If you can't stop thinking about the worst possible outcome, try imagining the opposite. A nice and comfortable situation that makes you happy. To take up space in your thoughts and orient you towards more pleasant emotions

That thing you like doing that makes you feel better? Stop it.

Instead do this thing that is tedious/boring that you never look forward to.

Eventually you will fool yourself into enjoying this boring/tedious task and trick your brain into releasing dopamine when you perform it.

I was still a kid. At my first session I opened up hard. I spoke nonstop for the whole hour.

When I was walking out I asked them “now what?” And they replied “Now it’s a long battle”.

That stuck with me.

a therapist I had helped me rethink problems in terms of pragmatically adjusting my environment or conditions to nudge my behaviors rather than relying on willpower or behavioral changes that were slow or simply not happening

a small example was moving my computer out of my bedroom and developing a night-time routine that included reading a book before bed to help reduce compulsive computer use

realizing I am somewhat deterministic in my behavior, and my behavior is caused by conditions I have some influence over, was a helpful insight and got me past just constantly failing to live up to my expectations for myself and never moving past that - I can treat my psychological problems like puzzles to solve

Please remember to bring exact change next time.

Learn to identify what you're feeling.

It's minimal how you can change other people. But you can change your own environment, actions and worldview. Even though it might take a long time for your body, nervous system and brain to change and adapt.

Even if your parents want to change themselves for the benefit of your health, it might not be possible for them. But you might be able to help them by changing yourself, and then indirectly change their environment.

"No one else can do the work for you."

It’s ok to look back at a painful event and have empathy for that younger person, then you can either stay there or accept any wisdom to be learned and write the next chapter but you can’t live in both places at once.

Pain is relative. Yes other people may have it worse than you. The worst pain you've felt in your life is still the worst, for you. So don't write it off so easily.

• "You don't have to be mad at yourself for that any more"

• "What good does worrying about that part of your past do your current self?"

• "Come on, now. You know that's not true"

• "Don't reply to messages from your ex'

I won at therapy a few months ago. My doctor threw up his hands and went "I don't know what to tell you. Your situation is so fucked up that I can't even offer advice. Just keep on keeping on, I guess." And that actually made me feel better.

Your life is the way it is because you've decided that it's more comfortable to leave it that way than to change it.

Srsly years and years of therapy this was the only thing that did anything for me

Inside every man are two wolves...

Not even kidding. I had a therapist tell me this story once. I promptly found a new therapist.

Mine just said, "You're right, but thinking about it isn't helping."

I countered with, "People not thinking about it is why we're here."

They replied with, "Yeah, probably."

"So what do I do?"

"What can one man do?"

"That's what I'm paying you for. What can I do?"

"🤷‍♂️ Maybe stop listening to Democrats."

Fucking hate Kentucky.

Also, I filed a complaint and didn't go back; their practice is now closed, but I don't know if it's just because they moved to a different location or if they genuinely had to stop practicing. Haven't really thought about it much.

If you think you picked a bad partner because there's something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.

What is is an anchor for what can be.

That one's from Adam Savage

Also, know that you have no control over the choices of others.

What issues are you dealing with (if you feel like sharing)? I can speak from my experience being in therapy for AuADHD, anxiety, depression, childhood traumas, and a few other things.

ETA: Some generic things from my therapist that will help most people:

• Drink enough water. This alone can have a significant impact.
• Try to do regular physical activity that you enjoy, if possible. Even if you don't feel like it.
• Check your posture. If you find yourself hunching, try fixing that.
• Do things that you know that you enjoy when you are not depressed, when you are depressed. Our brains are weird and "fake it 'til you make it" kinda works - by doing non-depressive things, you can trick your brain into being happier.
• Try to engage socially, if you find yourself to be a hermit. Our brains are evolved to be social animals and isolation can be damaging.
• If you are having trouble with the state of the world and things that you do not have control over, try engaging in things that you do have control over. This can be as simple as deep cleaning your sink or fixing a squeeky hinge. The amount of frustration caused by inability to impact important global happening is problematic for maintaining good mental health - our brains evolved in environments where life-threatening problems had immediate solutions but humans have built societies that don't work that way.

Important items

• Be patient and kind to yourself. Especially your past self. We all did cringy things when young with brains not fully-developed and/or without the information that one has currently. If you have trouble doing so, try mentally taking a step back and pretending that you are dealing with a close friend who you care about deeply. Would you judge them and make them feel bad about their past mistakes? I hope not.
• Concern and depression about the world at large is a very valid way to feel. It's important, especially for those of us with mental health challenges, to take the airplane safety spiel "put your own mask on first before helping others" approach to rendering aid to others. If you are in or near crisis, you are not in a place to help others and need to focus on getting to stable ground yourself first. Needing to do this isn't slacking off or "not doing your part". Not everyone is equipped to be out marching all the time (some are not equipped for this at all). If someone offers unhelpful criticism of inability to engage physically due to mental or physical health, they are best ignored rather than responded to.

