How strict is your sexual harassment policy?

Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was "what's the pay" and second "how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that".

They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.

As you can clearly see I'm white and male. When do I start?

“I have AuDHD.”

This reminded me of:

I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.

Ok???

It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.

Tell them they can't afford me

"I like you guys. You're cool. All my other bosses were asshats."

• I only push to master
• I only deploy to prod on Fridays
• I am not available on the weekends

"Hi, I don't want this job, I'm just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits."

I don't know exactly, I'll just be myself.

“I’m a single parent, so it’s hard to work overtime without notice.”

Dodge the handshake and go right in for the French kiss.

Pants go down to ankles

Underwear go down to ankles

And then the helicopter starts up

leans in close to the interviewer

“That’s where that smell was coming from.”

Tell the truth. Corporate drones hate that more than anything.

"Workers of the world, Unite!"

brandishes a hammer and sickle

(Legal Disclaimer: I'm not a communist, I just think this scene would look so funny)

First, can you sign this form for my unemployment job search? Thanks bye.

As soon as it begins, I'll put on that one rubber horse mask that's been a meme on and off for the last 20 or more years.

That in itself might be enough.

If not I may be forced to make horse noises. There's actually a sound that's called "blowing" I think is perfect for the situation, so I could technically "blow" the interview and still get the job if they're sufficiently unhinged.

Were it not for the potential for criminal damage, I would also stand abruptly before making the noise and then, with suitable timing, violently kick the chair backwards.

I think that could all fit nicely within 30 seconds.

Or, you know, I could just tell them the truth that my mental state is incredibly fragile and the tiniest amount of work stress or office politics is going to be detrimental to both myself and the company in very short order and that I should not have been sent there in the first place... but where's the fun in that?

I guess as the applicant, turn around and leave?

As the interviewer, also leave

Ask to clarify if it's really a blow job interview like I thought I read.

Don't break eye contact during the entire interview and refuse to speak. Write all your answers on paper and slide them to the interviewer upside down.

I'll pick up a chair and throw it out of the window, start screaming "fuck you!" at everyone in earshot, and then whip out my dick and start pissing all over the place.

If they still hire me after that, I will work there until I retire.

Pick my nose and wipe it on the interviewer's desk, and acknowledge nothing.

Pull out a joint and start smoking it and ask if they want a hit

Fart into an airzooka and shoot the fart at the interviewers.

Shit on the table, then yell at them to clean it up.

Go for the hand shake and then pull a Hitler salute.

I actually did this. Maybe not within thirty seconds or so, but I was applying for a higher level position (above my current classification) at a collections agency. Was kind of sick of the grind but others thought I should be promoted, but interview was required first. I basically told them over and over that if they paid me the right salary I'd do the job. They were not impressed, and my then manager had a few words for me the next day. Oh to be young and not having a care in the world. I also knew I had a different career path in mind, so I wasn't interested in staying either.

Whatever I've been doing for the past year, apparently.

"Before I answer any questions, tell me about the real pay package, bonus structure, vacation and sick days and promotions schedule. I also have to warn you in advance that I have flight booked to Barbados next month so we can count that as a signing bonus."

"Hey, were you at that BDSM orgy the other night?"

Start by asking how many paid days off and what is the drinking policy on the job

I'd like to disclose my disability from my time in federal prison.

First few ideas: Talk about how I'm not really big on the whole "working hard" thing, immediately bring up and start ranting about weird political ideas, "I'm worth X, take it or leave it"