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Your apology is an insult
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this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2023
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egg_irl — Memes about being trans people in denial and other eggy topics
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!egg_irl
!egg_irl is for widely relatable memes about questioning one's gender or being an egg (a trans person in denial) as well as other eggy topics.
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Sibling Meme Communities
- !traa (or search for https://lemmy.ca/c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns in your instance if the link doesn't work)
Sibling Non-Meme Communities
- !transgender (or search for https://lemmy.ml/c/transgender in your instance if the link doesn't work)
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Community Resources:
- The Trevor Project / 1-866-488-7386 — A US-based crisis prevention and intervention hotline and community
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- Trans Resources — A directory of resources for trans, non-binary, and gender-non-conforming people
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory — A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers
- Trans Resistance Network — A US-based mutual-aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project — Advice about insurance claims for trans healthcare procedures
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library — A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document
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When people do this it's important to say something to them about it to send the message that what they did is not acceptable, otherwise it sends the message that "corrective misgendering" is acceptable or accepted when it isn't.
"It's not acceptable to apologize for mis gendering someone"
Fuckin wat
It’s not that, it is when someone (correctively misgenders) as in they got the right gender and then when they catch a hint you might be trans or see something that points to your AGAB they switch it up and miss gender you. That is what the OP is about and I think this is what the comment was also referring to aswell.
The OP is based on the common occurrence of this for MTF individuals, especially those that have grown out our hair… while someone may gender us correctly from behind, they sometimes (correctively misgender) when you turn around. This can be done with the best intentions in mind, like they thought they misgendered a guy as a girl, so they apologize despite the fact that the apology is in fact an insult at that point.
I remember the first time someone called me miss in public I felt amazing, the second time it happened it crashed when they apologized and said sir. Instead of getting off work that day giddy because I was called miss, I spent the rest of the night disgusted trying to deduce what features made them question their first thought.
They didn't do that though, they correctly gendered the person then misgendered them AKA corrective misgendering, it's a transphobic tactic to make it seem like you're trying to be nice but you're actually being hurtful and invalidating.
for example? what would you say?
I am personally not in a postilion to correct people right now as I am still using my dead name with some people... in the future though I would LOVE to just say "no need to apologize, you got it right the first time." Keeping in mind that for those that are working retail, it is probably best to politely correct whenever possible.
Now just out right aggressive shit like when I heard some guy behind my back say something along the lines of...
(was going to leave a very upsetting example here but decided to spare you the example, but let's just say that while I am boymode-ing often it is obvious to many that I am either trans or queer based on my appearance)
...as I was still working I just turned around and while my voice and words were nothing but polite... I am sure my expression did the trick because the dude shut up fast.
(I hate my body (my height being one thing I wish I could change), but in situations like that, an upset expression from a 6'2" person is somewhat more affective)
I giggled (and I'm sorry you hate your body, I understand your feelings, can't do much about it except offering you hugs ♥️)! I doubt that would work for me as I'm literally the opposite of a strong person sooo nobody would get scared lol 😂
I'm quite different since I've always been quite the rebellious enby myself and I'm pretty quick to call most people out when it comes to crap like this. Though I actually didn't change my name since I quite like my name (Julian).
Polite: "No you were correct the first time"
Spicy version: "Wow thanks for deliberately misgendering me while trying to seem polite about it" *with as much sarcasm as I can muster
Both of these are equally justified in my situation being that I do wear pronouns, and I am quite obviously an androgynous enby. So in that manner this type of thing would very much be intentional.