Ii dunno right now I feel down, well to be honest being apathetic too and I think it worsen the ADHD symptoms too (that is not diag yet but, I have too much traits to not think I don't have it). There are some things I known that some things are partially responsible (like relationships - even though it's getting better, living at my parents, my divorce).
I've been feeling this for a bit lately and dysphoria hits hard whenever I feel down and everything. It's becoming hard to do important things for myself. I had a few days ago, I had some bad thoughts which led me at some point to call the local suicide hotline. They did nothing really unless I would plan act on it. (only telling me to find some help trying to redirect getting therapy and a psychiatrist. Which is pointless because finding one fast would lead me with someone unsafe where I live - I had a testimony from another trans person. Competent would require me to go far and last criteria safe for trans people - how about finding a golden egg? Would probably bit easier...)
I know I don't want to act on these thoughts. I'm on my own to find help (requires a freaking lot of efforts even if I told these censored I was having more and more trouble to do things for me.
I hope my GP will give me some SSRI that matches my need. I'll try to explain my situation in 2 days. I had taken an appointment 2 weeks earlier but that's long when you're down.
I pushed myself again these 3 last days to help my love which needed me to escape her abusive husband. It still left me physically and mentally exhausted. It's still easier to help others than myself but still hard.
I don't know what I'm looking for typing this(probably some help, a bit of vent too). Maybe you have practical advice while waiting for medication to get and to work. I'll get through this I know that, always have so far.
Anyway I hope your days are better than mines and I wish you all some happyness.
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, sister. 🫂
On the other hand, you are fighting, working on improvements, which is really important. As you can imagine, there's no silver bullet, no magical solution. But we can show you that you're not alone, and that we emphasize.
If you just wanted to vent, you've reached the end of this comment.
Tap to see advice, if you're interested, however
In my experience, venting already helps. Writing things down, preferably even rereading and editing the text, helps you reflect and organize your thoughts.There's also some general tips, like getting enough sleep, drinking water, eating healthy. Personally I always felt those advises feel half-ass'd and generic, but have you ever seen someone hangry? Or noticed feeling sleep deprived? Seriously, cover the basics first, it really does make a difference (increasingly as you get older). I know I regret every time I eat potato chips "for comfort". And then you learn that top athletes are literally going vegan because it's legal doping.
In case of a mental emergency situation, I've been told by hospital staff that you SHOULD visit a hospital. Yes, you are worth it. No, you are not wasting their time, it's literally their job. (I'm in Germany, for context, and it was about a friend's mental break downs / panic attacks, not suicide)
Don't schedule too much workload in your free time, set strict limits and reserve a lot of time to relax. I know one depressive person who struggled with that: helping friends with random things 10 times a week and feeling burned out.
My guess is that I feel some self of worth when I help others. But can't feel it for myself and probably my reward system in my brain is fucked up.
I've been compensating with eating sugar but it doesn't really help because it ends up in a vicious circle where I need more sugar to get the same rush and feeling bad with the sugar crash / feeling bad because of body problems too.