So, I'm baby trans. I'm exploring, at what feels like a glacial pace, but feel the urge to do something more. More, different clothes, idk. **But ** I think I have this fear of looking ridiculous with something and just hating myself and getting depressed, so I just don't.

I was thinking I was "afraid of feeling dysphoric", but today I started wondering, it's that fear actually the dysphoria?

Bonus thought; the wanting to explore, but not knowing what to do, feels a little bit like when you have an itch on your back and try to get someone to help but they more of chase it around until you just give up. It's like that. My gender is itchy and I can't figure out how to scratch it 🤣

Title says it all, when I apply makeup it honestly looks like regular me, maybe with a smoother skin and less beard shadow. Lipstick helps to stand out more but idk, am I doing something wrong? On another note I don’t have blush or eyeliner (the one eyeliner I bought yesterday ended up being completely dried out so no luck with that :/ ) I guess i expected my face to look more feminine and less…me, but idk am I having too high expectations? If not, what other stuff I can do to achieve that?

Link to my first post. When we were sharing our new year's resolutions with each other earlier this month, I told her I want to he more true to myself, and more honest with her. I told her she deserves that, and that I love her.

We have talked about having "a conversation" soon. For us, we understand this to mean at least 2-3 hours where we sit down intending to talk without being interrupted. Time has continued to get away from us as we are settling into being parents as well with a 2 month old.

We have each made mentions of, "the conversation", and how we haven't forgotten, just haven't had the right moment yet.

Girls, I am just so proud of myself for taking this step. Even though nothing has really happened yet, it feels like more has happened in the last month than in my entire life.

Hey all,

So I'm a nervous wreck waiting in the waiting room to start talking to an endocrinologist about HRT.

I know I want this. And I believe I need this to live but I am so paralyzed with anxiety 😬

Edit: thank you everyone for your support and kind words! That means the world to me ❤️

Just got home. The appointment went amazingly! My doctor took the time to listen to me and even went out of her way to refer me to vocal training with the hospitals speech therapist because I happened to say my voice was dysphoric. I didn't even know they had a speech therapist that does vocal feminization! Plus my insurance will most likely cover it 😄

She was kind, respectful and didn't trivialize my experience as a person or a woman.

Just need to wait for blood results to come back and I'll be in the needle club.

I'm starting off with (I think) 2mg injected in the thigh once a week and 100mg of Spiro a day with potentially adding progesterone if needed or wanted.

I only wanted to be trans. It's just trans OCD and I'm gaslighting myself because I think transfems are cool. I didn't have any signs growing up anyways. I wish I was female, but I'm still cis though.

Much like being bi or having ADHD, I had a narrow view on what being trans meant. I thought all trans people knew they were trans from a young age. I thought that trans people had conscious reasons for wanting to be another gender. I thought wanting to be a woman was different from being a woman. I thought I could control what I want and who I was. I thought I had freedom to choose.

It's earth shattering to realize just how little freedom we have. I didn't get to choose who I fell for. I didn't choose to be trans. I didn't accept who I was was when I was younger because I thought conformity was the only option. I always wished I could be "normal" to not feel so alone around other people.

When I crushed on a male childhood friend, I didn't recognize it as such because I didn't comprehend "gayness" as an option. I picked male characters in video games because I didn't see female characters as an option. I couldn't have long hair because I was a boy and boys like short hair. I had a crush on a girl, so I must be a straight male.

For as far back as I remember, I thought I was bad and wrong. It's why I couldn't make friends with the boys. If I spent time with a girl, it was weird and I had a crush on her. I had to fit in with the dudes. There was no other option. I looked up to kids that rejected the norms, but I could never be like them. I had no confidence. I was shy and wanted to be invisible.

I couldn't control my feelings because I tried to disconnect from them. I honestly didn't know how I felt or what I wanted most of the time because it was usually negative and painful. When I had definite desires that went against the norm, I assumed they were wrong and invalid. I learned to hide what I wanted, but I still sucked at hiding my unhappiness.

I've had to relearn how to listen to my heart, and part of that was accepting that I don't need to be normal. I'm a person, but I'm not like most people. I'm not average. I fall beyond the standard deviation. Normality alone is useless. Only morality makes a person good or bad.

Since coming out, I've felt alive. I've had externally stressful moments, but they're nothing compared to my moments of dysphoria. Dysphoria can kill me, but euphoria can protect me just as well. Learning oneself after purposefully losing it isn't easy, but it's worth it.

Was looking through an old hard drive today and I found some old pictures of me from before I transitioned. I only have a few of them because I didn't like taking pictures of myself back then (hmm, I wonder why? /s). I thought about deleting them because I don't like how I looked back then, but in a weird way they also made me happy. I think it is because they serve as a reminder as to how far I have come in the four years since I realized that I am trans. Comparing them with current pictures of myself, it is very obvious that I am much happier now.

