557
Don't tell me what to do.
(lemmy.world)
Hey it's Cheryl or Charlene or Carina or whatever...
It's CRYS-TAL!
Chaotic Good Karen.
FLARED. BASE.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
I reckon a friend of theirs was looking for something real hard.
Sunglasses? Really? Didn't have any better objects? C'mon.
Bread 🥖
What goes up must always come down
It's the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan's eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they've fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn't get Thursdays off, it's been a minute.
First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.
Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.
Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn't find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read "Not to be inserted rectally."
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don't think the government should tell you not too
Doctors don't know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
Use summer rolls instead. They're usually bigger anyway.
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they're telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It's like doctors don't want us to find any joy in our lives.
Or give them reasons to earn money while also telling crazy ass stories to their friends and family. Literally.
THIS IS AMERICA, GOD DAMMIT, THE LIBERAL MARXIST GLOBALISTS ARE TRYING TO CONTROL HOW I EAT MY FOOD, GO TO HELL YOU COMMIE BASTARDS
Fuckin' big pharma. I ain't sticking Pfizer's goddamn wantons up there, I'm sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
just gonna leave this here https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/doctors-warning-people-not-insert-17802129
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Well, I wasn't going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Well excuse me for being a good host during my digital rectal exam.
He didn't complain about the tea kettle at least, that's just being hospitable
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he'd never considered before.
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
I think there is only one way to find out...
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"Breaking news"
Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
A spring roll a day…
Just watch me motherfucker
Yeah probably the same "doctors" that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳
The new sexually frustrated boomer trend
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this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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