hmmm... it was so long ago that i thought like that. i think i felt like i was too masculine to pass, and asked myself what the point of transitioning was if i didnt. this obviously was very untrue. i feel after being transitioned for 10+ years now, most binary trans people pass as cis after a long bout of hrt. of course passing is not the end all be all, though it does make life a bit easier in more transphobic areas.
i also had some bizarre ideas about how i needed to change my personality to be more feminine in order to be truly trans. also very silly, im just me but now everyone sees me as a woman, i didnt need to change anything about how i acted
only places that care about banning transphobes are here, hexbear, and lemmygrad really. i mod c/traa on hexbear and how we deal with this is by having 26 fairly active trans mods. we spread the workload out on banning people, we usually have a response to ban within 5-30 minutes, sometimes its instantaneous. we care a lot about making sure as few people as possible see abusive material and to make sure even the mods have not many interactions by spreading the burden of dealing with transphobia out a ton.
i add pretty much anyone that is a trans socialist to the mod team if they ask. i dont like the idea of having a clique, it should be easy to join, i do semi regular asks if anyone wants to join
also, on top of our 26 mods, we have 15 admins that help with bans, a bit over half of whom are trans. which is about proportionate to the userbase