Imagine going to school for years and years. You have your doctorate. You're in the field for 10 years. You work in field that is 93% male. You find a new job, good pay and reputable. The boss on the daily explains things to you. Some things that are just basic science and not even directly applicable to your work. No other new hires get these interesting and informative chats but what a coincidence, all the other new hires are men. I never called it "mansplaining," it's just sexism. One cute word doesn't capture the malice that is often behind it and makes men who view themselves as harmless defensive. Of course there is pointing out systemic sexism that is ingrained in natural behavior but its important to note the difference in a simple conversation and singling out a woman to explain something while assuming she doesn't have anything in that pretty little head of hers. Personally hence, I've noticed it used most often when the woman you're targeting is smarter than you and this is a subtle power play to remind her of her place.

Infodumping male here, I generally do it because in my mind context is important to make sense, and of course I do it regardless of gender. It honestly feels like a detriment, as I feel myself taking too long, but don't really know how to shorten it. I do it when explaining issues at work or when talking about stuff I like etc, but have audio has times where I tried to be brief then got the wrong info across or forgot to mention something important or just right make sense. It's like I can't find the right balance between explaining and dumping.

I didn't find this post as an insult or anything though.

I had a woman at a car service counter take in my car once. She was dressed nicely and clean so of course I assumed she only did paperwork.

I treated her like a human. Explained my car symptoms and where I think the problem is. (Car electric went nuts and lost power steering when i hit a puddle.)

Holy crap she knew her stuff. I mentioned it felt like the alternator wasnt performing right and undervolting, but since it's only when driving threw a puddle it had to be a component siezing and pulling on the accessory belt. She agreed that's a good place to start and ran through all the bits in that system as well as thier diagnostic steps planned.

I figured she knew about cars but it felt like she was a full on mechanic and was the manager dressed up.

Exactly, when I tell my therapist about the funny things I learned about psychology, it's just me saying stuff that I know now, how I think it's cool, and asking for further information. I'm well aware that he already knows far more on the topic. If you're explaining it with a tone of "you fucking idiot woman, I'm educating you", then that's mansplaining. Another important possibility, is just phrasing a question as a statement for clarification. Think of how a waiter will repeat your order back to you at a restaraunt. I do the same thing when I learn about a new concept. I repeat back what I think I understood about something to make sure I got it right. Tone is very important. If I don't sound like I'm trying to be a dick to you, then I'm probably not.

Yeah the intention is far easier to sus out when it's in person, especially with a known person. I'm a woman and I have ADHD and I do this to my husband all the time.

My partner has taught/trained me to ask "would you like to hear more?" before I info-dump on him.

Example: Me: "at work today I've been playing around with configuration settings for Primo VE, specifically the search scopes... Um... would you like to hear more?"

Response: "I'm glad you have an interesting problem at work and no, no thank you."

This isn't a you problem. You haven't been mansplaining. This is gender war shenanigans and people being sexist towards men in the name of feminism. Gender in western society is honestly cooked at this point.

That's always been my issue with this whole mansplaining shit. Like yeah, it is a real thing that exists, but it very quickly just morphed into "a man (whom I didn't want to talk to me) told me something" most of the time.

How many “Men” are just ND?

None. Men are cool to hate, get with the program.

Nah, some people might get offended right from the get go if you start talking about the basics with them, but it's only a problem if you continue to insist that you know better than them once it becomes clear they have an understanding of the topic. Like, if you're excited to talk about dinosaurs and the person you're talking to is a paleontologist, but you pivot to talking about deeper aspects of the topic once you realize, you're all good! Even better if you start asking them questions to learn from their expertise.

On the other hand, if you realize that they are a paleontologist and completely disregard that, insisting to them that you actually know more than them, or continue trying to explain base concepts, then yeah, you're a jerk.

Gender wars stuff is the worst. I would be in favour of it being banned.

Bingo, every fucking time. I'm literally just sharing whats in my head. You know, trying to communicate like a fucking person? Sorry you took that as me thinking you were stupid. Because now i definitely think you're stupid.

As someone with friends and family on the spectrum, my best tip:

Take a moment to breathe when you've completed a thought related to what you're explaining, and look at the other person to see if they have information to share, questions, or just to express what they know.

This helped a few folks pace themselves, and the break for others they believe helped in not appearing condescending.

Hope this helps!

They're good dogs, Brent.

I would, of course, mistake the condescension for genuine and sincere interest. I have found a nerd buddy. Once I'm done dumping, you can dump on me. This is so cool.

Oh wait... You're being mean. How heart breaking. I'll go climb into my little dark hole.

In my experience, nobody has any problem with you sharing your knowledge with them if (1) you're an actual expert (and not just an "armchair expert", (2) they actually want or need someone to tell them the information they're looking for, and (3) you express it courteously and kindly.

In pretty much any case, you're not likely to ever get good results if #2 isn't true. Maybe they want to figure it out themselves. Maybe they don't actually care. Maybe they're making a joke that people who really are experts would get!

Even if you don't have #1, you can get a long way with #3 (especially if you frame it as you're a fellow learner sharing what you've gleaned so far, such as by giving them info and asking for something in return—"oh, I found out that you can do X and it works really well, but I could never figure out Y, how'd you do that?!").