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The bubble is dead, long live the bubble! (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 years ago by ReadyUser31@lemmy.world to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world

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spaf @spaf

Every vendor booth at RSA this year: Powered by world-class Al with a proprietary language model, our product offers unbelievably agile, next-gen threat intelligence-based risk management in the dark net on a quantum containerized blockchain employing breathtakingly advanced data science. Built to be compatible with your SIEM & cloud, its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

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[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 101 points 2 years ago

Literally no supply chain.

As in, we don’t have a product yet, but we’re working on it!

[-] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 98 points 2 years ago

Hey I know, what if we let Sales set the direction of the company?? They get us money, right? It’s jenius!

That’ll show those surly waaah-i-wanna-work-from-home engineer people!

More colored charts! Add AI to the printer toner! I read a business book once!

[-] SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml 29 points 2 years ago

You misspelled jeanius

[-] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

This is the most injeanious comment I've read in a long time.

[-] SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 years ago

Can't help it my dude, must be in my jeanetics....Still, I shot my shot, and my argument stands.

[-] Napain@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 years ago

you mean your jeans?

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[-] zik@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I once worked for a company which did exactly that - they put the marketing people in charge. It may surprise you to hear that they went from being a large organisation to going bust within a few years.

[-] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I’m pretty sure every organization is under some kind of siege by their versions of sales and marketing. In better days those voices get balanced or bested by smarter heads. In worse days, they don’t, marketing takes over and the company is sold for scrap two years later.

[-] bort@sopuli.xyz 54 points 2 years ago

its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

this is good.

[-] Hasherm0n@lemmy.world 29 points 2 years ago

They're fully vertically integrated from the silicone through the compiler, os, and all software running.

[+] Fermion@mander.xyz 31 points 2 years ago

[deleted]

[-] BingBong@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 years ago

To be fair smart connected chastity cages did get hacked recently so their owners couldn't get them off.

[-] Randelung@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

And some of them did get off on that.

[-] Hasherm0n@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Ah shit, serves me right for posting off the cuff...

Though that is also a thing.

[-] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 2 points 2 years ago

Don't sweat it too much, I think most people struggle with silicon vs silicone. Silicon is the hard stuff used in computer chips, silicone is the soft stuff used in sex toys and boob implants.

A few mnemonic devices that might help you remember which is which:

SiliCON is a semi-CONductor, silicone is not.
(expanded version of the previous) SiliCON is very CONventient when used in computers due to its properties as a semi-CONductor.
Madonna has silly cones.

On the last one, I have no idea if Madonna has breast implants or not, and quite frankly I don't really care. However, I do know that she has/had a fairly infamous outfit that included a cone-shaped bra. As such, the train of thought goes silicone -> silly cone(s) -> Madonna had silly cones -> breasts -> breast implants.

[-] MycelialMass@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago

And it comes with a free gogurt!

[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

That's good!

[-] Qli@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

The gogurt is proprietary blockchain.

[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

[-] MycelialMass@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Thats bad

[-] msage@programming.dev 5 points 2 years ago

I mean isn't it the only part that actually makes sense?

[-] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 53 points 2 years ago

[-] achance4cheese@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 years ago

Ah yes, I love tech jargon overload

[-] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago

Fun fact, the whole thing is actually a science/engineering injoke that’s been going for decades. Look up Turbo Encabulator

[-] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 2 years ago

Kinda miss VXJunkies now and then. Mostly then though.

[-] orphiebaby@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago

What is this from.

[-] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 6 points 2 years ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turbo_encabulator

[-] fruitycoder@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago

Turbo Encabulator

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[-] crawancon@lemm.ee 38 points 2 years ago

wow that is an impressively triggering paragraph.

though I should get spaf to write my résumé

[-] DerArzt@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago

I would like one security please.

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

Sorry, the least I can sell you is four on a subscription.

[-] elxeno@lemm.ee 35 points 2 years ago

But is it blazingly fast?

[-] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

Well, a brick is technically unhackable.

[-] slazer2au@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago

Due to your product not being turnkey I am unable to get management buy-in.

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 18 points 2 years ago

Also no single pane of glass. What is this, amateur hour?

[-] foofiepie@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

And no ‘single push of a button’, the filthy casuals.

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago

At least "fuzzy logic" is now a long dead buzzword.

[-] m12421k@iusearchlinux.fyi 3 points 2 years ago

fuzzy logic

Can you jog my memory on this? 😊

[-] Magnetar@feddit.de 10 points 2 years ago

"We discovered floats"

[-] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Maybe.

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[-] fruitycoder@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

But my rice cooker uses fuzzy logic to better cook the rice /s

I mean its not totally useless jargon but it made me laugh

[-] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago

[-] lemmyreader@lemmy.ml 19 points 2 years ago

The future is ~~bleak~~ bright!

[-] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago

Just ~~peachy~~ bleachy!

[-] dojan@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Blight?

[-] 42yeah@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago

Is this human language?

[-] ZombieMantis@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

It's bullshitese, specifically.

[-] GraniteM@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Invest in world-class technologies to leverage our core competencies!

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this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024

679 points (100.0% liked)

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