585
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 189 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

The way this kind of animal murder is normalized for drivers is beyond disturbing. Imagine a cyclist who came upon some birds blocking the cycle path, pulled out a pocket knife, and started stabbing them so they could get through 20 seconds faster.

It's the same psychopathic "might makes right" mentality that makes people turn a blind eye to the needless, systemic, unfathomable horrors of animal agriculture.

[-] Fondots@lemmy.world 41 points 5 months ago

I have a Belgian Malinois, which, if you're not aware, is basicallythe breed of dog used by military and police that aren't German Shepherds. They are absolute maniacs of dogs, full of all kinds of prey drive and herding instincts and such that have long-since been bred out of your average family pet.

So for a while when I still had a Facebook I followed a couple of Malinois pages to help me better understand what was going on in my dog's head.

Now some malinois owners are great, they understand the reasons why their dogs are the way they are and understand how to manage them properly.

Others are absolute assholes who just wanted the really cool supersoldier dog that can run up walls and eat bad guys, and don't really do anything to channel that energy properly

I remember one post in particular of some guy's dog "playing" with a turtle, picking it up, throwing it around, etc.

I'm a dog owner, I've at times dabbled in hunting, I'm an environmentalist and conservationist, I know what sort of laws are out there and what is and isn't allowed. And people are stupid and make entirely too much information about themselves available online.

So I could see from this guy's profile what state (and in fact what city he was in, what high school he went to what company he works for, etc.)

And I could easily Google what the laws in that state are

And lol and behold, allowing your dog to harass wildlife is not allowed in that state. There were fines, potentially prison time, the officials could even take your dog and have them destroyed over this. I think it might have even been legal, maybe even encouraged, in that state for anyone witnessing this happening to just shoot your dog on the spot.

I of course wasn't about to report this guy over this, I didn't want his dog put down or anything, I just wanted him to be a better, more responsible dog owner, so I pointed this out in the comments, that were, up until that point, mostly just other assholes jerking each other off over how cool malinois are.

He, of course, quickly took the past down after that.

But not before a whole bunch of people got really pissy about me looking at his profile (to see the information about himself that he made publicly available I guess?) and taking the time to Google the relevant laws in his state so that I could point out exactly why what he was doing wasn't just morally wrong but actually illegal.

There were disturbingly few people commenting on that post who were simply angry that this jackass was letting his dog fuck with a turtle.

As an aside, my dog is a rare "lazy" malinois. She's still more energetic and driven than pretty much any other dog I've ever met, there's a part of her that definitely wants to eat someone's face, but she's content to sleep on the couch all day instead. She definitely would chase some rabbits, deer, foxes, squirrels, etc. given the chance (I don't give her the chance,) and she's never seen a turtle, but she seems to like just sniffing and occasionally licking frogs and toads (I try not to let her, but she occasionally finds them before I do on our walks, the amphibians seem mildly annoyed by this, but not enough to hop away from her, and I make sure to get her away from them ASAP so that they can continue frogging undisturbed.)

Your dog is chill because of the regular frog licking, having achieved inner dog balance through psychedelics lol

[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago

Am I allowed to steal "lol and behold"? I want this to become a thing.

[-] Fondots@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

By all means, please capitalize on my typo. It's got a nice ring to it.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 18 points 5 months ago

I got the feeling from the article that the impatient driver didn't kill the chicken on purpose but rather accidentally, but the article doesn't really give enough info about that

[-] GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml 11 points 5 months ago

Framing things as accidents exonerate the type of neglect that has lethal consequences. It's time to retire the term in the context of traffic violence.

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 18 points 5 months ago

We dont know the whole story. The second driver might not have seen the chicken until it was too late. Nothing in the story indicates that the second driver purposely hit the chicken, but bear mace in an enclosed environment is no joke and can lead to permanent damage. Nothing about this story is "right".

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] altkey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Imagine a cyclist who came upon some birds blocking the cycle path, pulled out a pocket knife, and started stabbing them so they could get through 20 seconds faster.

Not to deny the overall message, but now I want to see a comic strip about that with an unhinged cyclist telling car-persons' arguments in the most weird way while trashing the poor bird with any next sentence.

