this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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My comment advice was just what has personal helped me deal with SH ideations. I don't know a way to stop bigotry. It hurts to be invalidated and othered. I recommend building a stronger emotional buffer, do things that bring you satisfaction. I wouldn't be able to deal with existing if it wasn't for my hobbies. I have terrible self-esteem, so i find that doing things that make me feel intelligent, or self-confident, decrease the risk of getting super drained and SHing.
Drag has a frustration, even here in this community, with how problems get medicalised. A person is misgendered and harassed, and everyone says "get help", and they clearly mean "see a doctor", as if doctors are the only kind of help that exists. Everyone wants to talk about therapy and counselling.
It's... gross. If someone is attacked, the problem isn't their reaction. Being a victim of online violence isn't a disease. It doesn't mean something is wrong with the victim. The problem is with the one doing the harassing. But all anyone can talk about is what the victim should do. Not what the attacker should do. That's not right.
Drag told drag's friends about this thread and they didn't like it any more than drag did.
Recommending medical help is good and does have its place. But drag hates when it's used as a thought-terminating cliche. "We told the hurt person to go see a doctor. Welp, that's everything that can be done. This conversation is over now. The therapist will magic away all the pain and we can ignore it now."
My initial comment was directly responding to you asking for help. Since I don't know any better way to help you I went to advice. My intention was share to the basics of what helped me regain some stability in my life, whereas I think I came across as cold/fake. I wasn't trying to minimize or suggest that you are supposed to be "fixed", I wanted to make sure I covered all bases for what I thought were impactful when experiencing anxiety/depression/abuse. I mentioned hobbies, friends, social safety net, online or local resources, groups, and professional.
I was working under the assumption that you had no resources because I thought it would be the best way to respond quickly without waiting to ask questions like "do you have a therapist?" I get that it is annoying to get the similar redundant advice. I didn't read the full comment section because my anxiety started spiking. I am sorry that I contributed to that.
The way I deal with abuse is to harden my shell and make sure to reduce any chances of getting hurt. Avoidance to the max. I sucks to feel hurt, but it is impossible to avoid it all.
My words were sincerely my attempt at advice. What drove me to respond in the first place was reading the spoilered-out intrusive thought. I literally went, "how am I reading my own intrusive thought from someone else entirely?"
Sorry for stressing you out. Drag didn't mean to imply you were a bad example of that. Drag was pretty triggered after the initial "get help" comment. That one wasn't helpful to anyone, while drag thinks there's a good chance your comment will be seen by someone who does need to see it. Drag chose to respond to that initial comment broadly and refuse to acknowledge the implied specificity, but drag supposes most people don't take words literally enough to see what drag was doing. All they could see was the subtext that drag was choosing to ignore.
Feels nice to be told you feel the same way about people in online spaces perceiving your pain. It's awful. Call someone a troll, and you can pretend their every gasp and sob is manipulation. You don't have to care about the consequences of your actions. Causing pain is good. Fuck that thinking. It's one of the reasons why drag doesn't really believe in trolls. Drag's seen the belief in trolls turn people into monsters. Drag will leave drag's empathy on, even if it gets drag hurt, because hurting an innocent person is worse.