324
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee to c/privacy@lemmy.ml

Folks, I have finally figured it out.

Have a baby.

Since having a baby a week ago, all of a sudden everyone is willing to install a decent messaging app in order to receive pics of the baby.

We explained that we weren't ready for images of our child to end up in the wrong hands via non-private apps. Another thing was telling them that the one single friend who had already got on board with this had already been recieving pics...

It's been a conversation starter for many and I think seeing privacy from the point of view of a newborn has helped our family and friends understand it a bit more easily. Plus they've had to put up with it if they want any photos, so they will see it working firsthand.

So, if you want to have a baby, know that it can be a wonderful opportunity to help loved ones communicate more privately.

It also increases the sum total of love, community and compassion in the world and in your own life but that's a conversation for another community :)

Edit: If anyone has good tips on how to share a little one's journey more privately with those that care about them, please post them in the discussion.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] 7heo@lemmy.ml 111 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I have two kids. I asked people to use signal to send and receive the photos. Asking people to follow your requirements only works for the direct immediate communication. The photos of my kids were sent by the recipients I sent them to (over signal) to other members of the family, over gmail (unencrypted), WhatsApp, Instagram, etc. I learned that years after.

This was in direct violation of my express requests. When I confronted them, they played dumb.

So, not to be a buzzkill here OP, but if you did this to get more people to use your messenger of choice, good job, it worked. If you did this so the pics of your kids stayed on safe apps, don't fool yourself. They didn't.

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 18 points 5 months ago

That's OK, I understand that unfortunately it's only a matter of time until images of them end up somewhere I don't want want them, either through ignorance or a difference in values. That's the world we live in right now sadly. But hopefully I can delay and minimise it a bit, open a better channel of communication with a few friends and relatives and perhaps raise some awareness in the process.

I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your experience, especially with the pictures of them ending up on instagram. At least you were responsible as a parent and tried to do your best.

Its important to share and celebrate the birth of a child with your community. Yet another part of our lives that has been compromised by the degradation of our privacy unfortunately.

[-] 7heo@lemmy.ml 7 points 5 months ago

But hopefully I can delay and minimise it a bit, open a better channel of communication with a few friends and relatives and perhaps raise some awareness in the process.

Absolutely.

[-] grue@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

Yeah, my strategy is to not share pictures of my kids at all. I can hold my phone up in front of people's face so they can look if they want, but that's it.

[-] ChexMax@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

My relatives hated this strategy, and I wasn't the only one who suffered from it. They guilted me for it, but also guilted my parents and siblings. As if they are entitled to the details of my daughter.

People could handle (though they were vocally unhappy about it) is keeping the baby off Facebook. They could not handle me not sending pics on (Facebook) messenger, and they couldn't handle me not telling me the birth weight.

Multiple boomers got very upset that I wanted to keep that information private.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 56 points 5 months ago

Could I simply purchase a baby?

[-] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 35 points 5 months ago

Just be careful with the return policy, if your past the 60 day window it locks in a multi year contract.

[-] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 21 points 5 months ago

Ugh, everything is a subscription service now. Even babies!

[-] Steve@communick.news 19 points 5 months ago

You Can!
Stores are called Adoption Agencies.
Congrats!

[-] circuscritic@lemmy.ca 7 points 5 months ago

You might want to start with a lease, with the option to buy out, or trade-in, after the original terms are up.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] floofloof@lemmy.ca 34 points 5 months ago

I discovered that it doesn't work if the baby's other parent is an avid Facebook user.

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 5 months ago

Oh dear. I'm sensing a deep backstory here...

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] supangle@lemmy.wtf 33 points 5 months ago

i hope signal becomes the "go-to" app in near future in europe because i'm sick of using whatsapp

[-] toastal@lemmy.ml 7 points 5 months ago

I would be furious if a different app that required Android or iOS to use became the norm. Have a Linux phone, a KaiOS phone, or no phone? Too bad.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] poVoq@slrpnk.net 25 points 5 months ago

Wait, who other than the grandparents actually wants to see the baby pictures? In my experience it is insufferable new parents that want to show their baby pictures to everyone and you have to pretend to like it to be polite. Maybe others just agreed to using another messenger just so they could ignore it better?

[-] Paddzr@lemmy.world 19 points 5 months ago

I know it's a hard concept... But people can be nice and genuinely happy for them?

Your basement is likely insufferable too.

[-] poVoq@slrpnk.net 8 points 5 months ago

I am genuinely happy for them, but that still doesn't mean I need or want to see random baby pictures twice a day.

P.S.: my basement is fine, thanks 😅

[-] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 17 points 5 months ago

Depends on the baby, I liked seeing my nieces and nephews growing up. Random coworker baby pics though, they get one pic to announce them, then unsubscribe.

[-] card797@champserver.net 16 points 5 months ago

Have ever held a baby. They are little happy squish balls. It's intoxicating physiologically.

