the lens through which life opens to me has changed dramatically since.

Fucked up big time. Hasn’t felt the same ever since. That, there, was the time to do it if I ever was to do it. Now it all feels mundane in comparison and almost just undeserved too.

Imagine being born a day after Cobain died, then after exactly 27 years, die that very same day, turning exactly 27 years old then and there.

That just seemed so perfect.

Every year I’m alive shocks me, I turn 40 in a few months.

I was born with cystic fibrosis at a time people with CF didn’t make it to 18, I was “middle aged” at 6. Then at 28 I died, was given new lungs and I’m now a new creation. Every year I’m shocked to still be here. I know it’s borrowed time but I’ll take all I can get.

Every age. I've been depressed since childhood and the thought of "I might die tomorrow" has been in my head for a very long time. I never related to the idea that teenagers feel "invincible." A girl I used to be friends with died when I was in high school, from leukemia, then a close friend died at 22 from a cocaine overdose. More deaths followed over the years, and every birthday I'm like, "Wtf, how am I still here?"

I keep thinking I'll die sooner rather than later, but somehow I keep surviving. I don't even know why, especially now that I truly don't see how anything about my life or the world at large can possibly get better. Things suck far more than I expected them to and there's very little joy to find anymore. Something about the last few years broke the part of me that gives a fuck and it would take a mighty change in society for it to recover.

Oh yeah, and the co-pays from the psych office are too expensive for me to keep up. This is me while still on my anti-depressants (which were reduced because apparently there's been some change to the rules/laws since I was first given an effective dose of the med, so I'm stuck on 2/3 of what actually helps me.) I might have to stop altogether because I can't fucking afford an extra $200 a month.

I don't plan on dying because I don't think y'all have the balls to do what's necessary and take me out.

Honestly didn't see me getting past 25. And I wasn't helping myself by being apathetic about my life. walking across streets without looking, driving recklessly, or taking incredibly stupid dares. Ironically I realized I was trans at 25 so I guess a version of me did die there

There was a hot few months where I didn't think I'd hit 15. I'd planned the suicide for the day prior. Shit happened, I got rushed, and it didn't work. Now? I don't think I have a definite age, just the criteria that I need to still be able to have fun and wipe my own ass.

Well I knew I wouldn't because I planned on committing suicide. I have type 1 diabetes (since 9) so before I started having problems I would just not have to deal with it.

Unfortunately or fortunately I met my wife at 32 who had a 5 year old and now I'd feel bad doing it. At 42 I've had 2 heart attacks 3 stints and I'm stage 5 kidney failure on dialysis. All from being diabetic, controlled blood sugars my entire life, worked out 3 days a week, don't drink or smoke (never have). I'm just "lucky". I'm on the list to get a new kidney and pancreas at the start of 2027, but we'll see what happens. I've already made my peace so I just live one day at a time. Had a seizure and was intubated for 24 hours, for no reason doctors tell me about 3 months ago.

So yeah the plan was 35 and be done. Then this amazing woman messed it up.

Personally I think 24. I joined the Marines right out of high-school. Signed up for infantry. Shit happened and didn't get to stay in. Glad I didn't die fighting for this country.

My partner tried to kill her self when she was like 14-15 yrs old. Took bunch of sleeping pills. She's 27 now. I'm so happy she's still here.

30. I'd planned on being dead by then since I was a teenager, thanks depression. That was a weird birthday.

I don't know if I ever thought I'd die young or something but I certainly didn't expect to make it this far nor really do I know what I'm doing. I never thought about being an adult. It never occurred to me that it was going to happen. My parents never prepared me to be an adult so I didn't and don't know what to expect.

Good side effect is that I'm reasonably true to my weird-ass self which is rather freeing.

Every year I'm still alive is a shock to me.

The age I am today (mid 30s). I've been dealing with depression basically my whole life, and while I've never been actively suicidal, I never really had a knack for planning years into the future because I figured for some reason or another I wouldn't be here, so what was the point? I'm doing a little better; these days my mentality is more "I've made it this far, might as well continue." I give myself little things to look forward to.

It's kind of funny to me that this question popped up, because my best friend and I were talking about this just last night lol.

18, I had plans in place just needed to get some things in order, then my older brother killed himself, a few years later another brother killed himself so now plans are pushed back and I'm really trying to figure things out. Life happened, got married had a child. Had to keep shit together, new plan in place wife and child will be ok so time to go at 40.youngest brother commits suicide 2 weeks before my 40th birthday. I ended up getting diagnosed as bipolar at 40, and autistic at 50, life makes a lot more sense now but fuck if it hasn't been a ride.

/14. Sex ed in school started properly when I was 13, I spent most if it trying to look nonchalant, and after the lesson on STDs I convinced myself I had aids.

Even then I was to ashamed to talk to anyone about it, so I just kept all that bottled up inside me, which wasn't healthy at all

30s due to combination lifelong poor health and depression.

I've gotten hurt ... Like, a lot. Most of my friends told me they didn't expect me to make it to thirty.

I'm currently 38 and, so far as I can tell, alive.

I'll live to my late seventies or early eighties, lose my prostate at around 52 after a cancer diagnosis, and die of complications from type II diabetes or heart disease (the heart disease is from being a fatass).

Source: every other man in my family

As a consummate pessimist, every new day is a surprise for me.

I've very nearly been killed enough times that I genuinely sometimes wonder during occasional beautiful moments if I actually did die years ago, or last time I had full anesthetic. A few times a year, usually.

This doesn't help answer your question. But your question could be much worse in terms of self-mind fuckery. Don't be like me. Unless I'm in purgatory imagining Lemmy as a way to burn off karma.

Didn't think I could make it past late 20s. I just couldn't picture myself past then. That was due to depression - I was convinced my future was bleak. Things are better now.