Short people will not go to heaven.

Well, obviously. They can't reach.

Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!

Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.

Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven

you can't climb the ladder to heaven if you're short since the rungs are too far apart

When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I'd be in prison soon enough. So far I've managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I've got a plan for this to prove her right. When I'm about to go bye bye , I'm going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I'm might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.

What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?

lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.

Heaven is boring as Hell

Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?

Sorry kids.

Do you think the pearly gates have one of those "You must be THIS high to ride" signs outside?

What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you're on a wheelchair type shit

tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven

You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.

short people cannot reach heaven. Without a stepstool

AI doesnt appear to have gotten to the Old Testament yet.

I know that Grok went Nazi but Gemini going fundie wasn't on my bingo card.

tfw you've tried to be a good lad, prosocial and overall kind to your fellow man, but God made you 1.70m

;_;

Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.

"Fuck short people" - Randy Newman