“I’ve never experienced it so you must just be imagining it” pretty much describes the conflict of every issue out there, from race to mental illness. Hell, even things like homelessness.
There's also the "I have suffered it and therefore everyone else must suffer it as well"
Don't forget "I've suffered it and it wasn't that bad so don't pretend it is"
Which actually means "I've pretended to suffer it and you are probably too".
"I experienced racism. I was called a potato once and seriously, it wasn't as bad as all the n* pretend it is. Get over it."
Weird, this pulled more down votes than a lot of the posts around it.
I wonder why.
You ask that ... on the internet...?
Because some of us just don't like pizzacake
I don't like them neither but have never found them so bad they deserve a downvote.
Besides being inane, it was their ubiquity on reddit that drove me to dislike them
I never go searching out pizza cake, but when i see it I will always downvote it.
Reporter: [REDACTED]
Reason: it's pizzacake
Some people don’t know how to click downvote and move on with their day,
or make a comment,
or unsubscribe,
or make their own c/ComicsExceptPizzaCake community.
Some people have to talk to the manager and waste my time.
I legitimately don't understand how a man can be blind to this kind of treatment of women. Don't you just need to look at any treatment of women online for more than a nanosecond and you'll see this?
My hypothesis is it's two major parts:
For most people, belief is more social than we'd like to admit. So if your in-groups are a bunch of jerks who think women "talk too much" or whatever, you'll probably adopt that. It'll be continually reinforced from your socializing. Then with point #1, any time contrary evidence that does manage to break through you'll reject it rather than doing any hard work or introspection.
Neither side in this sex war seems willing to admit that both parties are deeply behaviorally flawed in terms of operating within an (at least in rhetoric) equitable society we all claim to want with one another.
I think step zero would be for both men and women to admit that both are deeply flawed in their engagement with one another, acknowledge both are trying to operate within sociocultural environments we are evolutionarily unprepared for, and therefore shouldn't expect perfection or even competency from the other, so we can work to bridge the massive empathy deficit between us.
But since healing doesn't trend on social media or in culture like vitriol, insult, or indignation, carry on.
"Please understand that a subset of your group is a serious threat to our safety"
briefcase unclasping noise
"Sure but step one is to define what the term safe really means in this context...."
Lol, you must be one of the guys that get offended by this or the bear meme. If you think stuff like this attacks all men or you directly, or that women have done wrong to men even 1% of what sexism and men violence has done to them you just need to close lemmy for an hour and read a bit. And im a man in case you were wondering, i just dont have my head inside my own ass.
Edit: just to make it clear to everyone reading this guy post where he talked about both sides and all that shit https://lemm.ee/comment/11953665 ended up just saying that for them womens problems are imaginary because they have a full belly and a roof. The story is always the same it doesnt take much to show when someone is such a level of sexist even when they are trying to hide it behind bullshit rethorics.
Kinda hard to have an equal discussion when being a woman entails being sexually harassed and occasionally assaulted by a bunch of men, mostly ones you barely know or don't know at all, on a regular basis before you even hit puberty. Your "sex war" is more like a sex genocide with the effects biting the whole male demographic in the ass, even the ones who didn't cause it.
It's also hard when most of the men that participate in this discussion (despite often not wanting to admit it at first) subconsciously think that women should listen to their venting 5 seconds after meeting them and be in a relationship with them and hug them and bang them and stuff. Seriously, interacting with guys just feels like gambling, with most of them forming some sort of unhealthy obsession with you and taking your kindness as a sign of weakness or inability to see their red flags; to a lot of guys, interaction with them is basically a green light to move on you. It sometimes feels like life is a "don't unintentionally upset or engage with a random man too much or else he might find your phone number on the dark web and send you texts threatening to rape, torture, and murder you". We live in a society where it's relatively common for high school girls to have a guy classmate they occasionally talk to tell/text them that they wanna rape her, just unfiltered and out there because she decided to have a conversation.
Their problems are caused by patriarchy too, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to subject myself to sexism from them. They, whether they realize it or not, feel like they deserve what they want from a woman, the unfairness of women not wanting them makes them frustrated and they see gender equality as a means to an end, they see it as a way to have women finally love them.
It's not so much of "women and men are equally fucking up and need to make up" as it is "women are extremely scared by men, and negotiating with the likely emotionally unstable potentially violent people with nothing to lose who probably thought about you and them dating immediately after seeing you never seems like the good option". It's like encouraging kids to interact with people who they think are violent and might shoot up a school in order to convince them not to shoot up the school... Even talking to someone out of pity is endangering yourself.
Most guys want to get in your pants or eventually get to that point, whether you're apathetic to them or nice to them or mean to them. How am I supposed to talk to guys about sexism when usually their main concern is the lack of action with women and my main concern is interacting with men is inherently extremely risky and I fear I'm about to get raped or murdered when a man raises his voice at me?