CYCLIST: Let me tell you about a cycling efficiency. Keeping a speed doesn't consume as much energy as constantly speeding up and slowing down, as in the jam you've selfishly caused. When I'm hopping on a bike I expect to get from point A to point B in a set amount of time, on a speed aknowledged by the road signs if not a bit faster, as set by a road authority. The infrastructure built exclusively for my mode of transportation doesn't consider surprise deviations, and as a daily driver I should not care for them too. There are two types of obstacles, and I'm completely in my right to drive over those I couldn't predict or couldn't see in time as it's their own problem that unlike type 2 obstacle they haven't made themselves visible for me to react as it's their responsibility to do so. That is not an isolated instance I'm angry at, but a systemic issue that I shall double down on every occasion because giving them a step means they'd take a mile from us, cyclists, the cowboys on gears. Allowing you to jaywalk like that on my lane would mean losing the world I love and brought up to be in. You are a destroyer of the cycling civilization, and it's only you to blame for what's coming to you.

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 105 points 5 months ago

When I was a kid there was a turtle on a bridge, my mom stopped so I could move it off the bridge. Some asshole swerved to hit it while I was walking towards it. I picked up a rock and threw it at his car I was so mad.

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 36 points 5 months ago

That was Shredder.

[-] draughtcyclist@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

This is what people are missing here. She was stopped, he whipped around her and crushed the bird because he was an impatient dick. Fuck that guy.

Sorry to hear about the turtle. I've had the same thing happen to me while cycling. Maybe they all need bear mace.

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 60 points 5 months ago

i cannot put into words how much i despise people who don't see anything wrong with crushing animals with their car, it's so fucking gross and IMO should disqualify them from handling a heavy vehicle.

It's no different than shooting animals with a gun (proper or airsoft or whatever), which i think any sensible person would agree should bar you from owning guns.

[-] TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today 30 points 5 months ago

It's no different than shooting animals with a gun (proper or airsoft or whatever), which i think any sensible person would agree should bar you from owning guns.

I think there's quite a big difference between senselessly running over an animal and shooting one with a gun. I mean hunting for food and animal population control are kinda necessary in a lot of situations, while running over an animal isn't.

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 5 months ago

yeah i kinda obviously wasn't talking about hunting, but just shooting a possum or whatever because you think it's fun

load more comments (14 replies)
[-] MonkRome@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Not sure I agree with the second take. Anyone that eats meat should be ethically required to take an animals life they will eat at some point so they directly know what it means to eat meat. If someone is uncomfortable with the thought of taking an animals life, why are they eating meat and paying someone else to do their dirty work?

I eat meat, but probably not as much as most people. I have butchered livestock and hunted in the past, taking an animals life is not a pleasant thing to do.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[-] VerilyFemme 44 points 5 months ago

The chicken didn't cross the road, but still made it to the other side.

[-] jj4211@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

Ok, that wins best chicken crossing the road joke ever.

[-] AlecSadler 39 points 5 months ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] ijedi1234@sh.itjust.works 34 points 5 months ago

I have no tolerance for people that murder birds. I hope the bear mace hurt.

[-] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 31 points 5 months ago

Good! Those sre future serial killers!

[-] TuffNutzes@lemmy.world 30 points 5 months ago

20 years ago I was driving on a 50mph road and there was this group of about 20 birds drinking water around a large puddle right on the side of the road.

Something spooked them just in the moment that I was driving by them. In that split second, they all swarmed right in front of my vehicle smashed into the side and front. As I looked back in the mirror through the feathers floating in the air, I could see at least six or seven birds injured on the road behind me. It made me sick to my stomach and I still have this image in my head years later haunting me.

I can't imagine someone would do that on purpose.

[-] Xaphanos@lemmy.world 22 points 5 months ago

It wasn't your fault. You would have avoided it if you were able. Therefore it is not on your moral plate. Be at peace.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] dukatos@lemmy.zip 26 points 5 months ago

Deserved... It could be a child instead of chicken.

[-] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 28 points 5 months ago

in this case, this is especially relevant

The woman stopped to let the chicken cross the road, so there was clearly something happening and obviously some sort of reason that this person was stopped in the road, and the driver behind them sped around and hit the chicken. that 100% could have been a pet or infant or child instead

The woman who hit the chicken made the explicit decision to ignore the warnings that were evident, and still hit something. fucking abhorrent behaviour

[-] echodot@feddit.uk 11 points 5 months ago

Yeah you want to avoid hitting children if you can help it. They are really big and make a mess.

