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Trans Men Are Being Fetishized More Than Ever on the Dating Scene
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this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
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Please excuse me if I inadvertently offend. I am a 51 year old bisexual man. I have been an active bisexual man since the late eighties. My wife teases me because of twelve serious relationships I have had with persons born female, ten have been queer. Six of them would probably identify as trans men now but this was the nineties. I also casually dated a lot other queer women, some of which have now officially transitioned.
Ok, all that preamble is in the service of this question. Is "having a type" the same as fetishing? If not, is fetishing like what some do to black men and "BBC hunting"?
If this is an offensive question, please let me know and I will delete. As I said, I am 51. I am from such a different era (which sucked for bi men) that I might as well be from a different planet. I just hate being ignorant on a subject that has been such a big part of my life.
Having a type and fetishizing definitely isn’t the same. The difference is, when you have a type, you date people with a certain appearance or with a certain style, etc. because you think they’re hot. Everybody has a type. The fact that they might be trans is not inherently part of that process, although of course, indirectly, it can be. If you’re attracted to masculinity, hang around other queer people a lot and don’t really care what’s in someone’s pants, masculine, queer women and trans men tend to show up in your dating pool.
With fetishes, the most important thing to them is that the person is trans. If they weren’t, there’d be no interest. From what I understand, the main reason most trans ppl don’t like dating someone who fetishizes them is, that they aren’t seen as men or women but explicitly trans men or trans women. Sometimes not even that.
Also, yes, "BBC hunting" is a form of fetishization.
If I understand you correctly, it's OK to find someone sexy irrespective of whether they're trans, but not because they're trans.
Let‘s say it like that: If you find a trans person hot but you wouldn’t if they looked the same but had a different set of genitals, you‘re probably fetishizing, not just having a type.
You are allowed to find different things attractive about different people. Them being trans or not just shouldn’t be the dealbreaker.
So wait, if I'm trying to find a dude that looks like Link and is a 5'2" twink, it's not fetishizing trans men even though 99% of the guys who fit that bill are trans?
Don't overthink it. You like what u like. The other person is basically kink shaming and I'm not sure why. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to trans ppl for being trans. It's the same as liking someone for having big boobs. Just don't make it weird and toxic for your partner and it's usually all good.
I mean, I’m not the authority on that but I’d say yea.
Fetishizing also comes with an element of objectification.
There’s nothing wrong with being into short feminine men. Just be prepared for some of them to possibly be cis, treat them like fellow human beings, and be normal about a 6’2” broad shouldered trans guy too.
I'm not going to be normal about ANY 6'2" broad shouldered guy
Got it.
Thank you.
having a type is not the same thing, the essence of fetishizing is objectifying a body type without the consent or consideration of the person who owns the body
e.g. "it would be a shame to waste those great tits of yours" is a fetishization because it's only taking into account the viewer's perspective, not the owner's. a lot of trans men feel really dysphoric about having breasts and, quite frankly, it is only their business if they get top surgery or not. if they ask for your opinion, you can give it, but it should probably emphasize their happiness anyways because they're the ones who have to live in their body, at the end of the day
basically, as long as you treat the person you're seeing with respect and consideration for their happiness, you don't really need to worry about it