For me, it's specifically the HP printer my wife has. It has one of those subscription models where you pay per page (or per some unit, I forget) and you can't use it without an account and an internet connection.

I bought a Brother that offers but does not mandate a subscription and tried to get her to use it, but she is convinced the awful disgusting subscription model is easier.

Every time I see it it makes me a little sad and a little mad, but I had her put it on my network that has guest isolation, so it can't touch or spy on any of my other devices and only impacts her.

(My feelings about it aren't quite that strong in reality, but this is a thread about appliance beef. If her printer weren't isolated, I might actually feel pretty strongly about it.)

even enterprise grade printers are shitty

And there is a very good reason: Good Mechanical engineers are epxensive, so instead they hire crappy mechanical engineers

US patents only last for 20 years. Technically, nothing is stopping you from making a part-for-part copy of a good laser printer from 2005 and selling it the same way some companies do replacement toner.

It's just that making a cheap and reliable appliance is HARD if there are dozens of distinct parts that all have to move together. Heck, id expect a near-clone of a Cuisinart stand mixer before I'd expect a printer.

(And, even then, i doubt it'd be much cheaper than just buying one used.)

Edit: patents, not parents.

Don’t worry, commercial printers are equally bad but in a different way.

Every vendor feels the need to inject their own special secret sauce into the drivers instead of making a tool that Just Works.