I also found some old picrews that I made of myself shorty after I realized that I am trans. These made me really happy for multiple reasons. One is that they brought back a lot of memories. The other is helped me figure something out. I've been trying to figure out exactly when I had the realization and the best I had beforehand was sometime in late 2019, but those pictures are dated October 28th which makes them the earliest evidence of me being trans that I have. I made like thirty of them but here are two of them that I like.

Past me would be so happy to know that I actually look like this now:

This is an image that I think I used to come out to a few people. It's hard to see, but I decided to add some estradiol to my mouth:

Anyways, I just felt like sharing. I'm curious if anyone else also used picrew at first to explore their gender. Also if you have any transition related stories you feel like sharing, I'd love to read those too.

Today was honestly fantastic. My partner and I went to a Renaissance festival with the kiddo. I was excited to be out of town and not have to run into anyone, so I decided to get dolled up for the occasion. I haven’t gone out femme a lot, so it was really something to look forward to for me. I definitely have been blessed with the boobs so most of my outfits are something feminine as an undershirt, throw on the Gender Dysphoria hoodie and call it good enough, but I wasn’t happy with that today.

I wore a nice wig (alopecia is a bitch and new growth is unflattering), did my face, had my partner help with the eye makeup (I still tend to lean too hard on old scene kid makeup habits and she likes to poke fun at it), got it all set, wore a nice pink v cut shirt under a blouse that was dark on the bottom and see through up top and a pair of bleached white skinny jeans. Wet got there and went to a show, I was getting a little nervous so I decided to have a mead and get the hardest most awkward part of the day out of the way.

The bartender scrutinized my ID something fierce, studying intently the picture of a cadaver splayed out in multiple security features with various opacity. Vacant sunken “kill me I’m already dead” eyes, a beard that hadn’t been shaved in months, basically bald if not for a few wispy Homer hairs that defiantly stayed behind. He looks back at me. I’m wearing prescription shades because my eyes are terrible and it’s very bright. He finally found what he was looking for, something to verify on this ID without being overt about things.

“Can I see your eyes?” He makes a gesture to pull the glasses down.

He smiles, “There you are! You look gorgeous today!”

I got my wristband and from there it all had to be easy, no more ID or any of that.

We had fun, took the kid around to see things, they got to fight with some foam weapons against this adorable person with an androgynous fit and a furry tail, the highlight of their day.

Also got to ride a horse, dig for treasure, all the fun things you can take a kid to do at a renaissance fair.

I had forgotten my phone, so I don’t have any pictures like I had wanted, but it was a good day.

Came home, cooked some dinner, watched a classic movie with my partner, told them goodnight, and I’ve been sitting here for an hour and a half out more trying to convince myself to go take a shower and end the day.

I don’t want to though.

I’ve waited so long, dreamed, hoped, cried, worried, so much, so so long. I get to have my night at the ball, and it’s midnight already.

I know it’s silly, but I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to take it all off and have to look at myself, with the cruel unadulterated eyes of dysphoria.

I spent my life with my only makeup being the cinders my oppressors pushed me into while mocking me for wanting to be pretty. I want more than these rags I was given, the rags I never thought I could be better than, the rags I bitterly still hide in most days.

I want to wear something gorgeous, I want to look like it was made for me, I want to drink, and dance, and socialize, but I want most of all, to not have to go back at the stroke of midnight.

It’s not that easy. I don’t have an army of rats to make me fine clothes, I don’t have money, or means, but there are things I do have, even if I can’t always remember them.

I really need to start getting an actual wardrobe, because it is apparently more important to me than I realized.

Hey ladies ❤️

I have my first consult with an endocrinologist on Monday to start HRT! I'm so excited to begin this part of the journey but have one snag that I'm having trouble getting past.

My wife and I are trying to store some of my sperm in case we want a second child in a few years. Obviously I need to do this before I can start E, but am having issues finding a bank near me and figuring out how much to store, how to prep and all that.

So a couple questions for those that went through the banking process before starting their journeys:

How much should I bank for IUI to "effectively guarantee" there will be enough stored to get a positive pregnancy? I've heard that IUI has a really low success rate, but I have no idea how much sperm is used per session and exactly how much I should store to make sure we don't run out?

Any one have experience using a mail in service? And if so, what was the process like? And are their labs out there that accept insurance?

What do I need to do in order to prep for deposit? I've read that abstinence for 5-7 days is ideal. What about medical tests or referrals?

Generally, any recommendations on mail in labs would be really helpful. Preferably with a lower up front cost for the mail kit, washing and prep, and maybe a year of storage to start off?

Thank you for any insights ❤️ this is my last step before I can dive into HRT and want to get to my biHRTday so bad 😭

• [x] Blahaj Lemmy transition
• [ ] medical transition
• [ ] social transition
• [ ] legal transition

Jokes aside though, while I'm struggling to find therapists for an official diagnosis (which I need for hrt to happen) I unexpectedly got an appointment with an endocrinologist already.