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 8 points 5 months ago

Yeah they're amazing! They definitely come with some intense needs but I think the world would be a better place if we all spent more time around babies.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 5 months ago

Haha. Yes, grandparents but also aunties and uncles and close friends. I've noticed that especially friends who have their own kids have been really keen. It's mostly been my girlfriend's female friends but my own two best friends (male) have been keen because they've been by my side in the journey and have been excited and wishing us well. For us it's not about spamming all of our contacts, just sharing with people who are close.

[-] Blizzard@lemmy.zip 11 points 5 months ago

Chicks like baby pictures and they are 50% of society.

[-] Ilandar@aussie.zone 5 points 5 months ago

Yes but the person you are replying to lives terminally online, and we all know women don't exist on the internet.

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] ChallengeApathy@infosec.pub 19 points 5 months ago

Based. This is something I may do down the road since it may be the only way I can get my friends and family on Signal.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] otter@lemmy.ca 16 points 5 months ago

We explained that we weren't ready for images of our child to end up in the wrong hands via non-private apps. Another thing was telling them that the one single friend who had already got on board with this had already been recieving pics...

This really is the best way. Once there's a REASON for extra security, people understand and want to learn more. Once it's installed, other day or day conversations can take place there

If you start off with low priority / day to day conversations, they aren't as willing to put in the energy

[-] 7heo@lemmy.ml 15 points 5 months ago

This really is the best way. Once there's a REASON for extra security, people understand and want to learn more.

No one cares. Nobody around you understands the security, the need for it, and the requirements. They will pretend, to see your kid. And then immediately and completely stop caring. It works for making people adopt your favourite messenger, yes. But nothing else.

[-] otter@lemmy.ca 7 points 5 months ago

No one cares. Nobody around you understands the security, the need for it, and the requirements.

Well, I disagree based on personal experiences. It doesn't work for everyone, but I'm not trying to help everyone through this method

[-] 7heo@lemmy.ml 13 points 5 months ago

I too, like OP, thought I found the grail when I got my kids. People suddenly accepted using my communication preferences. Only to find years later that they didn't. They didn't care, understand, or respected my wishes. Don't fool yourself: some people do care, but that is 10% tops.

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago

Yes, this exactly what has happened with one of my friends - after installing Session for the pics he is now messaging me on the app about unrelated stuff instead of using SMS in whatever his preinstalled iOS app is. Win!

[-] Diplomjodler@feddit.de 16 points 5 months ago

Cool. I'm a dude and pretty old, though. Having a baby might be a bit of a problem.

[-] stiephel@feddit.de 16 points 5 months ago

Just do it, you'll figure out the details later.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] wagoner@infosec.pub 14 points 5 months ago

We created a WordPress (installed on our server) blog which requires logins we have to approve. We share this with family members, with an email notification to them when something new is posted. They can post comments to the site.

We really actually did this for ourselves, as a kind of family photo album/blog, and so would have it even if no one else was invited :-)

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 6 points 5 months ago

Awesome, I was thinking about doing this on my VPS!

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Gazumi@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago

It's what I did 5 years ago. All family and friends now on Signal.

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] lemmyreader@lemmy.ml 11 points 5 months ago

Interesting story. t y for sharing. And what did you push this crowd of people into ? :) Signal, Matrix, XMPP, Briar, Session ?

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 5 months ago

We got them using Session. My girlfriend and I currently use Jami for text/calls/files but I found that Session worked more reliably with my friend who uses an iphone, so we went with that. So far so good!

In case you don't already know, to make voice calls with Session you have to enable it in the settings. I also recommend changing the theme from the stock 'bio-hazard' one!

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] SolarPunker@slrpnk.net 10 points 5 months ago

I'm imagine your granpa with f-droid and simpleXchat, fuckyeah you are a genious

[-] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 5 months ago

Lol Grandpa is even more of a technogrouch than I am and won't even have a phone! Grandma OTOH is already using jami on her gentoo installation.

[-] LeLachs@lemmy.ml 5 points 5 months ago

That is very cool. If I may ask, does she tinker with her Gentoo system?

[-] somegeek@programming.dev 9 points 5 months ago

Who's down to make babies?

[-] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 9 points 5 months ago

Yep. This works pretty well.

Got the whole family to convert to signal by using kid photo sharing as a catalyst.

[-] EpicFailGuy@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

A cat is fine too

[-] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 5 points 5 months ago

Damn of all the times to be an antinatalist... I guess it's Messenger 🤢 video chats with my family for the foreseeable future

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
324 points (100.0% liked)

Privacy

31279 readers
523 users here now

A place to discuss privacy and freedom in the digital world.

Privacy has become a very important issue in modern society, with companies and governments constantly abusing their power, more and more people are waking up to the importance of digital privacy.

In this community everyone is welcome to post links and discuss topics related to privacy.

Some Rules

Related communities

Chat rooms

much thanks to @gary_host_laptop for the logo design :)

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS