My old microwave wouldn't cook anything if the date wasn't set.

Yes. The date.

Do printers count? I fucking HATE printers.

Keurig coffee makers. My first one killed itself during descaling, the in-warranty replacement’s buttons were cursed and never worked. I always felt guilty for destroying the planet one K-Cup at a time too.

The terrible devices actually encouraged me to grind my own beans and make Japanese-style pour over iced coffees.

"Smart" TVs.

I just want my TV to show pretty pictures with sound thrown at it by the digital receiver. If I want, I can attach a computer for streaming. How is that such a big ask?!

TV + Android box (Nvidia shield TV) + Soundbar.

This trio is a bug-riddled experience, constantly changing behavior without explaination, frequently malfunctioning.

All I want it to do is Jellyfin, YouTube and occasionally Twitch. I just want 1 on/off button on 1 remote that will turn on and off the whole system. Keypad to navigate, Ok and back buttons.

One day, the Soundbar decided it will only turn on automatic 1 out of 10 times from now on. Why ? Sometimes the video output will be green and I have to reboot the android box. Why? If my SO stand up from her chair in the other room, the TV will turn black from 5 seconds. Why ? The biggest button on the remote is NETFLIX that I don't use and it's very easy to accidentally press it and the remapping software only works sometimes. Why ?

This is so frustrating, also because there aren't any fix possible. Any suggestions online may or may not work, most often they don't. I am just stuck with this technology that is expensive, but still garbage and no better alternatives exist on the market.

The microwave, because my roommates insist on having a model that beeps every 30 seconds after it finishes cooking so you don't forget you had food in there. They still forget, though. It just gets on my nerves while I try to wash some dishes while waiting for the microwave to finish, or if I'm using it as part of prepping while cooking.

https://theoatmeal.com/comics/printers

Microwaves are allowed one proud "ding" or three "beep" before they are on my hate-list.

Printers. There is no excuse for (consumer) printers to be as shitty as they are.

There are reasons, but none of them are excuses: If patent hell wasn't a main obstacle put in place by the large printer manufacturers, I am sure open source hardware alternative would've forced industry improvements ages ago.

Dishwashers

Modern ones have too many features that can break and brick the whole thing and the cheap ones never get good powerful pumps so they spray like shit. Just make a basic mechanical timed dishwasher with a super powerful pump and I will be all in.

Nothing makes me particularly angry, but I'd really like if my washing machine had an accurate sense of time. It's so far off sometimes I might as well just pretend there's no timer. 1 hr 10? Come back in 1 hr to find it's got 58 minutes to go. Which is sometimes 10 minutes but might actually be 58. Or 30. Or 70.

Dumb fucking thing. Doesn't even do multiple cycles in a row so it's not like the timer resets for the next bit.

If it needs an app or internet connectivity - it can go fuck itself.

We've gone nearly a century of appliances that didn't need this shit. Apps or the Internet itself will not and never will, make things easier to do tasks than they already were easier to do before.

I encountered a gas stove that wouldn't work during a power outage. It had a valve that shut off the gas if electricity wasn't present. Way to intentionally sabotage one of your biggest advantages.

I have a Samsung printer that simply hates me. Whenever I need to print something urgently it will disappear from the wifi. It shows up for a few milliseconds when restarted and disappears again. However when you have the time and energy to investigate the problem it works flawlessly.

The stove in the place I rent. Only been living here maybe 2 years... and that thing is the devil. I thought it was just me getting used to an electric stove again. Nope, that thing is just a piece of shit.

Nothing can simmer, nothing can be left unattended for more than a few minutes (at most), it can't maintain anything close to a consistent temperature, and forget boiling water before you die of old age... I use an electric kettle just so I can boil noodles in less than 40 minutes

Maybe it's my pots?... nope, I've tried. Maybe I'll get better at using it?... no, and at this point I wouldn't even want to. It's just a piece of shit. My mother-in-law is a great cook, and she was pissed when she burned smothered chicken on it... because she hasn't burned smothered chicken in probably 20+ years; she confirms the stove is garbage

Fuck that stove

Thanks for hearing my rant, I feel a little better now

Edit: I forgot to mention that the fucker is BRAND NEW too. We're literally the first people to use it. Garbage-ass, giant piece of horse shit...

Printers/Fax machines.

My apartment gym has a Nordictrack treadmill that I hate nearly every aspect of. First of all, it requires you login to use any of the programs, which doesn't really work with 200 potential users. It has lost internet every single time I've used it and needs a restart, even though I use manual mode, the UI buttons are tiny and impossible to read while you're running, and don't respond correctly, and worst of all, there's no goddamn place to put your phone so you can watch Netflix.

Coffee dispenser at work. It acts up like it's a printer. Replace left cartridge. Replace right cartridge. Cleaning required. Thorough cleaning required. Unknown leak. Heating water please wait. Unknown error. Fuck that, I'll piss in a cup myself if I don't get my coffee now.

Then there's also the towel roll thing in the toilets. I swear it's stuck for longer time than it's functioning. It'd be a full time job keeping that rolling throughout the day

Samsung Fridge (don't judge me, it came with the house).

I knew it was a "when" and not and "if" it would start having issues, and it finally showed its colors last month.

Front panel buttons either refused to work at all or would cycle through every option continuously and randomly.

Want water? Sorry, only crushed ice today. Want ice? Sorry, just water today. Oh, I actually did want water (starts dispensing). PSYCH! Now I'm going to shoot ice at you and splash water everywhere.

Was about to just toss the thing and get something dumber and more reliable, but decided to roll the dice with a replacement control board from ebay. Thankfully, that worked and I'm only out $80.

any fucking thing with touchscreens or touch buttons. those stupid things barely ever work and imagine not being able to use your appliance once that shit breaks.

My fridge because once a year it seems the coils freeze over.

I keep buying cheap toaster ovens. I keep paying the price for it. At least I know my smoke alarms work

Maybe I'm just stupid but I have a helluva time opening cans

A few years ago we bought a dishwasher when we were in no place to be spending money on something unnecessary, but my wife was 8 months pregnant and wanted one. We bought the cheapest one at I think Lowes, if I recall correctly it was around $100, maybe $120.

The ducking thing doesn't have buttons, it has some stupid sensor panel, not touchscreen but is supposed to mimic it I guess. The sensors just don't fucking work, ever. I spend 10 minutes loading the thing and 15 minutes trying to get it to start. Most of the time I have to cut the power from the breaker a few times to eventually get it to work. It'll just change through all the settings beeping like crazy, so we have to keep it shut which means our dishes don't dry properly. For a while I could only get it to start on the intense mode so it took 3 hours to run, now it only works on normal. It's like I have to do a magic spell each time but the steps change weekly.

I would love to throw it out and get a new one but it technically works and it's only 3 years old.

The humble Mandoline

Severed fingertips await

Anything made by Samsung.

My crappy electric Philips toothbrush from the internet of shit era. If you press the single button it has slightly wrong it goes into some Bluetooth pairing mode or whatever that you can't take it out of until it gives up 2 minutes later.

The ice compartment of our fridge. It's always a fucking compressed block that needs manually smashing up. I fucking hate it so much.