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HRT has changed my perception of my own gender (self.mtf)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by undercoverkobold to c/mtf
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I've been admittedly struggling with my identity as a whole, especially as I approach my 1 year mark on Estrogen. So far it's the right call for me, but I've discovered that I'm becoming more comfortable with my masculine traits and even find myself binding my breasts that I've waited so many years to have, while the next day I'll do the complete opposite and present femininely.

I feel like I have no consistent sense of self and often have a hard time even knowing what's going on in my head haha

Constantly trying to figure out if I'm a boy, girl, both, or neither, because I admittedly struggle with my body in various fronts. One day I'm too feminine, the next I look too much like a man, or I'm not androgynous enough.

Frankly, it's exhausting. I used to think I was just a woman but it doesn't seem to fit as I continue hrt.

It feels odd to express all of this but, I've not really talked to many trans people as I'm chronically shy. Is there anyone who can relate to what I'm going through?

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[-] Luella 6 points 1 year ago

This is totally relatable. I see gender as a whole as pretty nebulous. For myself, it is anything but easy to understand, and terrifyingly difficult to explain to others. What I hear from you sounds gender-fluid, it may or may not be a label that resonates with you.

It can also be beneficial to see your gender expression as independent from your gender identity. You might still be a woman, but express masc if that's just the vibe for that day. There shouldn't be rules. Trans people have suffered enough from gender expectations and pressure. Becoming trans doesn't remove them, it only shifts them to a new goalpost.

Personally I love titling myself as Non-binary. It's an umbrella term, independently it isn't very descriptive. I don't resonate with gender-fluid, demi-girl, bigender, etc... I sort of see myself as Non-binary as a n act of protest against gender. It's a social construct as far as I'm concerned, and putting more thought into it feels like a disservice to myself. I spent enough years searching desperately for a label that hasn't been created yet. It is exhausting, It is constrictive, I don't want to do that to myself. I wanna do whatever it is I want. My body, my choice, my life, and it damn better be my right too.

Hopefully you figure it out. I technically never did, but what I have found is a path to make myself a lot happier. I hope you can find the same at the very least. Sending you virtual hugs 🤗

this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023
72 points (100.0% liked)

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