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submitted 3 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to c/science_memes@mander.xyz

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[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 221 points 3 months ago

Hi gang! Doctor here, trained at and still work at the local "Rectal Foreign Body Center of Excellence", so I feel somewhat qualified to give my professional opinion.

Yes, nothing without a flared base should be used in this fashion. BUT, there's pretty much no risk for harm here. Mechanical obstruction is unlikely because, as OP says, it'll get mushy and get pooped out. Bananas aren't much of an irritant like a citrus fruit, so not much risk for chemical damage. Someone else said there might be a risk of potassium overdose, but not really. The rectum does absorb, but not as much as the stomach. So while some potassium will be absorbed, this is at worst equivalent to eating the same number of bananas. Which won't harm you.

So not a big risk here. That being said, flared bases, everyone!

[-] motor_spirit@lemmy.world 48 points 3 months ago

I hope you remind friends, family, and colleagues about the importance of flared bases every holiday season. It's the type of progressive service the people need but don't realize yet. Stay #based and blesst y'all

[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 31 points 3 months ago

I come from a heavily Roman Catholic background. Recognition of the existence of butt stuff to family doesn't go over well. But friends and the family I'm raising get regular reminders!

[-] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 25 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Thank you foe your answer. I don't believe in god, but if I did I'd ask them to bless you. 🫡

[-] Empricorn@feddit.nl 24 points 3 months ago

Thank you, Dr Ass!

[-] dumbass@leminal.space 22 points 3 months ago

Alright then Doc, what item would you suggest to be the best to shove up my ass?

[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 40 points 3 months ago

Me ;)

[-] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

And where is your proof of having a flared base?

[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 27 points 3 months ago

Proof.

Sorry, probably not what you're asking for but I'm not going there.

[-] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 22 points 3 months ago

I don't even myself know what I was asking for so I am satisfied with this.

[-] pixeltree 13 points 3 months ago

Real talk, if you want to get into butt stuffing, get a squishy plug like a square peg egg plug or a topped toys gape keeper. Stuff that's designed for butt use is infinitely better than improvised things, let me tell you.

[-] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 3 months ago

Luigi amiibo

[-] Kitathalla@lemy.lol 15 points 3 months ago

Question for the doctor, especially due to your location of work. Have you ever been approached for shadowing? How would you prefer to be asked?

[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 22 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Yes, have been approached many times. Very open to shadowing and have had multiple people shadow me.

How would you prefer to be asked?

I'm not sure exactly what that question means? I guess I would prefer someone say "I am interested in medicine, can I shadow you to see if it's something I truly want to do?" Or "I'm applying to medical school and need shadowing hours. Your profession sounds like fun, can I shadow you?". Problem is you gotta know someone. Or know someone who knows someone. Can't just walk in off the street and say "I want to shadow", I'll likely say no. Most institutions do have a program to facilitate shadowing, which can help with access to willing docs.

Does that answer your question?

[-] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I like how you are taking these questions at face value. Time for an interview with Philomena Cunk.

"Isn’t it weird that your job is basically staring into a hole all day? Like, did you lose a bet or something?"

"Do you ever feel like your patients are secretly judging you while you're judging their behinds?"

"What was the first time you told someone, 'I want to dedicate my life to bottoms,' and how did they respond?"

"If you think about it, the rectum is like the backdoor of the body. Do you ever knock, or is it more of a barging-in situation?"

"Would you say the rectum is the most underappreciated organ, or is it just happy to be left alone?"

(Only answer if this is fun. I don't want to waste your time)

[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

"Isn’t it weird that your job is basically staring into a hole all day? Like, did you lose a bet or something?"

I have a very broad scope of practice, so I stare into other holes as well! But no, didn't know how much of my profession would involve starting into holes.

"Do you ever feel like your patients are secretly judging you while you're judging their behinds?"

Eh, not really? Most people tend to be quite self conscious and so are wrapped up in their own judgement to judge me.

"What was the first time you told someone, 'I want to dedicate my life to bottoms,' and how did they respond?"

I think it was my parents? Pretty much their response was "seems like a good way to pay the bills".

