I think Weird Al Yankovic would be the perfect opponent. The absurdity of a political debate where Trump spouts absolute nonsense in a perfectly serious manor while Al lays serious facts in the most nonsensical form would be the show of the century and weird Al has better qualifications for the job by trumps standards having maintained cultural relevancy and financial stability for 4 decades. Plus he's jest super likeable.
He's also a perfect counterpoint as a healthy representative of the Christian religion. It's the reason he doesn't curse in his songs. He's a good clean, Christian boy!
Would they let him respond to debate questions in song with his accordion? Dear GOD I hope so.
...with Vice President... hang on I'm having trouble reading this... Hot Saucerman? Shock Jockerman? Trick Shotterman? Yacht Rockerman? Who is this guy??
People would just point out that the whole thing is Al generated though.
Sacha Baron Cohen.
The appeal of Trump's rhetoric and populist message is entirely subconscious, and doesn't stand up to even a few moments of critical analysis. Baron Cohen has a genius-level understanding of how to get into people's heads, and what's more, he can do it fluently, on-the-fly. His U.S. presidential candidate character would totally dismantle MAGA.
~~John~~ Stewart
Edit: Sorry I meant his brother, Jon Stewart
Stewart/Colbert ticket would absolutely rock his orange ass off.
With Presidential Cabinet members Steve Carrell, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Judge John Hodgman, Jordan Klepper and Lewis Fucking Black.
I don't know John Stewart, but Jon Stewart would be an interesting choice.
At this point I'd take either the superhero or the comedian
I'm not even sure if this one is silly as much as it is serious. Too bad Stewart would never want the job!
Bill Burr or Jon Stewart, either one of them would absolutely crush Trump on a debate stage and people would line up to watch it.
I can almost hear Bill going "ohhh, shut the fuck up, ya fat ahrange piece a' shit!"
Taylor Swift. Not that I think she's absurd. I just think she'd have absolutely zero time for Trump's bullshit, and would probably write some very cutting lyrics about it.
Dwayne Johnson is an incredible trash talker by the same logic and would own his candy ass
Stone Cold Steve Austin.
WHAT?
I had thought about some folks in that wheelhouse, too. Sometimes I really wish Macho Man Randy Savage was still around.
Well, Marshall Mathers in his Slim Shady persona would be interesting. Not sure who I would pair him up with for VP though.
I figure after 4 years of Slim Shady as President, we would either have world peace or the world would be in pieces.
A Martha Stewart/Snoop Dogg ticket would be interesting. I kinda want to see Snoop in the debate though so maybe a Snoop Dogg/Martha Stewart ticket.
If you want to guarantee a win though Oprah is the answer. Just to maximize Trump's rage I say we need Oprah/RuPaul 2024.
forget Martha Stewart – but Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson as heads of the DEA and FDA
I found a guy on linkedin that has the same name, just slot him in and pretend nothing happened, wouldn't even have to change any of the campaign marketing. Dude looks to be in his 20s and manages a coffee place, definitely more than qualified.
Robert Evans – writer, comedian, conflict journalist, podcaster – Cracked, Bellingcat, Behind the Bastards, did a podcast from Rojava, and reported live from Portland’s George Floyd protests
I was actually thinking about something similar today. We've already had an actor as president, then with Trump, we had a reality-TV star. Social media is the new "TV" for the younger generation, so it's only a matter of time before we have an influencer or a YouTube creator as a candidate, right? Let's see MrBeast go toe-to-toe with Trump.
a masterclass trash talker. And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw.
That's an interesting point, I was actually kind of annoyed that Biden was insulting Trump as I saw it as stooping to his level, but your comment on that does make it seem like a valid strategy.
I don't think he could win, but for a laugh I'd love to see Hunter Biden replace Joe lol convicted felon vs convicted felon!
Joe Biden is way too classy to really insult him. I felt like he was just being honest about who Trump is and what he has done. If it's insulting, it's Trumps fault for that being who he really is.
Like, there's reports Trump actually did shit himself during the debate (Sorry about the link to X, can't find it elsewhere). Joe Biden is way too classy to call Trump out for such a thing.
I agree, though! Hunter is just done even trying to have any semblance of reasonableness or classiness with the right wingers, so he'd probably be like "Okay, fuck this, let's get dirty."
The Rock. If you're going to sink your ship at least do it with style.
Go all in on milking generational divide and do like a Taylor Swift / Kendrick Lamar ticket. I definitely think either of them could do a better job at being president than our current batch of options.
Elon Musk! It's time for him to take over USA. Like he did with Twitter. Let that sink in!
Paul Rudd.
No one will ever be able to complain about his age since he doesn't age and just owns a painting of himself that ages instead.
John Browns Body.
I think we would be better off with any rotting corpse over Trump, but old John at least fought for something good once
Andrew Callaghan. Just sit there an ask Trump simple questions with a vibe so chill he self destructs without any outside interference.
By the standards of the American people, the candidate should be one of those blow up car dealership streamer guys and a Bluetooth speaker playing audio of hero monologues from 80's "step dad bait" action movies.
The presidency is not one person, it's an entire administration and general philosophy. We're fed a lie that these debates always matter, they matter when candidates are unknown and then have a forum to stand out as leaders and educate voters about a vision for the country. That's NOT the case here, the candidates are wholly known entities and these fucking debates absolutely do not matter.
The people in this country, in their immediate reaction to this debate, demonstrate that they just fundamentally lack the focus, empathv and frankly basic intelligence to process the substance of this or any debate. On average, we respond solely to voice pitch, tonality, body language and facial expressions, like a still developing toddler... Or a dog.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. We get the absurdity of a puppet and the entertainment of a puppet throwing insults at Trump.
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