I’m not disagreeing with anything you’re saying, I just want to clarify, because I think we’re talking past each other. I tried my best to express that systemic issues are indeed far greater and not comparable to these interpersonal ones. The point I was making, was that dismissing their notion outright as some false flag operation is hurtful and only deepens the actual systemic issues by alienating potential allies.

To explain why this dismissal matters, I will elaborate on my personal experience. This will be long and messy. If after this you’re still just restating the same point we both agree on, then it’s probably best to leave it there.

Being bullied for being “girly” and “gay” was the least of my issues, I could have kept living in my assigned role, even if unhappy. My real issue was me developing a seething pathological hatred for men. Society treated me like a threat by default, because of my assigned gender, and eventually I started believing it. That I was a literal monster, that it wasn’t just some expectation, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, something seriously broken in my head, simply for being born male. I was never misogynist, in fact I always looked up to women. And yet, this belief of inherent wrongness, was my hook into the right wing. Teen me didn’t believe in trans rights, because he believed all “males” must suffer. He didn’t help anyone suffering from injustice, because he believed he was so exceptionally wrong, that self erasure was the best possible outcome. He believed in a strict hierarchy where his mere existence was a death sentence. He was a hateful bigot that celebrated cruelty. He became a part of the problem he hated so much. And all that could have been prevented if only a single person didn’t dismiss him. That was all it took to eventually heal me, one person showing compassion.

I sadly can’t say anything about racism, as that is simply not an area I have experience with, living in an extremely mono ethnic country (ofc as you mentioned, my ancestors might have a clue why that is). But it’s not hard to imagine someone developing similar beliefs when taught from a young age that some people are predisposed to hurt the things they care for.