"If you think about it, the rectum is like the backdoor of the body. Do you ever knock, or is it more of a barging-in situation?"

I like to take the door by surprise. If you give them notice by knocking, they clean up the place a bit. Gotta catch them by surprise to know what's really going on.

"Would you say the rectum is the most underappreciated organ, or is it just happy to be left alone?"

Underappreciated for sure. Ever seen that meme about which organ is the most important? Anus shuts up and everyone dies.

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[-] Donkter@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

What about if the mushy banana is rotting? How bad does it have to rot to start to do something to your asshole?

[-] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 15 points 3 months ago

I mean, it takes a long time until a banana isn't good for eating anymore. It should be shit out long before that.

In areas where bananas are native people often eat them when they're more or less liquid.

[-] Shard@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

In areas where bananas are native people

Well... Multiverse theory confirmed then...

[-] trolololol@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

Are you high on bananas?

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[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

I've dug poop out of buttholes with my (fortunately not bare) hands that are rock solid. Even the most unripe banana will pass with a good drink of water and a bit of effort.

[-] Pulptastic@midwest.social 7 points 3 months ago

Any microbial risk? I know there’s already poop in there, but they’re inserting a new food source into their body.

[-] Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

Yeah, some microbial risk. But the post says they're freshly peeled bananas, so probably less microbial risk than a lot of things people put up there...

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[-] nesc@lemmy.cafe 215 points 3 months ago

Imagine you are running a marathon and someone ahead of you losses three bananas that were stuffed in their ass.

[-] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 153 points 3 months ago

"it's Mario kart all over!"

[-] PennyRoyal@sh.itjust.works 35 points 3 months ago

Mario Shart

[-] bamboo 7 points 3 months ago

This explains where bullet bill comes from!

[-] NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 21 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

"Are we going passed a zoo? I smell mashed bananas.

Oh fuck, what is running down that person's leg right now‽"

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[-] Hikermick@lemmy.world 76 points 3 months ago

If there's a problem simply shove a monkey up there. Problem rectified

[-] avattar@lemmy.sdf.org 20 points 3 months ago

rectified

I see what you did there.

[-] AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago

That was a great analysis you did of the problem

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[-] Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 48 points 3 months ago

The last sentence makes this 10 times funnier

[-] leonine@sh.itjust.works 46 points 3 months ago

When life goes banana, u shove em up ur ass and run a marathon.

[-] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 34 points 3 months ago

Their body their choice.

[-] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 30 points 3 months ago

My eyes though

[-] VitabytesDev@feddit.nl 33 points 3 months ago

I read the first sentence and immediately stopped reading.

[-] CaptPretentious@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

I did not and I wish I had. Today was a bad day to Internet

[-] Neon@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

Am I the only one who thought it funny?

[-] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 9 points 3 months ago

You did the right thing.

[-] SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 31 points 3 months ago

Doesn't the colon absorb vitamins better or something? Could you overdose with anal bananas?

[-] Kitathalla@lemy.lol 17 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I suppose it's possible. The amount of absorption is going to depend on what specifically is 'in there.' Most vitamins (for example) have been separated from their pre-eaten location/environment by the physical mastication, churning, and compression; and by chemical means by chelation agents, acid/enzyme digestion, or other molecules that break apart lipid blobs and such; and even more importantly, are done in areas designed for absorption with lots of villi to give a million times the surface area. Alcohol, the oft-given example of a substance absorbed by the rear part of your gastric tube, is a fairly 'ready to be absorbed' compound. Suppositories are also similarly in a state that makes their active agents easily absorbed.

A whole bananal probably is going to be absorbed like a rock through a 5mm sieve. The bacteria in the rectum might start the process, breaking down the cells and matrix of the banana into readily absorbed compounds, but if you've ever seen an organic object like an apple or banana rot outside somewhere, it is a very slow process. You'll be much more likely to suffer some form of infection/sepsis from the bloom of bacteria (or the smaller chance of a fungal infection) long before enough of the banana is absorbed.

All of this is even more true if the OP was shoving them still in their skins in. The bananal skin will definitely be a very slow degradation, and absorb like an intelligent thought into the president elect.