While that won't get me anywhere in the foreseeable future, it's still nice to have this first talk, and get all the important things out of the way ahead of time.

So, what are some important infos I should give them?

• Medical history: Past illnesses and diagnoses, known allergies, medication I take
• My personal goals, what I wish to achieve
• How does my current day to day life look in terms of physical fitness and mental health

And what are some important questions I should ask them?

• Potential risks and side effects
• Does any of the info I gave them conflict with hrt
• What changes can I expect, and how quickly
• How often should I have follow-up appointments for which purpose, either twith them or with my GP
• Where do I go to freeze some of my genderfluid, in case I want to have biological children one day
• How would a change in calorie intake affect the changes hrt introduces (primarily in terms of fat gain)
• Are there any lifestyle changes I should make to ensure everything will go as smoothly as possible
• What support resources are available for further questions that may go beyond endocrinology expertise

Do any of you lovely ladies have anything to add?
I want to make the most out of this first appointment even if it won't make the whole process go forward by much.

At least everything will be taken care of by the time I'm officially allowed to take E.

I was out helping my grandma do some shopping when an employee came up and asked, "are you ladies finding everything ok?"

I am not out to my family but I have been on E for a number of months and got a bob recently, so I guess that was enough for a stranger to guess woman over man. I was even wearing a big Carhartt jacket my parents got me because it's v cold rn, so it was definitely not my outfit!

Felt pretty cool, and I just wanted to share!

Hey friends ❤️

Bit of an off topic question, but could use some help from my sisters.

Coming up is the first Valentine's day that my wife and I have decided to celebrate. It's also the first one since I cracked my egg.

I'm weirdly at a loss for how to celebrate and what gifts to get my wife. Specifically, I would love to find a gift or make a meaningful memory for her as a thank you for her devotion and love for me. Especially after coming out and being my authentic self.

Does anyone have any ideas? Best I have thought of is a set of matching jewelry or maybe little love notes hidden around the house about why I love her.

Not really sure

The lady I’ve been taking care of died earlier this month. It was a blessing. She was starting to get locked in to her body, it was truly a Cronenberg body horror extravaganza. She died in the closet. She was pansexual or bisexual and all the photos we came up with just made people ask more questions. They only guessed, but I actually knew the story, not the type to out someone at their funeral I kept it to myself, but I swore to myself I’m not going to die hiding the same way. I’ve never presented femme where I wasn’t the butt of the joke for a stage production. Well, I went to that funeral as myself god damnit.

The wig was in terrible condition, I didn’t have time to do my makeup, and I had been running around for a week to make this all happen, but I still went anyway. I showed up late and started setting up. My hands were shaking and I was so anxious. People who knew me came up to talk to my partner, completely glossed over me as a friend. A couple people asked in front of me where I was, and I just said it was me. They were all shocked. My mom and grandparents were there, they were civil at least, mom’s cop husband just stared off in the distance uncomfortable the whole time (seethe piggy).

I went to the bar and got hit on by the patrons, and the barkeep. Barkeep got quiet and less friendly after they carded me, one of the patrons joked about how now he knows where I live and hardy har har, I just flipped my ID over to them too there you go, I’m never lackin, come visit sugar, the next 21 gun salute at this American legion can be for you, buckwheat.

Ewwwwwphoria

The deceased’s sister and her partner came to talk to me, their partner said they thought my voice was different last time we saw each other over thanksgiving and they called it that I was transitioning. I had given my condolences about her sister, and said she was a beautiful woman, and she said I’m a beautiful woman too, and I started crying.

Later my mom texted me

We just made it home. You did a fantastic job with this entire situation with L**** and you handled her care and needs in a beautiful way. I’m touched by the many testimonies and compliments the s***** family gave to us over you and you should feel very proud that your beauty shown through during this difficult time. You too served as a bridge for her and I admire you for your service of love and sacrifice.

We went out afterwards for dinner, and I got ma’amed and Ladies’ed all over the place, I don’t care if she was being polite or what, it was nice. It all went well until one of my partners gay friends asked if I was gonna cut my dick off, kinda killed my mood right away and I had to leave.

You know, sometimes it all ends up alright.

just randomly discovered it (im not trans btw)

Hiya ladies,

Today I'm trying to understand how to let go of the mean, unhappy boy I never wanted to be, and embrace the passionate, loving girlie I dream of becoming.

Before I was brave enough to accept myself I was self-isolating, over eating, and indulging in various other coping mechanisms for short term, unsustainable dopamine hits. I was also mean, anti-social, and very standoffish because I thought that's who people expected me to be.

