How to handle people using they/them instead of gendered pronouns? (piefed.blahaj.zone)

submitted 5 days ago by compostgoblin@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/trans

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This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.

I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?

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[-] athatet@lemmy.zip 11 points 5 days ago

The thing is, linguistically, everyone is a ‘they them’. Just like how you are always a ‘you’ and I am always a ‘me’.

[-] tracelr402@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 days ago

makes sense on paper, but we're talking about cis people casually degendering trans people this way while carefully preserving the gender of other cis people

this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2026

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