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this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2023
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Transfem
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I can't afford an endo, I can really only get my levels checked which seems fine, but I feel like maybe my body can't do anything with all the estrogen in my body
That is possible... I have heard of transfems who don't have the typical response to HRT.
Still, I would suggest pursuing all other avenues before giving up.
In many places, if you're poor, you can get some kind of health coverage that includes specialist visits (with referral from your PCP). Ive been broke af before and was able to see a podiatrist for my ankle thanks to state medicaid -- in a red state where they constantly undermine medicaid. Is it a hassle? Yes. Is it worth it? Also yes.
You could try other routes of estradiol. Patches, injections, pills, I've switched several times and each time is the start of new changes. Increasing dosage, taking a DHT blocker, adding an AA, even with low T levels you might see a benefit. Try progesterone. Endocrinology is still kinda black magic like most medical fields when you dig deep enough. Nobody has all the answers.
And honey what I would do beyond all of that is attack your dysphoria from other angles. Find a way to distract yourself from whatever HRT may or may not be doing. Because it works so slowly and subtly. You may be 6 months to a year from seeing big changes - what happens until then?
You need to work on things to boost your self-esteem: clothes, makeup, self-care, I know money is required for almost everything and that sucks. My friend just gave me a leather jacket and skirt... Being a goth/punk girl I crave this look. Trying them on was omg, pure euphoria. I look way better than I think. You do too, you just gotta fight to learn that. Find your style, find your confidence <3
What if HRT will never be effective for me, like what if there isn't any hrt that can help me. I've switched to injections which I've gotten some breast growth, my skin also cleared but after 2 years I would of expected more changes. I'm assuming I can't be helped and I should just give up. I can't get Medicaid right now as that would fuck up so many other things.
Sounds like you might not have had the most realistic expectations going in...
If you've had breast growth and skin improvements (softening, clearing etc), those are the main super obvious differences you'll see. Approaching three years, my breasts have increased a cup size and are shaping nicely, with no signs of stopping -- so don't assume it's all over after two years.
I have noticed more subtle changes like: face shape changing slightly due to fat and muscle changes, eye shape and size changing slightly, some subtle thinning of body hair, some thickening of hair on scalp. But these are very minor, when I feel dysphoric I don't even notice them.
What are the other changes you expected? Maybe they can be achieved or simulated by other means.