This has been what I do with mine. Most of it is pretty fucking "well duh" type stuff, however working with people to hold you, and you hold yourself, accountable for making progress in these ways. The part of having someone to hold you to account, this is often where a therapist is the most useful. However, in this situation, this isn't an option, so you need to reach out to others.

Take your meds. If you need meds, but can not currently access them due to finance issues, there are sources out there that may be able to help. This is not often easy to navigate, but it may be something that saves you.

Try any method you can find, that is from a reputable source, to keep your sleep on a schedule, and get at least 6 hours per night. This is way more important than many wish, but generally everyone knows it is vital to health, including mental health.

Make yourself accountable to someone for daily improvement progress - eg find a friend, family member, online gaming buddy, whatever, that you report to, on a routine basis, to report the regularity of maintaining these routines. This means whatever you need to do to keep your living space clean, and in order, routine exercise, adherence to a healthy diet, maintaining the framework to keep yourself on track, like keeping your phone calendar up date, keeping lists of chores/errands you need to do, working on maintaining a hierarchy of needs (most immediate things to do, and most important), etc. This is the big one though, this person is allowed to criticize you in your failings on this, and you need to take that criticism, and use it as a call to focus on these areas. You may need more than one person willing to help. If you are isolated, there are online groups for these things. No this isn't a great alternative, but it is better than nothing, and living in despair.

You need to audit your behavior. You need to make a record of the things you do that are mentally taxing, and thus can harm your mental health. Do you spend all day, every day, at work, or stressing about work? You need to find a place you can vent this stress, and look for advice on how to disengage with work enough stop burn out, but still do what is expected. If what is expected is just too much, you need to recognize it, and work on finding a lower stress income. Do you doom scroll? Well look into apps that help you regulate the time you spend online. Also, audit your experience with the platforms you engage with. If you find one is mostly something that adds to your stress, depression, despair, etc. work on just cutting that out completely. Look at your personal relationships, and really try to assess whether or not your relationships are healthy, if not, how can they become healthy? If there is not foreseeable way to make it healthy, go low-contact, pilot no contact. If your daily life has any improvement because you no longer maintain contact, then it is time to drop them.

Social activity. This will depend greatly on how much socializing, and what kinds, you can handle, etc. This one is much more tricky, especially since anxiety, anhedonia, and other negative aspects of your mental health really affect how hard this is. However, you need to work on getting some sort of in person social contact. It needs to be regular, and I don't mean like all the time, but that there is a routine set-up for it. Local hobby groups, activities at the local library, publicly held events you may attend, try to work out a specific time period where you, and at least one friend/family member, can spend that time together doing an agreed upon activity.

Do things that allow you to put your thoughts into more of an order than they may currently be. This could be a journal, personal blog, etc. Just something where you can dump your brain, look at what came out, and apply some structure to it.

Spend time outside. Be it with people, or alone, just force yourself to spend time outside, especially in places you can see nature, see green, etc. If you just sit there observing it, it will help to maintain wellness. This is subtle, and takes a while, however it does have a real impact.

There is more, and I can ask my therapist, when I see her this week, for resources for all this, and I can update with what she says, if she is willing, which I do not see why she wouldn't be.

Best advice I got about my all time present self criticism was:"Imagine the self criticism or self hate in the voice of someone you don't like and don't respect. Donald Trump for example."

It makes the voice in my head that says:"You are a worthless piece of shit." entertaining at least.

You clearly find it easy to stop doing things that are bad for you (drinking, drugs, eating meat), but you struggle to start doing things that are good for you (exercise, cooking, eating enough/well).

She was right. I still don't do the bad stuff and started doing the good stuff and now my life is so much better. Ironically it was quitting the last bad thing (weed) which allowed me to start taking care of myself. It's not enough to not hurt yourself, you have to be good to yourself too.

"When you're fighting with someone, think of it as tug-of-war. You choose how long you hold that rope, but you can put it down, or not even pick it up. Either way, neither of you are really going anywhere until one of you chooses to walk away."

There's a member of my family I strongly dislike, so I had to work on not taking the bait.

"If someone met your expectations would you be mad?"

"No"

"Then maybe your expectations are too high?"