It's been about six and a half months that I've been on T and I have seen great progress.
I have been on 25mg of 1% gel this entire time, but my T levels (last time they were checked, which has been a while) have shown up in normal cis male levels, so it seems that my body is processing it as it would a normal dose (50mg of 1%).
My voice has changed some and singing got a lot harder. It's gotten better since but is still not where I would like it to be. I hear it'll get better with time. I think I will likely end up a baritone (pre-t was a tenor on the high end)
Been getting hairier, but not much substantial growth on my face. Mainly on my stomach. Arm and leg hair has gotten thicker but since it's blond it's not very noticeable.
Shoulders look somewhat broader. My chest has gotten substantially smaller and looks more like moobs than boobs now. Other than that body fat redistribution has been slow and is not happening as quickly as I would like.
Self image has improved a lot. I can stand to look at myself in the mirror without immediately recoiling now. I can actually bear to look at photographs of myself now, even when I'm not binding and am in PJs. I see me in those photos, a guy, not some external otherworldly being who I don't immediately recognize. That has made me have to face some of my flaws that I previously ignored and discounted because I was so separated from my sense of self. It's painful, but the good kind that helps you to grow.
Bottom growth has definitely happened, and my junk is definitely bigger. Acts more like a penis now with erections and the likes. Gets a prickly feeling from time to time which is uncomfortable. I'm assuming that means growth.
Face looks more masc, acne is different. I get neck acne now and it tends to be flatter than it was before.
Definitely have boy stank now. I smell pretty bad after less time sweating. More "sour" body odor.
My hairline is slowly receding. It looks good for now but it will likely progress till I'm bald. Oh well.
All and all, I feel like it takes a lot less effort to pass now. That frees up a lot of physical and emotional effort that I previously devoted to passing and I can now live more freely. I've still got a long ways to go but progress is slow and steady.
Sometimes I have worries that what if I wake up one day and decide I'm not trans and want to detransition and then I've ruined my body. I've realized that when I actually pay attention to how I feel, it feels so right. I feel happy or neutral when I think of how my body will be in the future and the changes I've seen presently. That's how I know this was the right choice for me, despite all the doubts I and external people kept trying to bring up to deter me from it.
Couldn't agree more with you on this point. I have worries as I think many of us do that this wasn't actually right for me and I've permanently altered my body in a way that is def not gender conforming (aka I have boobs now)
But when I take a step back and think of how I felt before, and how I feel now. It's so contest. I found self love after searching for 30 years because of transitioning, especially medically.
It's cliche to say at this point, but HRT saved my life and now I can enjoy my moments with my son ❤️
One thing I did to quell those fears is ask myself for every individual change whether I would regret it in that hypothetical scenario. Even if I change my mind on the gender thing (which I won't, but y'know) I still prefer my body and mind post-HRT over pre-HRT.