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King 👑 (discuss.online)
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Dating as a guy in your early 20s is a fucking minefield. Now that I'm 30 it's better because nobody lies about being in their upper 20s or 30s, anyone who would be illegal is easy to spot because people under about 22 look like actual children to me now, and if absolutely needed it's easy enough to just take any new dating prospect to a bar and let the bartender card them.

But back in my early 20s none of that was true. Half the women on dating apps were lying about their age. Judging age visually between about 16 and 20 can get really fuzzy. Also people who were 20 were still in my age range so taking them to a bar to get carded doesn't work. Completely turned me off dating for a while.

[-] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

if absolutely needed it’s easy enough to just take any new dating prospect to a bar and let the bartender card them.

FYI this is not allowed to be used as a defense in court in some states (e.g. mine). If you card them and they have a fake ID, you're still criminally culpable for anything untoward.

[-] Oka@sopuli.xyz 20 points 1 week ago

They break the law, they lie, and you get in trouble still?

[-] DudleyMason@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago

Punishing people for sex that their imaginary friend wouldn't approve of is far more important than justice or fairness to most people.

[-] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It's not that blatant:

F.S.S. 794.021:

Ignorance or belief as to victim's age no defense

When, in this chapter, the criminality of conduct depends upon the victim's being below a certain specified age, ignorance of the age is no defense. Neither shall misrepresentation of age by such person nor a bona fide belief that such person is over the [...]

[-] testaccount789@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago

Best thing, though unfortunately not quite possible, would be to check each other's ID.

  1. You can be certain about each other's age.
  2. Should they harm you, you now know who the other person is, and they get the same reassurance.

But that conversation wouldn't work.

[-] Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 1 week ago

You can be certain about each other’s age.

...unless they have a fake ID. Which in turn is not in any way a defense should you perform certain acts with them that are illegal due to age. You're just supposed to be able to sense the difference between someone slightly above and slightly below the line in your jurisdiction.

[-] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 6 points 1 week ago

Wait, regular young people didn't used to ask for ID on dates? I guess I was just paranoid.

[-] MJKee9@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

The problem with this strategy is you can still be prosecuted for statutory rape even if you relied on a fake ID.

[-] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I can confirm this is the case in my state.

[-] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

FYI this is not allowed to be used as a defense in court in some states (e.g. mine). If you card them and they have a fake ID, you're still criminally culpable for anything untoward.

[-] jdr@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago

Unforch, knowing someone's government name is disappointingly ineffective at preventing or remediating harm, in my experience.

this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2026
1008 points (100.0% liked)

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