Now I want to be, need to be, someone completely different, letting out the parts of myself that I suppressed for so long I forgot they were even there. How did you do it? How did you unlearn those almost instinctive behaviours and defence mechanisms that keep people away and keep your real self buried and suffocating?

Thank you in advance <3

Hey y'all, hope you're having a good day! I was wondering if anyone here could chime in with some advice concerning gender-neutral names. The short form (and my nickname) of my current name is gender-neutral and I'm considering just sticking with it when transitioning. Alternatively I could pick a new, clearly feminine name and go with that one. For me, keeping the old name makes sense in the way that I personally see my transition more as a character development kinda thing instead of it being a "rebirth" like some people experience it. On the other hand, picking a new name would create a clearer sense of ... femininity, I guess?

Anyway, before I keep on ranting, does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing or maybe any articles/links for me to read through? :)

Hey there, I'm a mod of c/traa and was recently called out for saying JK Rowling is transphobic and buying the Hogwarts game is a bad idea. I was told that the 'actual trans people with sense' are here and agree that playing the Hogwarts game is fine, and so is giving money to a transphobe billionaire. This ally of trans rights (and instance admin of a large server that isnt blahaj or hexbear) of course seems to vehemently disagree.

So, as a question, do you agree with giving money in any way to JK Rowling? Do you agree with supporting Harry Potter as a franchise? 🤓 I have a feeling I already know the answer to this, but I figure yall might find this whole thing amusing

Basically, the back of my buttocks hurts to sit. I think it's my jeens have a stitch right in the middle. But I also think that it's related to estrogen fat redistribution. Anyways, It burns, it started at the bottom of my tailbone and I never heard of this. Is it common? 2+ years low dose hrt. The closest thing I've found is "feminization" thanks.

I just took my first dose of HRT today, and wanted to celebrate by giving something back to this community, which has been so helpful! ❤️

For context, the first two verses practically wrote themselves the first time I read about the effects of estrogenic second puberty in the Gender Dysphoria Bible. When they still hadn't left my brain a few weeks later, I sat down, polished it a bit, and put the rest together. I hope it will amuse! 😁



Title: Wouldn't it be Lovel-E?
Tune: Wouldn't it be Loverly? (from My Fair Lady)


Some folks they dream of riches, want to win the lottery, hmm
While others lust for glory in their field of mastery, hmm
Or want to save the world by curing every ill they see, hmm, mmm
Wouldn't it be lovely?


All I want is a derrière
Shapely hips and a lot of hair
But only way up there
Oh, wouldn't it be lovel-E?

Lots of chocolate for me to eat
Estrogen makes it taste so sweet
Warm core, cold hands, cold feet
Oh, wouldn't it be lovel-E?

Oh so lovely taking hormones 'til I've had my fill
Oh, the changes they would bring
But spare me the doctor's bill

Soft skin and sensitivity
Plus enhanced flexibility
Endowments mammary
Oh, wouldn't it be lovel-E?
Lovely
HRT
All for me
Lovel-E

For me:

• Nomi Marks from Sense8 Clip (TW)
• Manila from La Casa De Papel (Money Heist)
• Jadzia Dax from Deep Space 9

Hey friends, I just sent the text coming out to my job. With that, I am officially out to everyone that it realistically matters, and the weight off my chest even before a response is immeasurable.

This marks the real beginning of my new life, and is the start to 2024 that I wanted. Next up is HRT, one step at a time.

Love you all

-Nikki 💖

Hey girls! I recently started my social transition, and i've been thinking about names. I know not everyone uses a different name during/after their transition, but i think i want to. How did you find your name, and how did you know it was the right one?

My siblings and i were all given names that start with the letter E, and i would like to maintain that pattern. The first name that came to mind was "Eva" after "Queen Iva" from the anime One Piece, who is a character with the power to control hormones.

Seeing Queen Iva was one of the things that made me start to question my gender, so i like the idea of honoring that. However i feel a little wierd about picking my name based on a tv show. Is that something people do? I've looked at various lists of baby names, but nothing really clicks the same way as Eva.

Id love to hear your advice and experiences!

Feel free to let it all out!

Halo! Sorry if this is not the best community to ask in, but a friend asked if i could ask here since she has yet to find any good info. She asks:

If anyone is from Bulgaria and is it possible to get hrt here at all? Or maybe who to contact for advice and diagnosis, preferably in Sofia

Hiya girlies!

Today I'd love for us to share the little tips and tricks that you're proud of, things that help you feel like the best version of you! It could be about anything, makeup, hair, hair removal, voice, mannerisms, diet, exercise, fashion, whatever you learned that had a positive impact on your life that could help another girlie learning who she wants to be!

Something I've been particularly enjoying recently is finding ladies I particularly admire in media and copying the things they say, trying to match their intonation and expression. I know it's not an original idea but it can be super fun and very satisfying when you get it right! :3