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this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2026
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that would be our problem not yours. i would recommend you keep your nose out of it if you dont have plans to get bottom surgery yourself. someone might construe your "concern" as transphobic pearl clutching. those statistics do exist and trans people are well informed long before their surgery actually happens. i think most cis people would be truly amazed at the sophistication of bottom surgery these days.
Well it does concern me somewhat as my daughter wants to do this. And as a loving parent as well as since she's a dependent due to disabilities, I feel that I should be knowledgeable and somewhat involved. I'm by no means forbidding it, and I really want what's best for my daughter. If this will really make her happy, I'm all for it. But I've had knee surgery and I am amazed at what they can reconstruct, but years later I still have scars, discomfort and mobility problems.
SRS has a substantially lower surgical regret rate than knee replacement surgeries.
That's interesting, and I totally believe it. Knee replacement recovery is much longer than the 2-3 weeks they claim for mtf srs. And some people end up with further problems that require more surgery to fix. And artificial knee joints only last a decade max and need to be replaced. But it's also very different because no one cares about their knee except that it works without pain. I wonder the amount of complications that a srs patient would ensure and still be happy because of the psychological improvements. And of course those psychological improvements are very real and matter. I do have a hard time understanding that and maybe that's just because I'm older and my genitalia really doesn't matter to me as much as it once did. Like there's plenty else about myself that I'd like to change, like my weight, painful joins, weak muscles, saggy skin, age spots, etc, before I'd worry about the shape of my genitalia. But I understand that everyone has different perspectives and I'm ok with that.
if she is an adult its literally not your decision at all. you shouldnt be getting any say. you can be as involved as she wants you to be, but your role in supporting her is to advocate for what she wants not to make decisions for her, no matter what the risks are. i mean jesus youre comparing srs to your knee surgery. yeah its surgery, but believe it or not people have way more emotional investment in their junk than their knee. what if you had a horrible injury that made it so your genitals werent even shaped right anymore and didnt work at all, but there was a surgery that would make it right? can you honestly argue in good faith that you would let anyone stop you from going through with it because it might leave some uncomfortable scars, or even that it might not work? yet you would imply that you might want to do just that to your daughter. its an arrogant and patronizing position to take over someone you ostensibly care about, whatever their situation.
Knees are pretty important, really. But yes, I get your point. I'm not going to stop her from making her own choice, but I am going to point out if I think she's misinformed (or more mis-believing) the risks, and actual outcomes. I also really worry that she will pin her hopes that having bottom surgery will cure her self esteem issues and if it doesn't, she'll be mentally worse off. I'd love it if I could really trust the medical system for dealing with all this well, but I don't.
Ok yeah the advice I always heard about bottom surgery (and found to be true) is that all it'll change is your genitals. It won't make you pass better unless you're in something super tight or naked. It won't make you feel better about yourself except genital dysphoria.
Has she had open conversations with post op trans women about it? That may be a good step for her.
She's talked to many people on line, but who knows what's real. There seem to be a lot of people who wish they had bottom surgery, but not nearly as many who actually have. She sees a psychologist regularly so I hope they will thrash this out, and it's still years out due to the process here in Canada. But I worry that makes it even more unstoppable - when she finally gets to the top of the list, she won't want to risk losing her spot; the momentum will blast past any concerns.
As a mother we care about all of their health physical and mental. It’s not unreasonable you ask the right questions when caring for them. Sometimes they can be vulnerable, same with elders. Having someone’s watch over events is fair.