It has to be at least 95% of straight men who are the danger women have to do conversational twister with to be relatively safe and comfortable around, and the remaining portion of men usually take an "insult" about the majority of men as an "insult" to them.
Men and women are both negatively affected by our sexist system but the playing field is not level. The solution is getting a majority of men to realize exactly what women deal with from men, and getting them to actively work against their subconscious sexism to promote a safer environment for women and remove the high risk of interacting with men, including by halting the rampant objectification of women and their bodies, so women and men can actually be humans with each other for real. The widespread outrage things like the bear meme gets show that this probably isn't going to work out any time soon. Men usually immediately think of it as a challenge to "prove" that women are worse by saying a lot of them are bitchy and hard to read and gold diggers or something, rather than a way to understand why women can't feel safe around men the same way they can around women. But instead men think of it as how women feel about any single man, including them.
At least there are communities like !mensliberation@lemmy.ca that are on the right path though. Sigh.
Why? You should teach the same things to your son at the least for empathy , the most for prevension.
If you read this comic and the first thing you're concerned* about is how men feel, you're part of the problem.
one thing i've noticed, is that when you get into less moderated, harder to moderate, and less centralized services, particularly anti-censorship ones, you get a lot of shitty people congregating there. And the reason why is pretty simple, it's because you can. Some of it is probably just edgy shitposting, because, internet. Some of it is also just genuine, because again, the internet.
So you get this weird thing where it fractures heavily, into to small communal groups, that each do their own thing. But you have a broad group of outliers, who generally exist outside of this space also, which means that it tends to be rather hit and miss what you find.
This is one of the reasons i really like the darknet conceptually. Yes there may be racism there, but you know what else isn't there? Rules, and you know what that means? People can make their own however they please. Don't like it? Go away, simple as that.
r/TalesFromYourServer: Kicking a Nazi out as soon as they walk in
I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, "no. get out."
And the dude next to me says, "hey i'm not doing anything, i'm a paying customer." and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, "out. now." and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed
Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, "you didn't see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them."
And i was like, ohok and he continues.
"you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it's always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don't want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too.
And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down.
And i was like, 'oh damn.' and he said "yeah, you have to ignore their reasonable arguments because their end goal is to be terrible, awful people."
And then he went back to ignoring me. But I haven't forgotten that at all.
The biggest mistake new moderators make is allowing bad actors to use the rules against them. You can't be too prescriptive, you can't give them ammo to go "well this doesn't technically violate any rule." And when they complain you have a "don't disrupt the community" rule and say it's "too vague" just tag them as potentially a problem and see what they do. In my experience, they inevitably deserve a ban.
I have zero thoughts or comments on this specific comic, but can we please leave pizzacake on reddit? They were already plenty inescapable enough there.
Teach your son those things too.
Ah yes.
The group of men, which granted IS larger than it should be, that say stupid shit like this online or in person is not representative of men in GENERAL.
If I sat there and tried to bring out the worst characteristics my exes had for ALL women, I would be as much of an asshole as this comic creator is.
There will, unfortunately, ALWAYS be bad actors in the human race. Those that get their kicks from saying stupid shit like the man in this comic, because they have nothing better in life to do and probably hate their life so much that they do and say the stupid shit they do because they are broken people in one way or another.
Does that mean that all men are the same? No, of course not, and it’s kind of silly to even think that way to begin with.
Are all women as horrible, cheating and uncaring as my exes? No, of course not! I have a beautiful and caring woman in my life now who treats me well!
I think we sometimes let the minority outclass the majority, especially when trying to spin a narrative that basically ends up being: All men = bad All women = bad All white people = bad All black people = bad
The reality is, folks, that you need to keep the bigger picture in your mind at all times.
Did that group of people on an online forum act in bad faith? Yes? Then move on, and let their toxicity eat away at them until they no longer exist in this world. By giving them your time, and letting them upset you, you are doing exactly what they are wanting, which is to cause chaos and dissent for no real reason other than getting a rise out of someone or to fool someone else into thinking the same way.
My dude 100% confidentially came in here and went not all men.
Where the fuck does this comic make the assertion "all men"? What makes this comic creator an asshole (from this comic, I'm not aware of any of their other work)?
I think their point was that unless 100% of men are contributing to a problem, the problem clearly doesn't exist, no matter how many women experience it.
Ah yes
What's it like to be this oblivious?
To be fair, men would get near the same response. "Stupid bitch slut Ken". The hate is the same, only the names change. The internet is a hateful place with a multitude of people willing to step up and shit on you for expressing any sort of individuality or emotion.
Well that definitely escalated.
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