[-] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago

I was taught by my driving instructor to not try and avoid smaller animals because swerving or sudden breaking would be more likely to result in a major accident than simply plowing through it. Whereas larger animals medium sized dog for example could lead to a wider accident if you hit them.

[-] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 15 points 5 months ago

that's relevant on the highway, not residential neighbourhoods

[-] Soggy@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago

You should be aware enough of traffic around you to know if slamming the brakes on presents a significant hazard. (And if you can't react to an animal appearing in the road you're likely driving too fast for the visibility and conditions)

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[-] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 20 points 5 months ago

Why did that chicken want to cross the road?

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 21 points 5 months ago

Well we'll never know NOW!!!

[-] Grimtuck@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

There has been an inordinate amount of speculation though

[-] fraksken@infosec.pub 8 points 5 months ago

To get to the other side...

[-] FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 months ago

He’s truly on the other side now 😞

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 17 points 5 months ago

I was on her side until I read the article. She chased this person an unspecified distance in her car, blocked the chicken killer's car with her own, then attempted to open their car door, before settling on macing them.

Fuck that impatient chicken killer but you don’t get to do a road rage for some vigilante justice. This was just two psychopaths being brought together by circumstance.

[-] cdf12345@lemmy.zip 7 points 5 months ago

Nah, fuck that chicken killer FAFO

JURY NULLIFICATION

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 17 points 5 months ago

The driver was a first time Skyrim player

[-] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 9 points 5 months ago

AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF RIVERWOOD!

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] SabinStargem@lemmy.today 17 points 5 months ago

Sometimes, animals just don't understand how cars works. I was going to work one morning, and a jackrabbit was in my lane...it ran away, but in a way that would ensure it would get crushed if I sped up. It was only after about quarter of an mile that it decided to leave my lane...only to u-turn back into it.

THUMP

Sometimes, life is fleeting, without reason.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] corroded@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago

The biggest problem I have with what this woman did is that she used bear mace. Should have been a handgun, or even a machete, or perhaps a flamethrower.

[-] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

It took me coming to the comments to notice that the word in the headline was chicken, not children. I was about to go OFF about those cops.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 5 months ago

I don't think I would be a very impartial juror if I were on this case

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 months ago

Ngl, that would likely be me.

Not just because I like chickens, though that's a factor.

In my neighborhood, if you go the posted speed limit going one direction in the section that my house is on, you'd be going slow enough to be able to correct and not hit an animal. Going the other direction, as long as you don't slam the pedal down, it's the same.

So anyone hitting any critter with the possible exception of squirrels is 99.9~% likely to be doing something they shouldn't. I've gotten in altercations about it before because we have not just a lot of pets in the area, but kids. So some fucking moron is going to hear about out when they're showing exactly how fucking stupid they are.

But, I also happen to kinda know all the neighborhood chickens. Not necessarily on a first name, come her for petting basis, but I know which birds live where. Since I also have my own, and would gladly curb stomp any motherfucker that fucked with them, I would likely at least lay hands on a motherfucker for killing any of the neighborhood birds by being a moron. I'm old, but my tolerance for fuckery like that keeps getting lower as I age.

Accidents do happen, but some jackass trying to be all badass by speeding in a residential area can fuck right off and die. And yes, I'm talking about you, Robert, you absolute prat. Jackass. Done told you once. Fuckwit.

Anyway, yeah, chances are high the lady was justified as long as the dude is still alive

[-] SparrowHawk@feddit.it 13 points 5 months ago

Now we'll never know why it was crossing the road...

[-] prole 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Someone once explained that "to get to the other side" actually has a double meaning, with "other side" referring to being killed by a car (in addition to the obvious meaning of the other side of the road).

Dunno if that was ever the actual intention, but it instantly became my new head canon, and I think about it every time I hear the joke now.

So it actually kind of fits here.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] KonalaKoala@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago

And then you wonder, "Why was the chicken crossing the road in the first place?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] KnitWit@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago

Yesterday while driving, I hit two different birds in the span of about 15 minutes. I was going under the limit both times and definitely wouldn’t try to hit them. The second one looked like it was going to miss me before it turned and went straight at the windshield. Real tucker and dale moment for me.

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2025
585 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

18974 readers
1296 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS